Dealing with In-laws
By pbbbsra
@pbbbsra (1214)
Philippines
July 20, 2011 11:45am CST
I am very happy being married and I have the most wonderful in-laws in the world. The start wasn't easy, but they ended up loving me like their own daughter too. I am very contented with my life as a wife. We live in the same house with my in laws and its really not a problem for me. I love them so much and I am happy being there to take care of them. Although sometimes, I wish we could decide on our own lives as a couple... right now we have to decide things and think first how my inlaws will feel and say... Sometimes I just want to get free and do things as like how we want, but we can't and I guess I won't too. I can't please myself and end up making my inlaws disappoint of me or my husband.
Is there anyone who also lives with their in laws ?How do you make decisions in the house? If you're in my place, what will you feel ?
5 responses
@rameshchow (4426)
• India
20 Jul 11
After a women marriage, her first enemy is her mother in law. It is natural in many cases. The daughter in law has to win their heart with love and obedience.
@pbbbsra (1214)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
It wasnt really becoming an enemy, it wasnt just really easy for a mom to see that his son has another women over her now. I understand that. I also put myself in her place and think of how I would feel if I was her and I have a son who will one day tell me, "mom I will take my wife and live separately, don't worry we'll visit on holidays." Everybody including my husband was surprised when he asked me before our marriage if it would be a problem for me to live with his parents because his mom can't let go. I told him I understand and wont be a problem. His mom dodnt liked me at first but now everything is fine and she loves me even more. Sometimes when my husband argue with me, my in laws will be on ly side no matter what.
I dont understand myself sometimes... sometimes I want to live alone, but thinking that they are getting older and living alone will e hard for them... I cant go anymore.
@strawberrychocodahi (4818)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
I admire you to stay strong even when living with in-laws. But ever since I got married, we were already living separately with my in-laws since my hubby works in the city and we only visit my in-laws during his vacation leave.
I think that I cannot stay for longer with my in-laws not because I don't like them, but sometimes they have this practice at home that I really can't tolerate. For example at night before they sleep they will use mosquito coil repellent which makes me dizzy and gasping for air like I am allergic to it. I really can't stand it and I know I won't like it at all.
We need to decide on our own as a couple and so we have started to live a life away from them which is a very good advantage for me 
. I don't know but I really can't move well when someone is there to tell me, do this and do that this is just my opinion. This has nothing to do about commands, it's just a minor thing although for me, its good to be independent.
. I don't know but I really can't move well when someone is there to tell me, do this and do that this is just my opinion. This has nothing to do about commands, it's just a minor thing although for me, its good to be independent.@pbbbsra (1214)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
I agree with you too... my husband and I always talk about living separately. Especially my husband gets bored most of the time when his parents still tell him what to do and not to do.. it's difficult when they argue and I get caught up in between.
If I have a choice, I want to live in our own house too... but I guess it wasnt our time yet to live alone... I guess I just need to be more patient...
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
22 Jul 11
I think it's great that your in-laws are good to you. I don't really agree with having your life dictated by someone else, but if it's working and you're not miserable then more power to you.
I personally detest my in-laws. I haven't seen or spoken to them in almost 6 years and I fully intend to keep it that way.
@chicko (86)
• India
2 Apr 12
Lady! you have a mind of your own! or u don't! Looks like you are happy being submissive and under the table! You are not brave enough to live your own life. You are afraid of speaking up and wanting to do as your heart pleases because you dont want to disappoint your in laws.
I dont know whether you are right or wrong. But we are humans. We cannot keep submitting or bowing down to someone for tooo long. One day all your pent up desires, wishes and ideas will flush out and you will long to be free from them.
Nobody ever said, once you get married, you only please your in laws and forget to live yourself! You wont be able to ! One day you will get so suffocated that you would want to get separated even from your husband.
for me, living with in laws is impossible. I cant tolerate in laws teaching me how to live and why havent i done my chores and I cant tolerate them talking disrespectfully to me.
@Mzee2tu (30)
• Kenya
21 Jul 11
I have never been to such a situation, but if I were you I would my preference would be on moving out. As a couple there are many things you prefer to do but may not do them for fear of antagonizing the in-laws. In fact, before you act when living together you first think of their reactions, this inhibits your freewill like you have said.
If I were in your place I might consider being where I can exercise my freewill. Christians would quote, "..for a man shall leave his parents and be joined with his wife(wife has left also) and the two shall become one ..."
So, the sooner you move the better for you as a couple.
