Is love really self less?

Hi Mimpi! Love is always supposed to bring joy.But first of all why does one love?Is it because one feels the need to be assured that one is worthy?When this feeling of need comes then I wouldn't call it love.I feel a person can love another truly only if he/she loves one self.Then love will not be need - based.It would be for sharing and this is highest form of love.Now a days even parents expect from their children and call it love!But only one can love oneself more than anyone.The best relation you can have is with yourself.When you feel your loved one is not spending more time with you it is because you are bored and expect her/him to remove your boredom.Why not try something yourself to remove the boredom- shopping , reading or hit the dance floor?You want attention from your loved one?Why not pay attention to yourself ? pamper yourself to a spa or buy yourself a gift .Believe me I buy myself a rose every weekend to let me know how much I love myself and I am happy with my relationship too.I don't use him to pass my time and he is a busy person.Our love is not based on needs.we share moments and care about each other because loving oneself makes one very caring.You lose the habit of judging , holding resentments etc.

Hi mimpi! Ideally love should be selfless and one should not expect anything in return. However, human nature is such that even if one wants to be above petty and trivial things, one does not succeed because one gets influenced by surroundings and people around him/her. There is no hard and fast rule for reciprocating love and one lover cannot make complaint to the other one that s/he is not devoting same duration of time, as s/he is doing. Both could have different nature and different compulsions.

This is probably the most undermined question that has ever been raised since the advent of civilization. I do think love in itself is selfless and therapeutic, or platonic, as it has come to known since Plato. But what is certainly manipulative is its clubbing together with romance, where it gets all muddled with attraction and thumping of hearts. We should dump Shakespeare and all other romantics, popularize Plato, Gandhi and all others who spoke of a more liberating experience of love and its attainment. By all means romance, there's nothing wrong with it, but not in the name of love. To love is to give and give alone; but to give something and expect it to be returned sometime, in some form, is sort of an investment plan and is therefore to be considered cerebral. It is this fundamental difference between The Love and its all other spin-offs, which, being unrecognized, has insidiously led to scores of embittered relationships and lasting depressions. To answer your question, I am very much sure my love is selfless. Where it is not, I am sure I don't have to answer this question.

As selfless as we might want love to be...I think that each person does want something from the relationship. I think the most selfless love is probably the one that you give to a child. Now I'm not saying that there is no selfless love between partners...but I think that everyone needs something from the relationship. It might be time, company, or attention. I guess the biggest thing that I expect from mine is loyalty. That is a broad word but that's me. Not just in the manner of fidelity. Loyalty is a lot of things. Someone on my side..lol...that's what I want.

Well, I actually think that love is somewhat a selfish thing. I want my husband to love me back and I want him to take care of myself and of the children. He wants me to be only with him (meaning not spending a lot of time with other people) and not to spend a lot of time with other men. Other love in my life is selfish as well because it has made and destroyed friendships because of feelings that exist between myself and other people. Love should be selfless, but I really don't think that it can be that way in this world.

Is anything really selfless? Does everything we do ultimately serve something for ourselves? The answer is that it does. For unrequited love, I would suppose the motivation to keep trying would be due to the hope your efforts would eventually inspire his wanting to return it. Why do you want that love returned? Because it serves a need most if not all of us have. I guess the difference between this kind of healthy selfishness and one that is destructive (narcissism) is that narcissists seek to serve their agenda without regard to how it affects other people.

Ideally speaking love is supposed to be selfless, but really speaking, it does not happen that way. My reasons for saying so are many and involves dwelling into detail about what we understand as selfless, human nature, our desires, influences of family and many other external influences, which affect our daily lives. Instead of getting into the depth of that, I'd rather say that while I would definitely keep my partners needs above mine, love involves knowing your partner as well as you know yourself or even more for that matter, trust, understanding, patience and the ability to adapt. This keeps the relationship in much more a tranquil and happy state. This is what I've learnt and believe.

Most of the time, lol, but you know we all have lapses and if we didn't then the other guy would feel awful, don't you see. Busy can be a problem!

I think that the ideal situation would be to give love unconditionally and with no expectations in return which the majority of us can give to our parents, children etc. but when it comes to romantic love it somehow changes and our love comes with conditions, expectations and deal breakers. It’s a shame that so many of us have a so called ideal of what a love relationship should be like and cannot simply accept the other person warts and all and just love them...Yes...Easier said than done!

The love which Mother Teresa spread and likes of her is selfless. That between man and woman is generally not selfless. It is some kind of an agreement where in exchange of this or that I promise to take care of you... and bla, bla.