Why my friend is lying all the time? What can I do about it?
By kendedes2011
@kendedes2011 (2712)
Indonesia
July 22, 2011 7:18am CST
I have been half a year with my boyfriend and a couple of days I get out to get me all the time lied. He told me he had studied, he would be a software developer and also a member of the volunteer fire department. I got the stuff a few times before something funny because he lives in a fairly small apartment, I never could call him at work, etc. But for everything he has ever invented a new excuse and tells stories, he would be a lot of home from work and when he is in the company, he would be constantly in other offices and branches, and often he had important meetings where he should not be disturbed and the working hours were also constantly different, it would save as much money as possible and "frugal" life to buy a house later times, etc. can
When I was with my friend last week to visit, I had secretly ever looked in his drawers, and found among other things, a (current) unemployment benefit assessment. I then approached him on it and his only reaction was: "Then that's just all a bit different." While he has admitted that he lied, but somehow it seemed to be completely legal and he talked as if we were talking about the weather - without any feeling.
After that it came out that he has absolutely no education, he has a previous conviction for driving without a license, computer sabotage, data manipulation, he was already three times in psychiatry (social phobia, suicide threats, personality disorder) and even several "little things". I can not believe it, that does not fit in everything to him! He is actually a totally quiet guy, quite shy, always tuned to "justice" and he goes out of the way otherwise, in any dispute.
I do not understand all this! Why he thinks of only as a story? That he does not like what he has done everything, I could still understand, but why he told me that he had studied and thinks almost daily stories of what he had experienced on the job? (He's really something about the supposed regular customers and colleagues told without that I would have asked more and urged him to do so.) I've never demanded anything from him, on the contrary, I've always said that my money is not important.
What should I do? I hate lies, but I just love him too much as that I simply can not separate from it. And what this strange reaction that mean? I would have expected that he either denies everything or that he gets angry when I confronted him with it, but just a "that's just the way"? Does anyone have any idea what I can try, so we can start over again and he did not lie? Has anyone even had a similar experience and might have helped anything?
3 people like this
8 responses
@dsailor (44)
• United States
22 Jul 11
It sounds like your boyfriend is just a pathological liar. He has made you question your relationship with his lies and you can't trust him. It also sounds like he is not in tune with his feelings for you cause if he was he wouldn't of had the devil may care attitude when you confronted him nor would he feel it necessary to lie to you all the time. Personally if i were you i'd just write him off and realize that there is no future with him and start looking for someone else that i could trust. Trust is the most important thing in any relationship, if you can't trust what he says then then how can you really trust it when he says he loves you? Just my opinion, good luck and i hope everything works out for you.
1 person likes this
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
23 Jul 11
If you can tolerate then continue the relationship, but then quit it if you can't.
1 person likes this
@kendedes2011 (2712)
• Indonesia
29 Jul 11
Yes, I accept your suggestion, this is not an easy thing for me to continue the relationship. Until now, I'm still thinking about and trying to find the best way. It really hurts me, on the other hand I'm very foolish to keep trusting him and giving him a second chance. Now I started thinking about ways to quit from this relationship.
@omchesunche (1755)
• Indonesia
22 Jul 11
hi mate, you brought up good points here.. Many people do lying just cover their weaknesses. Maybe they don't have confidence to tell the truth for their friends or they want people looking at them differently. Sometimes hard to start something even small things without lies at all,especially on those material things since our society in this modern world tend to be simply materialistic than before..If you meet with two guys and both of them are good looking, charming, nice to talk with and good personality, all at the same level but the only difference is the richness, who do you like most? more than 99% will choose the richer guy..so they will try to lie for this legacy..what do you think??
1 person likes this
@kendedes2011 (2712)
• Indonesia
29 Jul 11
Hi
interesting comment, indeed I can not lie to select only a rich man. Maybe this lie as a blow to me, I think and think. What's mistake, even I never asked him to become a rich man by the press of work. Whatever the risks, from now on it must be assured to improve him of lying
@gengeni (3308)
• Indonesia
22 Jul 11
I know this problem ... my friend has almost the same symptoms ... can you do anything to make them live with their lie in their own world. they lie so convincingly that you believe it ... mine is convinced that he is known chancellor and then he wants to make the world better. some laughs but now it's be serious ... he has now been about 4 years a girlfriend who lives with him ... so it is feasible with such a man to live but it's hard..
1 person likes this
@kendedes2011 (2712)
• Indonesia
29 Jul 11
Hi gene,
Oya? you have a friend who experienced the same thing with me? It's a coincidence, say hi to your friend from me the same fate. lol
@rifnee (1713)
• Indonesia
22 Jul 11
I think that in the third Paragraph phenomena but go with it.
I fear that the breach of trust is so massive that it "something" with you never can. So my tip: Try to gain distance - probably at the moment everything is still fresh?
If you aufopferst you for failures, can never equal the roles created a healthy partnership. (Another thing is, when the beloved partner is seriously ill in the course of the partnership or something else goes wrong is.)
It's a tough advice that I give thee.
1 person likes this
@kendedes2011 (2712)
• Indonesia
29 Jul 11
Hi Rifnee,
Okay, good advice from you, I have to think about it, like a hard reality for me to leave him (even though for a while), it was clear that I too loved him, but I have to care about myself without feeling of neglect. It's a tough situation.
Great day
@dayangsumbi2010 (1724)
• Indonesia
22 Jul 11
It is very difficult to say what about your friend, because he at least had mental problems. But the extent to affect your relationship is questionable. However, it sounds as if you had to expose a good relationship. Other "normal" relationships may cut as worse than yours and one partner turns out to be notorious adulterers, or has other surprises.
So the question is rather: Are you happy with him? Are you happy to be together? How do you imagine the relationship found in the future? If the relationship is a nice change for you? Thrilling? Helper syndrome? What are your expectations about your future? He fits in there? If you remain without prejudice or it may happen that you get yourself this even psychological problems? What about your friends? Can deal with him or will he be the freak? Will you then isolate him isolate themselves socially and, along the lines of the two of us against the rest of the world "very romantic - but think in relation to you, whether you're happy that everything is in order, or if you remember? are changing.
There are many uncertain factors - but as long as you're happy and not hurting you and he can hurt - you can try. You can terminate the relationship still. But I admit the other right here.
It would be the easiest to terminate the relationship, to overcome the pain and release for a new (hopefully) person to be unproblematic.
Maybe you can even go along to one of his therapists, so that you understand and know him better, how can you be best with him. Perhaps you will also find a way or rules so that it becomes easier. It does not matter to unmask him, I am not surprised. Has probably already have a lot to endure - and it is also based on not the world.
Because he is certainly more and more lies - but then so you know;)
1 person likes this
@kendedes2011 (2712)
• Indonesia
29 Jul 11
Responding to many questions from you I can not answer it in detail here, I really wish all the best for him, I loved him, so did my friends always give support and advice. I realize this is not an easy thing, every time I think about this then I am ashamed of my friend and even ashamed of myself.
@hardworker1972 (311)
• United States
22 Jul 11
Now, of course you know him better than we do (or do you?), but anyways, by all means this is just based on what I read.
It sounds like he may be embarrassed about his faults and short comings. Of course lying about it is definitely not the manner in which to handle it. However, he may not be able to handle it at all.
The point of it is that YOU are going to have to decide what you can handle and what you will allow in your life. Can you deal with his lies? Can you deal with his not working? ETC ETC ETC.
Good luck and hope things go better.
1 person likes this
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
23 Jul 11
If you can't tolerate him, if you can then continue the relationship. GOod Luck!
@flip_and_throw (28)
•
23 Jul 11
its about this guy that he didn't accept what he is. everyone needs to accept himself first before he can accept others. by then he can be true himself. by your part, if you really love him accept what he really is. learn to be outspoken so he can feel that he's not alone and he can say what ever he feels and be comfortable . by then maybe he can just say all truth and no lies. but accept the fact that truth hurts and it will set you free. GUDluck!
