SONA of Pres Noynoy Aquino: Things he could have used as "Opening Line"

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Hi guys. These are the things that President Noynoy could have used in his State of the Nation Address today but got rejected(which I came acrross in pf's blog, so thanks PF). Feel free to laugh along and comment on them. Have fun^^ "Before I STart.. I am not under oath, am I?" "I don't want my citizens to be hurt. That's why I'm telling you before we start that this speech doesn't have a lot to encompass." "For a change, This State of the Nation is gonna be delivered this afternoon by one person that I personally admire for a very long time now. My countrymen.. Ms Jessica Soho!" "Sorry to disappoint you. I don't have love life jokes this time around." "I'd like to acknowledge the presence of the distinguished members of the Philippine Senate! Good Afternoon to all of you especially to my future brother-in-law Francis Escudero. Pare, bahala ka na sa kapatid ko! Ikaw na lang ang umintindi." "Everyone in this joint session this afternoon is automatically included in our special raffle. At stake: 7 second-hand SUVs returned by the bishops "Let us offer a moment of silence for the demise of my so-called lovelife." "I don't have my Porsche anymore! Palakpakan naman dyan." "Hindi na ako magpapaliguy-ligoy pa. Narito ang mahabang listahan ng mga kasalanan ni Gloria at ng nakaraang administrasyon.