Learning to love your spouse...
@Masihi (4413)
Canada
July 26, 2011 9:08pm CST
I'm wondering if any of you Mylotters have married a spouse that wasn't based on love at first but have learned to love and respect each other in the end? I know for me, I was in love with the idea of being in love and I was going to marry the first Christian man that would have me, and my husband was getting older and was wondering if he was ever going to marry, plus he felt sorry for me at first.
That was ten years ago.
Now, he says he loves me, but I believe it's in a comradeship way. Brother/sister. Yet he does want to be intimate with me (and of course we do come together as husband and wife at least once a month or so). My problem is that I don't have passion for him, but at the same time I can see myself growing old with him because we work together as a team regarding raising the kids. We're both dedicated to our family, and each other, and social stigma dictates that it'll be hard to marry others, because he has a learning disability, and I have 3 disabilities. Plus, whatever he can't do, my brain comes in handy and I can take care of all the paperwork, that sort of thing, and he helps with what I can't see as well with, and takes care of the children especially when they get of hand.
Divorce from Hubby is out of the question, and I'd really like to be able to fall in love with Hubby. We have our issues, but I don't think it's anything that can't be worked out. I also can't imagine my life without Hubby, either.
Please give your thoughts, especially those who are familiar with similar situations. I know this is not the Western way of doing things, so it's a different way of thinking - more like the Eastern/African way of thinking, but I do know there has been many successful marriages even like my type of marriage.
4 responses
@astreadido (608)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
I think it's even better to grow loving each other and elevating it each day rather than marrying someone because of love then falling out of it eventually.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
27 Jul 11
Yes, you do have a valid point here, here in the west it happens too much, and even one of my fb friends who share the same religion and everything, decided to divorce due to irreconcilable differences, it made me very said because they have 2 young boys the same ages of our 2 kids are. Today many people go by emotions only, and sometimes it's just infatuation, and when they lose the infatuated feeling they want to divorce, that's not good at all.
@kahano42 (53)
• United States
27 Jul 11
I agree with you astreadido! Many people get married so fast because they're so in love and they can't live apart when really they find out later they're not in love but in lust and everything falls apart. Growing to love someone more and more each day is that much better. That is how it was with my husband and I and everyday I fall more in love with him.
1 person likes this
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
30 Jul 11
I dont' think he's IN LOVE with me, more like he loves me as a partner/sister/comrade, but he's afraid to open his heart to anyone. Me, I'm open to the idea of falling in love, but not going to do it yet unless he can get help with his personal issues, because I don't want to be hurt deeply by his words. But it's definitely something I want to work on with him as a couple...
@fabsprecious (1565)
• United States
2 Aug 11
I wish I could be be more insightful in your particular situation, but I have never really experienced this situation. My hubby and I were high school sweet hearts, we dated for 5 years and after 5 years we decided to get married. We have to beautiful children and this month we make 11 years of marriage.
It sounds to me that the both of you have strong feelings for each other and in your own way you love each other deeply. I feel the same way, I personally don't like the concept or idea of divource either, but it sounds like in your situation, if the feeling between the both of you are mutual, it doesn't sound like divource has even entered your minds.
1 person likes this
@lilbabycatapillar (497)
• United States
27 Jul 11
It's almost like an arranged marriage in that way, and it's not the worst thing, especially if you are able to get along. You really do have lots of time to continue growing with him, and learning more about him. It's never too late for that. You kind of need each other, and you're able to make the best of things, even if it is not typical or anything like a fairy tale.
1 person likes this
