I'm not comfortable asking for favors
By Toni
@toniganzon (72532)
Philippines
July 26, 2011 10:14pm CST
I have no problems when friends would ask me for favors as long as i can do it and it won't be too much of a burden for me. But i really feel uncomfortable asking anybody a favor.
So last Sunday i took up all the courage to ask my cousin for a favor since my Uncle asked me to do so. I left some of my books in my Uncles' apartment and it's one hour plane ride from him to my place. My Uncle wanted me to take those books since a neighbor of his had asked to borrow it and he didn't want to lend them scared that it might get lost and i might be needing them. So he told me to request my cousin to bring it with him when he gets home here. So it took me a lot of courage, sent him a message if that's possible and well, as expected i got rejected. He said it was too heavy and he doesn't check in baggage when he takes the plane.
I think the reason why i feel uncomfortable of asking favor is the thought of being rejected. I hate rejection. So as much as i can, i'd rather do things on my own rather than depend it on anybody. Well asking my husband to do it is a different thing since we are married and we are one!
1 person likes this
13 responses
@dpk262006 (58678)
• Delhi, India
27 Jul 11
Hi Toni!
Good post!
You see one cannot rule out the possibility or in your words fear of rejection, when one asks for a favour. It cannot be that every time a favour is asked, it will be rejected or every time it will be accepted instantly. So you can say – chances are 50-50. When one is pretty sure that the other party will not give a negative answer, then one feels comfortable asking for a favour. However, problem arises when there is an element of uncertainty. Even if chances are 50-50, I may ask for favour in the process ‘hoping for the best and preparing myself for the worst’, meaning thereby I would mentally prepare myself for a negative reply, while one part of my mind would be hoping for a favorable response.
Good post!
You see one cannot rule out the possibility or in your words fear of rejection, when one asks for a favour. It cannot be that every time a favour is asked, it will be rejected or every time it will be accepted instantly. So you can say – chances are 50-50. When one is pretty sure that the other party will not give a negative answer, then one feels comfortable asking for a favour. However, problem arises when there is an element of uncertainty. Even if chances are 50-50, I may ask for favour in the process ‘hoping for the best and preparing myself for the worst’, meaning thereby I would mentally prepare myself for a negative reply, while one part of my mind would be hoping for a favorable response. 
@dpk262006 (58678)
• Delhi, India
27 Jul 11
You can ask for favour, if you think that it is necessary and job cannot be done by you. There is nothing to feel bad, even if the other party rejects it, take it easy because the other party did the negative thing not you and in future you can reciprocate his/her attitude.
@toniganzon (72532)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
You are right, but whether the answer be positive or negative i still fear asking favor. I think it has become part of my system already which cannot be eradicated.
Thanks my dear friend.
@webgirl01 (689)
• United States
5 Aug 11
For favors people or friends asked me, it depends. Sometime I feel a burden to do certain favors especially if it involved on doing something like I ended up being in trouble for and they dont. But I try not to ask favors because I don't want to get taken advantage of certain people or especially friends asking some favor.
One favor is like this from a friend - "can you do me a favor and tell my boyfriend that I love himm, etc, etc"? or something like this " can you do a me a favor, delete so and so off yourlist because i want you to do so?" or can you call this person for me and talk to this person for me? (meaning, this person is trying to get a hold of her bf if they have a fight or if they broke up and that this person wants me involved to say something to make them back together. Guess what, I did a few of those but the other party would say "please don't involve, let the other party know her mistakes, etc.." so yeah.
@chipesterkhan (2925)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
me too. i find it really hard to do so unless i'm delegating tasks.
but if that person does not work for me or we don't have a working relationship, it's really hard to ask.
another thing i find hard to do is borrow money. never really needed to because i was working since i was 15.
another hard thing to do is ask for people to pay me the money they owe me
@toniganzon (72532)
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
Agree. Delegating tasks is so different from just asking favors. It's part of the job.
@CTHanum (8234)
• Malaysia
27 Jul 11
Hi toni!
Same like you. It seems easy to ask for my help but for me to ask from others is very hard because I don't want to burden others with my problems. So I will do by my own as possible I can. If only I really need help then I will asked but with heavy heart and shyness. Yes, I am so shy asking help from other people along with the rejection like you said before. That is why I hope I don't bothering anyone with my problems.(^^)
@Kalyni2011 (3496)
• India
27 Jul 11
Hi Toni i am like you, i hate begging for favors of any kind from friends and relatives, because if denied i will get much pain and might get upset too, if i need any thing, hubby is there to fullfill
Similarly, if some body wants money from me on loan, i deny on the face, in the past i have lost money and the friends too, money is root of all evil lol
thnxs for sharing..
Happy posting, cheers.
Kalyani
Happy posting, cheers.
Kalyani
@toniganzon (72532)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
Hi kalayani! When it comes to money, i try to be careful about lending. I'm prone to abuse and some people owe me about $300 and never even remembered to pay. My husband doesn't know about it by the way, but i have avoided that person already.
@fixerupper3530 (173)
• United States
28 Jul 11
Asking for favors is a natural part of life. We were all put onto this earth to help each other. If you offer and give more favors than you ever receive, you will never be in debt to anyone who does a favor for you. Give help, and you will receive help. People will be bending over backward to help you. You'll see!
@toniganzon (72532)
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
It doesn't work that way for me. I've been doing people favors all their lives. And that cousin of mine have been depending on me and my family for too many favors and when it's my turn to ask, it was easy for him to make excuses.
@thaMARKER (2503)
• Philippines
28 Jul 11
same here, i hate asking favors just to get me through something. but i guess we jst cant avoid that at all times. i'm used to doing almost everything on my own. i started living on my own practically since i was high school. i was kinda trained to stand on my own and find ways to solve everything without asking much help from others.
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
Asking favors from others, other than your husband is really a difficult thing to do. Not only does the fear of rejection will set in, but for me the thought of having that somebody asking you a favor in return which you cannot do in the future is what it's all about. Had you not done his favor , the favor you previously asked that person will certainly be thrown at your face.
@toniganzon (72532)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
Exactly. But when i do favors i never expect to ask for anything in return. Some people would usually think that when they do give you a favor you need to do something back for them in the future.
@Bannybanzie (1397)
• Philippines
28 Jul 11
Hi!
Just like you, I'm not so comfortable asking others for favor.. sometimes even the close people to me.. and it really sometimes depends on the favor too.
@igatiful_badass (1222)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
Same here with me. It's not that i don't feel like being rejected but the "utang na loob" (debt of gratitude.
Coz its not like me to count any help that i extend. Sometimes i forget things that i help you. Im happy when people ask my help, assistance or favor.
it happens already to me, and i was shock and cry. So it scared me to ask favor with others.
@Jelminrie (358)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
Other are just unfair, they ask you favors but when you asked one they wont do it, anyways, I do ask favors from my friends and family and i make it sure that if ever they want something from me i give...
@toniganzon (72532)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
Give and take. Isn't life suppose to be like that? That's why we live as a community? But some people just don't get it i think.
