And the frustration continues....

United States
July 30, 2011 4:06pm CST
My boyfriend and I are both going to be college sophomores this year. Unfortunately, during his first year my boyfriend slacked off and got bad grades. So now, he has to pay out of state tuition for these two classes that the school requires him to take. He only has a part time job which barely covers all of the monthly bills his parents make him pay. Now, he doesn't have the money to go to school and his dad is telling him he can't go to school. His dad is a major you know what and I can't stand him at all. So now he's going to try and push my boyfriend into the military. His dad is a police officer now and he keeps telling my boyfriend and boyfriend's mom that the police wouldn't even consider him because of his poor grades in college. That's completely untrue and to me it seems like his dad is constantly setting him up for failure no matter what my boyfriend tries to do. My boyfriend really wants to go to school and try harder, but his dad won't let him. He's not even allowed to take small student loans to help cover the costs. This is driving me crazy because I can't stand to see my boyfriend get treated like this and not allowed to do something he wants to do. So I think I'm really going to work with my boyfriend to see if he can get out of the classes the school makes him take so his tuition will get lowered. I think I'm also going to talk to him about student loans and how his parents technically can't stop him from doing it since he's 18. I'm just so frustrated right now. This situation has been going on for the past few months and my boyfriend's dad is constantly getting after him about getting a second job or going into the military.
1 person likes this
2 responses
Charlene Sally C.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
31 Jul 11
Hi Courtknee, I don't mean anything bad by this, but I just don't know.. something doesn't seem right to me.. it almost seems fishy to me. Why can't he get student loans? He's over 18 right? He's a sophomore in college, so he must be over the age of majority. He is old enough to get out from under his mom and dad. I think he can do whatever he wants to if he wants to bad enough.. and he doesn't need his parents to give him money for tuition or whatever. I agree with you that it isn't right for his father to put him down all the time.. but here may be some history that you don't know about? Maybe? Maybe the father is a control freak.. and maybe the father is disappointed in his son because he could do better? Parents are like that. How long have you known your boyfriend? Maybe his parents know him a little better than you? I know you feel it's unfair to your boyfriend.. but he needs to be responsible for the bills he makes. You said something about his parents making him pay bills.. if they are his bills, he is responsible for them. I don't really see him as a victim... I think he can get another job and go to school. I did it.. I worked full time and went to college and I graduated and made a good job for myself. I didn't have a social life, but something had to give, and it wasn't my grades. I had a child to support to, and I made it.. it was very hard.. but I did it and no one paid my bills for me.
courtknee525
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
31 Jul 11
Yes, he's 18 almost 19 and he'd be totally eligible for student loans. It's just that his mom is a bank manager and I guess his family doesn't really believe in loans. To me it's silly because most college students end up with some sort of loan because work just isn't enough. Well, his dad isn't his real dad. His mom remarried when he was about 7. His dad now has 2 sons, one the same age as my boyfriend and my boyfriend also has a sister who's 22 or 23 and still at home. I've seen firsthand how my boyfriend is treated a lot differently than his brother. I'm pretty sure the dad is a control freak and has a few mental issues (and I'm not saying that just because of my boyfriend's situation, I've seen how his dad acts and it's just nuts). My boyfriend can hardly ever do anything because his dad never lets him. And if we do end up doing something, he has to be home by 2 PM when his dad gets home so he can bring in his stuff from the car and put the police radio away. The dad is just controlling and doesn't do anything himself, everything is done by everyone else. I mean, the man once had me use his phone to send a text message to his boss. So believe me when I say this man is a total nightmare to be around because he's always yelling and complaining about something. I've known my boyfriend about 2 years. I've talked to his mom a little about the situation and she's told me that her and her husband are scared my boyfriend will work in a restaurant his whole life. I definitely understand their concerns but there comes a point where you're trying to be encouraging yet forceful with someone and then just downright cruel about things. Yes he pays for all his bills which is also understandable. But to me, I don't see why they won't let him take a student loan out to help pay because the loan would be very small and pretty easy to pay off. And ultimately, it would be my boyfriend's responsibility to pay off the loan and if he goes to school and then becomes a police officer, I don't see the problem with him paying it off. It's just frustrating because even though I know how much his parents want him to succeed, I don't really agree with how strict and controlling they are. If my he really wants to go to school, then they shouldn't stop him from getting a small student loan to further his education and then get a job. I don't think that they should just shove the military down his throat, because they say it's either military or you're kicked out of the house. Sorry for these long posts, it just gets me upset that I can't really help that much and I just needed a place to vent.
bigskinsfanj
@bigskinsfanj (3)
• United States
31 Jul 11
He is legally allowed to make his own decisions, his dad cannot stop him. It is entirely up to him if he wants to respect his parents' wishes or to go against them
courtknee525
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
31 Jul 11
He told me he really wants to go to school and do better this time, I just think he's scared of going against their wishes and end up getting kicked out with nowhere to go. I kind of wish he would just stand up to them and do what he wants and get the loan, I highly doubt his parents would kick him out for that. And if they kicked him out for going to school, then that's just sick.