Does This Annoy You? Or Do You Laugh It Off?
By Jennifer
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
Valdosta, Georgia
July 30, 2011 7:57pm CST
I just cannot stand when people that are not parents think they know everything about being a parent and how to raise a child. Also, new mothers that think they are so much smarter than you are when you already have a few children...I have gotten to the point where I just laugh at it now and I think to myself oh you will see...Lol.
Have you ever had someone that is not a parent tell you what your doing with your children is wrong? Have you had a new mom who thought she knew everything already about being a mother? Does it annoy you? Or do you just laugh it off?
5 people like this
19 responses
@asyria51 (2861)
• United States
31 Jul 11
I had a teen at the library tell me that i needed to discipline my child. The reason she said it was because she was singing the itsy bitsy spider. we were in the children's department which has its own floor. My child was not running around. She was sitting at a table looking at a book and singing. Really?!?!?!? My child is almost never this well behaved at the library and this teenie bopper had the audacity to tell me that my child was misbehaving.
All I said was thank you, but i will handle my own child.
1 person likes this
@la_chique (1498)
•
31 Jul 11
Aww if anything your kid singing would have been so sweet! Goodness knows why the teen thought you should discipline! I'd applaud you for having such a well behaved child.
1 person likes this
@asyria51 (2861)
• United States
31 Jul 11
I was really proud of her. She was sitting at a table right near the copier where I was making copies of some article that i wanted to be able to highlight mark on for a conference. My darling, who would normally be running in circles or yelling and screaming was just singing. it was a bit loud, but it was the childrens floor, not a law library.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
31 Jul 11
A teenager is even worse! Geez. That is crazy. I don't think your daughter was doing anything wrong at all. In fact I think it's super cute! =) I don't blame you for telling her you can handle your own child. I would have too. I might not have been that nice about it because that kind of stuff is really annoying to me at times. If it was the children's floor especially there was nothing wrong with that at all.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
31 Jul 11
I'm not a mother , I will never be a mother so why in the h@ll would I tell you How to parent?! That is so dumb and arrogant, the two traits I have no patience for! If I were a parent , I wouldn't stand for it!
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
31 Jul 11
Exactly. Some people do it a lot though unfortunately. It is crazy and rude in my opinion. If you don't know anything about a certain subject don't say anything at all. I don't tell people how to fix their cars because I don't know the first thing about it! LOL
2 people like this
@apples99 (6556)
• United States
31 Jul 11
Well I'm not a mother and I'm definitely no expert but I do remember how I was raised when I was little and I'll most likely be raising my child that is if I ever have any I'll be raising them about the same as my parents raised me
I'm also the aunt to a now 2 year old, and I have often baby sat with her and when I'm with her I try and use the same or similar methods of discipline that my parents used on me of course with the full permission of my niece's mother
With that said I know that having, and raising children isn't easy because I've witnessed my parents struggles, and now my sisters struggles, and by struggles I mean financial emotional struggles because having children is beautiful but it's also very stressful especially if your a person that does not have money or the perfect job, and has to work crazy hours and worry about things like money for day care, diapers clothing, food, rent, and so on.
I know it's hard so I try not to judge mothers too harshly because I know it's tough sometimes, I know that I don't have kids but I'm not completely clueless about the struggles of motherhood, and parenting I'm sorry that you have had to deal with overly judgmental people.
To answer your question when anyone approaches me with unwanted advice, and judgments on anything, I ignore them I don't let what others say bother me and I think that applies to motherhood too, meaning as long as you know in your heart that your being the best mom you can be that's all that matters who Care's what other people think.
@apples99 (6556)
• United States
8 Aug 11
Yeah my sister is experiencing similar issues she loves her daughter very much, but she sometimes has a tough time with motherhood I mean just with the daily stresses that come with being a parent, and my parents and I help her as much as we can, and we enjoy spending time with her she is the cutest and sweetest child
That said, everyone in my family has a lot to deal with as well and my parents and I are very busy and stressed with other daily issues, and sometimes we can't always be there to help as much as we would like to, so my sister is doing her very best to make life good for her child my niece, and I understand how hard life can be especially when raising a child with little money, and she has to constantly worried about child care, and getting a good trustworthy babysitter, so she can work freely it's really hard
But I think considering all the personal obstacles my sister has to deal with shes doing a great job, and I believe that she will be doing even better in time, but life hasn't been easy for her or anyone in my family and I can definitely relate to people, and parent's that are having a tough time.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
8 Aug 11
No it definitely is not an easy task being a mother that is for sure. It is the most stressful job I can think of because it is 24/7 and you never get a lunch break or get to come home and do nothing. You have to take care of your kids no matter how sick or tired you are as a mother. I remember throwing up at the same time my daughter was and I still had to get up and clean up her mess and comfort her while I was feeling just as terrible. It is tough!
I have a hard time with letting things bother me that other people say. I have always struggled with caring what others think. I have no idea why I do it and I have no idea why I cannot change myself with that.
@bounce58 (17385)
• Canada
4 Aug 11
I don't think I've ever encountered anybody say it to my face, but I've met a few people who are so into the 'right way' of bringing up their kids, that they can't help constantly proclaiming it. To a point that they make you feel bad because you're just doing it wrong.
I stay away from those kind of people as much as I could! They're very annoying.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
9 Dec 11
It is very common for people to tell especially mothers that they are doing things wrong with their children. Even people that have NO idea about being a parent. With my in home childcare I meet a lot of the people that tell me this or that. I have been in childcare for 13 years and I have 3 children of my own, I think I know a little thing or two about being around children and being a mommy. Lol.
@abatencila (970)
• Philippines
31 Jul 11
Sometimes and they also get into my nerves. I think there are no perfect rules to raise a child. Every rule depends on a child and every one is unique and can't compare. All parents wants the best for their so I don't mind them at all. I'LL LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I want it.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
31 Jul 11
It can be annoying but now I just try to laugh it off as best as I can. Yeah I take care of my children the best way I know how...
1 person likes this
@flowerfest08 (1677)
•
31 Jul 11
I think everyone have their own opinion on how to raise their children, or how they will raise their children, But I think unless a person aren't a mother yet,they won't know how to really raise one,maybe those who are telling that is they just saying their idea on how they will raise their child when they got one.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
31 Jul 11
I agree that everyone has their own opinion but your right unless you have your own and know how it can be there is no reason to judge someone else. It's more like, they are judging rather than suggesting actually which is the part that gets on someone's nerves.
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
8 Dec 11
I can remember when a friend had her baby, everyone in her family just seem to take over, it was painful to watch, it was like she had no say, no idea and they were all experts, hard to laugh as she was getting stressed iout because she didn't want to hurt anyone.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
9 Dec 11
Yeah that is a terrible feeling. My family never did that to me because they knew I was around children since I was 14 years old with babysitting so they knew I knew how to take care of kids.
Mostly it is strangers that did it to me in the past. I used to get mad because I have been in childcare for 13 years now plus I have 3 of my own children so I do know some things about being a mommy. Now I just laugh it off, it isn't worth my time.
@AmbiePam (93794)
• United States
8 Aug 11
That reminds me of a situation on mylot a couple months ago. This girl that had just had her first child was telling me how wrong my parents were in a situation that occurred while raising me. My parents were protecting me, but this girl thought she knew all about how things should be done. I just kept thinking, just you wait until you actually have to make these deicions.
My parents used to laugh when they would see newly married childless couples who would give out parenting advice like it was gospel. It's totally ridiculous.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
9 Dec 11
Ha, it's probably the same one that tried to give me parenting advice when she was nearing the end of her 1st pregnancy. Lol. Some people just think they know it all and it drives me crazy!
I have been in childcare for 13 years and I have 3 of my own children. I don't think I need any help in raising and knowing children. I just laughed it off because that is all you can do with these people.
I cannot stand it when people have no children at all and they tell you things that your doing wrong. Really? Let's see how perfect your children turn out! LOL
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
1 Aug 11
Being a young mom I have gotten this all too often. I had my oldest just before turning 18. I now have 3 daughters and a stepson and I'm 25. When I go out with my youngest daughter who is 2 I get the 'look' and all the 'helpful' advice. I just nod my head when I don't mind. When it becomes too much to bare I just tell them, 'this is not my first child. I have 3 other children at home, thank you' and they usually walk away with a look of discust. So all in all I would have to say half the time it annoys me but other times I just laugh it off. I know they mean well but at times I think people should just mind their own business.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
9 Dec 11
I understand the feeling. Even at 20 years old when I had my oldest people would think I knew nothing about being a mother or being around children. I had nieces and nephews and I have been babysitting young ones since I was 14 years old so I already knew a LOT that some new mothers don't know. So it used to bother me when I had her. Now, I have been in childcare for 13 years and I have 3 of my own children so I just try to laugh it off or ignore it completely.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
31 Jul 11
People who are not yet parents, people who have not parented small children in a LONG TIME, and people who have parenting philosophies that you disagree with all can make my blood boil when they start with their hapless 'advice'
Special consideration is given to people who are not yet parents but spend a lot of time with kids, as in a preschool or young elementary teacher, a full time daycare worker, grandparents who are full time caregivers to grandkids etc.
As far as new moms, I NEVER offer advice off the cuff. IF they ASK me, I might respond but I NEVER just give advice randomly. I don't think it is decent nor respectful to give unasked for advice. Generally I have seen a lot of brand new moms to be more insecure and not 'know it all' at ALL. I did a lot of reading and research while I was pregnant plus I have 3 younger siblings that I cared for a lot, so I was pretty comfortable when I was a new mom. I rarely asked for advice from people because I didn't need it. If someone offered something and I didn't ask for it, I usually just ignored.. .I do the same now and as long as it works, I'm cool. If someone insists I listen to them anyway, I'll ask them politely to mind their own business and then I go straight to stfu.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
9 Dec 11
Yeah it used to make me really angry too but I have heard it so many times now that I try to just laugh it off because it doesn't bother them so why should I let it bother me?
I have been around a lot of new moms through my in home childcare who tell me this or that about what to do with their little ones. I used to get angry with it and say do you not see my 3 children? Do you not realize that I have been in childcare for 13 years now? But now, I just say okay let it go because it is really not worth getting upset over...
I was babysitting and working in daycares plus I had 4 nieces and nephews by the time I had our first daughter so I was comfortable as a new mom also but I never tried to tell other people how to take care of their kids. To me, that was their business not mine.
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
1 Aug 11
I can laugh it off because my children are grown. However, I can still remember what I thought I would do with my children before I had any children. Ha, ha, ha.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
9 Dec 11
I laugh it off as well but the first couple times it happened it really annoyed me. I never really thought about what I would do with my kids before I had them. There were a few things maybe like I thought it wasn't good how afraid of my parents I was and so I always said I never wanted my children to Fear me. Have respect for me, absolutely but fear me...No!
@Bannybanzie (1397)
• Philippines
31 Jul 11
I'm not a parent but I'm not the kind who would say I know anything about parenting. I don't even know how to carry an infant.
I think we can never understand how things work until we are in the situation. Since you are a parent, I know you have far more understanding in this matter than anybody who is not a parent. I think you should just laugh (and mock them inside??, just kidding). I mean, laugh at them and say to yourself, let's see when you become a parent (or experience it a little more longer..).
Happy day!
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
9 Dec 11
Aw, I hope if you want children that you do have them someday. I love being a mommy, it is the greatest job in the world to me! =)
I do laugh it off now. I have heard it too many times now not to laugh. I know they don't know as much as I do about being a parent if they aren't one. Yeah, I do think that to myself like let's see how well behaved your children are when you have them... hehe.
@pbbbsra (1214)
• Philippines
31 Jul 11
I dont have a child yet, and I wont really tell someone to do this or do that If I havent done it myself. And if I am in your place, I will not care on what they say, I will listen to give respect, but I will do and decide according to what I know, as a mother, you know what's best for your child.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
9 Dec 11
Exactly, before I was a mommy I never told other people how to raise their children. In some cases I wanted to say something in my home childcare because some parents just did not know to leave extra clothes with me and that to me is just common sense. If their babies they need an extra change of clothes if they spit up or anything like that. But I kept my mouth shut most of the time and just kept extra stuff around so I could change them if they needed it.
@Maryr817 (58)
• United States
2 Aug 11
Very annoying but then again I'm annoy when anyone thinks they know everything..lol In order to preach the lesson you must first walk the shoes, so how can someone with out a child possibly tell me how to raise one. I can't fly a plain but I don't go around giving lessons either. lol Nice thread! Laughing is the best thing to do...;)
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
9 Dec 11
I agree! Some people do think they know everything and a lot of parenting is trial and error so no one knows everything about parenting. I always say I wish there was a handbook of parenting! Lol. Especially when they get to the teenage years which I am so not ready for!
Thanks, I thought this would be a great discussion and it turned out to be!
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
31 Jul 11
Parenting is not something we learned from books, it is all through experience of having our own children that teaches us to be the parents we are. Nobody knows better than ourselves how to handle our own children as we know what is best for our kids. Yes, I do find it irritating when someone try to tell me how to raise my own children. It is non of their concern and should not interfere in my style of parenting. They seem to be undermining my capabilities of being a parent. When I get people lecturing me how to teach my kids when I know they are no better than me I will just ignore them while putting up my unpleasing look.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
9 Dec 11
That is the truth. No one knows like we do how to take care of our own children. Everyone learns from experience. Also, things are not the same raising children in this generation as it was in earlier generations. We now have the added stress of trying to keep our children safe in this crazy world. Our kids cannot trust any neighbor or teacher like I felt I could as a child. It is very different.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
31 Jul 11
hi lovingmybabies When I was a young mom yes those did annoy me but as my husband always said let them walk the walk then talk the talk in other words they will learn the hard way. Just like when older moms told me oh once they are past twelve the rests a cinch. I am now in my older age thinking oh yeah,nope then is when the fun begins. The teens are a whole new ball game for sure. In fact you never stop being a mom all your life. I hurt for my son as he needs a full time job and only has a part time job. oh you think well of course you are his mom.yes but hes now 52 lol no a mom is a mom all her life.loving don't let the know it alls get you down you believe yourself and your gut instincts and you will be fine. nobody but you knows your children like you do so remember that hugs from hatley
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
31 Jul 11
Your exactly right, they will eventually learn the hard way. I have 3 children so I know about having and raising a child. I have also been a daycare and preschool teacher. So, I have over 12 years experience working with children of all ages. So, when people look at me or judge me just because I am younger than they are (which I do think it is the reason)it bothers me sometimes.
I agree, I know when mine get older there are going to be bigger responsibilities to worry about. The teenage years especially. That cannot be easier than now. I fear those days actually. I know I will have a broken heart and probably stress a lot because of worry!
I understand, my mom still hurts for me and I know I will be the same with my children. I fully expect it. If you love your children you will worry until the day you die about your kids. Maybe even when I am in Heaven looking down I will probably still make sure they are okay if God allows me to. LOL.
Thank you Hatley!
@la_chique (1498)
•
31 Jul 11
I am the woman who wishes she was a parent, standing back biting my lip as i see parents parenting who just dont know how lucky they are just to have the privelage of being a parent.
I know its difficult to be a parent and all anyone can do is their very best. I often have moments where i disagree with peoples parenting but i keep quiet and let them get on with it. Not my child - not for me to judge.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
31 Jul 11
I'm sorry, I hope you have a child of your own too one day. It is a privelage and a blessing. I know this. =)
Exactly, some people just don't know when to be quiet I guess. I just try to laugh it off or ignore it these days. I have too much to worry about.
1 person likes this
@xuyxuy (432)
• Philippines
31 Jul 11
Yes, I have met few people who are like that. They think that they've done their best and would boast that what they did was the for the good of the kid. I just listen them, only listen but will ignore what they say. By the time they're done saying things I just laugh it off. I should know better because I am the parent.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
31 Jul 11
I need to ignore what they say. For me that is a tough task. For some reason all of my life I have cared what others thought about me so it is a tough challenge to overcome but I will try. =)
@Xansus (946)
• Bulgaria
9 Dec 11
Well since its too early for me to even be parent . But i think everyone should raise their childeren they way they think its right . Its not about some people even expirianced telling you what to do and how to do it . It will be really annoying someone telling me how to treat my children ...