What you gonna do if your hubby is spending money in stuff you don't like?

I know I am late responding to this, but I am just now seeing the discussion. I have read through most of it and my heart really feels heavy for you. I can see the degree to which you are suffering and you cannot see a way out. I understand exactly where you are, as I am there too. The difference is I am the one who makes the money (and right now there is not very much of it as I am on unemployment). I have a 9 year old daughter who I have to provide for so I get very angry with the frivolous spending that my husband does. He tricks me out of money by saying he needs it for medication and other important things then I later find out he is using it for other things. He promises to work to pay money back or help me pay bills, but I never see the money. We definitely have a different set of priorities. I even try to make money online but he constantly sabotages my work on here so I don't get much done. Many, many times I have felt like giving up, but for the sake of my daughter I cannot. Every day I wake up with breath in my body is a day I have to strive to do whatever I can to make her life better. It is extremely frustrating, but you have to hang in there for your son. I'll be praying for you that you get peace over this situation and that soon you will see and experience a change for the better.

hello Jen, That's really bad to hear my friend. Or maybe he really wanted to buy that stuff. Maybe you can tell him to buy that thing now,but next time only buy things that are necessary. i never heard my husband ever say same word. He asks if he can buy and when I said next time and tell him that it's not necessary to buy that stuff,he listens. I hope you can convince your husband not to waste money for unnecessary things. have a good day jaiho®

My ex-husband had a problem with this "my money is mine" thing. He was obsessed with money as far as I was concerned. Money was the biggest problem in my marriage. We both were married before and had children with our ex's but when we got married the kids were adults on both sides. But you would think his kids were still kids because he felt even though they were working, to support them financially. He gave each of them, two daughters, $700 a month to help them pay their rent even though they had jobs and could pay their own rent. And then my kids got nothing not that they expected anything because they were both working. But for christmas it really bothered me because he would give each of his kids $1000 and my kids got $50 gifts. These are some of the reasons he is now an ex. I put up with his money greediness for 12 years and couldn't take it anymore. I got ill and couldn't work for a year and 1/2 and he wouldn't give me a penny for me. He paid the bills and the food but he wouldn't give me money for spending money. Once I was better and able to work again I left him. To me it wasn't a marriage at all, not when it is mine and yours instead of ours. Good luck to you with your marriage. Cheers, Chris

This is really a serious problem. I guess you laid out to him both the money that you both earn, your daily expenses on food and other basic necessities and your bills. You both sit down and talk and tell him the expenses you've jot down. In this way he will be aware on the standing of his earnings and your expenses, so that he will think twice on whether to really buy wan he want because it is his money or give more effort to look for another way to earn more so that he can really buy what he want and also you want.

In my opinion, if both of you are working, a common money should be allotted for the expenses and emergency expenses. But the both of you should have an allowance which you could also spend for your own. Provided, that all the needs should be met. That's what my husband and i does. So there's no telling each other, why she has to buy something for herself when that happens.

HI jenith,I feel very bad about you,because you want to do this for your family not for only you.your hubby should understand your concern about future.I hope he understand your feeling as soon as possible,over all he is not a single person.keep your mind cool,and try to convince him.

Ouch! that wasnt a kind response. A couple needs to discuss stuff before doing anything even if the money belongs to one of them. If that thing was important to him that he could not do without it then you can sit down and discuss but if it is a luxury then that was so rude of him. My hubby always consults me and if am not for the idea he stops but if it something really really important then he will sweet talk me until I accept. Sorry to hear that my friend.

i think every person had a different favourites..even their is our couple.. we can`t push our favourites become their favourites too... it`s not fair.. so i suggest you to respect your husband favourite

I am also the budget person in my family. I think it must be in the job description. My husband's company just started direct deposit which drives me crazy because he never tells me approximately how much his checks are and it is harder to figure out wht bills need to be paid and how much we have left over. When I budget I always make sure that there is at least 50.00 from each paycheck that we can spend on fun or in case my husband wants to splurge. I have noticed that if I let him slurge it keeps him happy. It is sad that he thinks of his paychecks as his money. My husband does not do that. Everything is ours. I also make extra money online and I keep it in my paypal account. I am trying to save it for Christmas and my husband knows this already and he is okay with it. Sometimes I will use my earnings and buy my husband a little gift. My husband also gets money from the government since he was a Veteran and he spends it on anything he chooses. Most of the time he uses it to buy himself things or he will say let's go out and eat.

Money is usually the cause of many marital fights. What I hear from you is not good. Your husband seems to be living a bachelor's life. He is already married and even if he is the one earning and working, the money that he gets is already conjugal. You have the right to know where the money goes because you are his wife.

my hubby has a big hole in his hand. he earns and spends. that is he. I can`t stop it. Most of the time i worry for it. He dosen't do it purposely. that is his habit. so he is doing it. whenever his pocket is full he goes out and do big shopping. whenever his pocket is empty he goes to bed and sleep. I love his sleeping position.

I had to go to your profile before commenting because I did not know your background. As a guy I don't know whether to suggest that you be confrontational or just wise up to the fact that he obviously does not value either you or your input into the marriage. I'm willing to accept that there are cultural differences between the UK and the Phillipines, so don't know where the land lies. It may be that he earns the wages (I did not look that far), but if you have been able to put aside from the household budget he would be a fool to squander it. At the very least, he should give you the credit for making those savings by allowing you a voice in how it is used. I know that I'm talking about 'western' values here, but I ope that it helps you believe that whatever the result you are not wrong to feel angry about his attitude.

This is a tough situation for you. :( I'm not married yet but I understand you because I had seen my parents a long time ago arguing about money too. Thank God, my father didn't said anything like that to my mother. And I'm happy because my father always give his full salary to my mother and lets my mother do the budgeting. He will just ask for a certain amount everyday for his expenses like snacks. :) I hope your hubby will soon realize that you're just thinking what is good for your family. :)

some times we keep skipping our desires to save for future In case of tight budget, occaisionally people get irritated. maintain your understanding. I belive its not always he says this, and he understands the situation.

That's frustrating. Does your husband realize why your budget is tight? I would be very angry if my husband told me that our money was not my money too. (Actually, I think I would tell him he could stay home with our son and I would go out and work then, and then all the money would be mine). This is a bad thing to suggest, but you might have to start hiding money. I have a little bit of money (a very small amount) hidden in case of an emergency. I also have a quite large amount in a savings account in my name only. My husband knows about the savings account because we're using it for a house one day, we just have to save up more. But I got that amount by saving a small amount each month for a really long time (6 years) and then leaving it to grow for 6 years.

Actually the money belongs to the household. You are right but since he is the haed of the house what can you say??? You will probably have to go throught some tuff times before he is able to see that. Has he not seen the budget???

This is hard because i believe you both should share. Like with expenses on groceries and stuff like that. Well talk to him about it. Me and hubby are both working and we allot money for household expenses and what is left is for ours to spend leisurely. lol. I believe you both just need to talk about it and maybe he will come to his senses

OH yes! When my husband has money that he earned he would spend it on our son's toy or to pimp his bike! I really hate it and i couldn't even bring it up to him because he would tell me it's his own money and he deserves to enjoy that. It had been the subject of our argument years ago till i just stop telling him that he sucks at saving money. I save up my own earnings so i can use it for future use. Though money is not a problem to us, i still hate it when he spends on something that turns out to be useless.

believe me, you not the first one who have to deal with that, I experienced that too, he spend fortune on his racing motorbike, he love it more that me..:(, sometimes, it is good when we as a wife have other extra income, for ourselves, at least by the time he said "this is my money" we won't feeling so down, because we earn some too although maybe not much compare to what he earn but at least for the house and the saving.. and for your own jewelry.. being independent, that's what I mean.. takes time.. but... you'll be fine. wish you the best, Jen..

No, i wasn't experienced on that case. I am the one who controlled the money and the budget and everything. My hubby doesn't ask where is the money. I fell so bad on your hubby for you. too much bad. hope you'll okay.*sigh*