Do We Really Have To Play With Them All The Time?

You just need to continue to show your affection to them. Although they do not appreciate what you do, you should still show your attention to them. Trying to advise if they make mistakes. You have to face them with patience.

I helped to raise 4 good boys. I followed a few basic rules and those kids now have children of their own, we are a very happy and loving family. I was always completely honest, and never tried to get anything past them.No matter what they asked, I answered to the best of my knowledge. In other words I treated each one as if he was a small adult. I showed as much trust in them, as I expected from them. I never talked down to them. When they were around ten I took them out behind the barn and taught them to smoke. They had lots of fun smoking, until they turned green. That was a lesson well learned. I never said a word that I wouldn't have liked to hear from them. I never sent them to church, but would have taken them if they had wanted to go.I helped them when they needed it, and they helped me in return. Life is a two way street!

I sure wish I knew what to tell you about this. My husband has three children and they will not have anything to do with him or me. I had a daughter of my own also when we met and he helped raise her. Now, none of them come around. My daughter is hardheaded and his children want my husband all to themselves so it just doesn't work.

Do you have your wife's support in this? And is their birth father in their lives?

Neildc, you won't believe this. I believe we have the same situation. My partner also have kids. 3 actually. eldest girl will be going to college next year or so. Same, name, same situation. LOL. Well, can't really advice you because the main difference is that the kids live with their real dad so they only come to us for vacation. Just love them the way you do. You got my respect

It's called being a parent your own or foster children. I think we are so afraid taht we will drive our children away if we expect common courtsey from them that we allow bad behavior. I learn this the hard way, raising children. I finally made some hard choices after figuring out that I was not preparing them for the real world. I started with a speech about the value of treating others as you wanted to be treated and then I enforced the rules. Basic rules, if you tell me you are going to do something you better do it or nothing else will get done until you do, if you tell me you will be someplace at a certian time, you better be there becasue that is when I am depending on you. If you want something ask, don't yell or scream at me, don't call me names, I don't call you names and treat me with kindness, I am your only parent, you don't get others, so you better take care of the relationship. If you are in a bad mood and need some time or space, just tell me, don't mistreat me. I don't mistreat you and if I ask you to do something you think is unreasonable tell me and we will discuss it. Bottom line is I feed, cloth and house you, as long as I do that we play by my rules unless I change them. A straight talk like this is so much better then just assuming everyone knows what is going on and how to act. Blessings

I am not completely aware about your situation, yet I feel that you should continue to play your part, irrespective of their attitude. If you are sincere towards your duty as a parent, one day they will realise your importance, am sure.

I kind of feel downhearted with my two adopted children whenever they rebel against me sometimes. They came to know that I am not their biological mother and start to distance from me. I took them when they were a year old and treated them no less than my two biological sons. They are now in their teens and in their rebellious age, they are really difficult to handle. This is where I feel I have failed in my duty as a parent. I understand your dilemma trying to be a responsible father to your stepchildren. These children never really understand that we won't be around them forever and their welfare is our concern.

They should have been taught to respect u from the beginning.If your children don't respect their parents they want respect anyone. REPECT IS SOMETHING THEY HAVE TO BE TAUGHT.

Even i dont have experience to have like what you have now i can say that being a father of them you should play still a role as true father for them. And as you stated you did it and treated them as your own kids. Even having your own legitimate child as today trend they will also do the same almost as what they do. On the first place they know who their real father is? I can say that they respect you too and treated you as their own like you did. If I will put myself on your situation well, same thing will do... and to handle their attitude is really a big challenge but i can do all the best i can.. Try all the best .

Hello Neildc, That's probably why some step parents are either too strict or doesn't care about their step siblings because they are not their own. I truly believe that you're step children are missing out the kind of blessings that they have and that is a concerned DAD. if they really love and care, they wouldn't give a crap if you are a STEP but as a REAL DAD to them as you have been doing and proving for so many years. but I do think god has seen your great deed and i hope they would realize that when it's not too late....you did you're best as a Parent..if they are on their own they will realize how lucky they are to have YOU when they are betrayed by the life outside the comforts of HOME.

Hi sweetie. No offense, but it's not always easy to be a step parent. Been there, done that. I remember how i treated my step dad. Give them time and see what happens. But, i bet they come to you when they really have trouble though. They need to respect you, gratitude isn't really the thing though. Hope, all goes well.

hi neild, Never been in this situation But as a person they must learn how to respect you and your wife Even they will have their own life soon they must know that without you and your wife they will be no one today. missing zay and ate pat happy mylotting

thats a very difficult question you ask neil, as all families are different and the relationships within them are different too. once they are as old as yours are they will be far more independent, and that is healthy, and what you would want. the question is then how you move on, as they become independent adults, and your role as parent changes. i think we then find ourselves as someone who can only advise, not as someone who can tell someone what to do. however in your own home you are perfectly entitled to have rules on behaviour, as long as they are not so strict that they enfringe the rights of the young adults in your house to have a reasonable amount of independence. its a question of balance, and a whole lot easier to say than do.

I became astep-mom when my step-son was 16. While I expected nag got respect, I also respected him. At 16, he was too old to really be under my authority. I let his parents take care of the parenting. He's now almost 21, and we're very close.

I really don't know how old these children are but I do not think that you are wrong to want them to respect you and obey you. My daughter was raised by her stepdad from age 2-8 and I always told her that he loved her because he wanted to and that she needed to respect him. He adopted her when she was 8 and they are really close (she is almost 21 now). You are there with them because you choose to be and they need to realize that you do not have to take care of them, but you love them enough to do that.