What would you do if your husband wasted thousands of dollars?
By dlpierce
@dlpierce (495)
United States
August 13, 2011 9:08am CST
About a year ago I sold a piece of property left to me by my mother. I put some money into separate savings accounts for my husband and I to have for safe keeping if something should happen to either of us the other would be secure. I knew he had spent a large amount buying a truck and a few other things he thought he needed, but just a few days ago I discovered he closed the account a long time ago. He told me this himself when we were discussing his 401k being attacked again by the stock market. He's 60 years old. I suggested he add it to his savings account. He said I closed that out a long time ago. I was speechless. I thought I did the right thing giving him an account that was his alone in case something happened to me it wouldn't be tied up in red tape. And it would avoid him paying inheritance tax on the money. I still have most of the money I put in my account. Now I worry he's going to beg me for some of that. Just when I think I know him and can trust him he throws me a curve ball.
8 responses
@QeeGood (1213)
• Sweden
13 Aug 11
As others say, communication is the important part. You put money into an account under his name, then he felt free to spend it or save it after his mind. In another perspective he knew about the money you have in your account is still there. So if he goes first you have money to live on, and if you go first he will probably have your money after you. Maybe the truck was a hot desire for him to have at that time.
Well you know how he'll do if you give him that amount of money again.
@QeeGood (1213)
• Sweden
15 Aug 11
If your husband do not listen to you. You have to act like a man. You do it in actions. Think like a man. I've observed men doing business. They have No feelings involved only a Big Ego to get What They Want! So if your man do not do as you as or listen to you. Take action doing it uncomfortable for him. He will recognize you!
@onewaydream (27)
• China
14 Aug 11
Men and women, you know, always have different way of thinking. If you would like to persuade him to agree with your way, it will be very difficult.
He is 60 years old. He have his own judgement. You thought you did the right thing. So did him. Maybe you can talk with him about the old good or bad times you shared. Maybe you can let him know the difficulty of life.
That is my viewpoint.
@dlpierce (495)
• United States
14 Aug 11
He certainly should remember the struggles we shared. But then it never bothered him much I was always the one figuring how to make ends meet. His check always went to the bank for bills minus what ever he took out for spending. Mine always went for groceries, gasoline, and other things we needed unless I needed to add some of it to pay bills that his didn't cover. I don't miss the struggles just fear going back to them.
@dodo19 (47336)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
14 Aug 11
I can understand how he may have thought that he could spend it as he wanted to spend it. It does make some sense. However, it does seem as though communication, or the lack thereof, may have not helped the situation at all. It just seems as though there was lack of communication on both parts. I am not say that you have no right to be upset. I can understand why you are upset at your husband. I'm sure that I would have been upset as well. However, I'm just saying that, if you and your husband had talked about it before, it may not have been as huge of a problem.
@dlpierce (495)
• United States
14 Aug 11
We talked about the security these accounts would give us. Guess he doesn't care. Oh, well I knew he was a spender so what's gone is gone. We have always had a bit of a communication problem, funny how we made it 37 years. Mostly because I tend not to argue about much as it does no good anyways.
@abatencila (970)
• Philippines
14 Aug 11
Sad for you. I guess you have to discuss it with your husband so he can explain to you and understand him why he have to spend all the money. You are both lucky that you have some to save. Discuss some of your thoughts with your husband so you don't have to worry anymore.
@dlpierce (495)
• United States
14 Aug 11
I'm pretty much done worrying about it. We never had a whole lot to save before. We struggled for years living paycheck to paycheck with both of us working. I finally felt in control of our money problems. It's just with retirement coming closer and closer I thought he would want knowing he had a nest egg saved for times when our income will be limited. It was put in there for him to do as he wanted only I never thought it would be gone in such a short period of time.
@pahak627 (4558)
• Philippines
13 Aug 11
That money was in his name so he thought that was his for spending. You gave that to him. If I were in your shoes, I won't deposit the money in his name just to evade future inheritance taxes. That's really a great mistake for us thinking of inheritance taxes when in fact, it would be the heirs who will solve any problems that may occur when we are already out of this world.
@goggles213 (735)
• Philippines
14 Aug 11
Men and money were never a good combination that's why I let my wife handle all the expenses and savings. I do have some money of my own but for some reason, I have a spending habit that I can't shake off. It don't know if it is a man's nature to spend and what not but since you are already married for so long with him, a little money - or in this case, this huge amount won't be a factor in changing your feelings for him, hopefully. :)
@savypat (20216)
• United States
13 Aug 11
Communication is the bigest problem in all human relationship, especialy marriage.
From his point of view he thought of that money as a gift, even if you explained
what you expected that is not what he heard. The reason I know this is the fact that he told you the details with no lies. You put that money in his care for just that, his care. Money always seems to start many problems, but in the end it's the communication that does you in. All you can do now is forget it and move on, think of it as lesson learned, I'm sure you know that this is the way to keep a marriage together. Blessings
@dlpierce (495)
• United States
13 Aug 11
I'm sure you're right. It's just we hadn't felt that secure about the future before and he was always more concerned than I about it. After 37 years I shouldn't be to surprised by the things I don't understand about him. I was good and didn't say a word, but inside it made me sick to think he could spend all that without me knowing it. Thanks for the reply it does make me feel better.
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
13 Aug 11
Thousands of dollars seems too much just called "wasted", don't you think? I might think that your husband should consider his future retirement, and not to throw away the money you gave him. Actually, how nice of you to think about giving him such large amount of money for saving. He should treasure that money, and invest it wisely.
@dlpierce (495)
• United States
13 Aug 11
That's what bothered me the most that he just wasted most of it. He has become very addicted to buying lottery tickets and I think that's were a lot of it went. We had already spent a lot on very needed home repairs and a new car. I thought I had built a very good nest egg. I have always been a little leery about having things to good. We both have always worked hard for what little we have. I just don't understand him. But to save conflict I try to keep my mouth shut. I know I could be worse off and when you live with someone as long as I have lived with him you get use to the unexpected, but that doesn't make it any easier.
