Uncertain about relationship
By Author-Lissa
@Firestorm0122 (735)
United States
August 16, 2011 8:28pm CST
I am the type of woman who appreciates a man enough to respect his need for space and freedom. Whenever I was in a relationship I gave my trust to that man and never called him every five minutes demanding to know where he was. Sure I'd want him to tell me if he was going to be late for dinner, and I'd want him to come see me first before going to his friends. But only if I had not seen him all day because of work. You tend to miss the one you want in your life.
Yet, the relationships never worked out. Some of them have cheated on me. Others abused drugs. And there were a few who said we had nothing in common. I understand that having things in common are beneficial to a relationship. However I can't believe that the "nothing in common" can destroy a relationship. People are different and no one should expect another to like everything they do. I wouldn't expect someone to like anime or to appreciate web design. I wouldn't break up with someone because they didn't want to go to the art museum with me.
Now if the person rarely showed me affection and looked embarrassed to be seen in public with me, then I'd think seriously over the relationship. Currently I am no longer in a relationship. I had hopes I could rekindle it with my ex-boyfriend but he wants someone who has things in common with him. I may not be into cars as much as he is, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't go to a car show if he asked me. So long as I wasn't busy. Sad thing is, he claims I never wanted to go. I don't remember him ever asking me though.
I don't think I'll wait for him any more. I don't think I'll bother with another relationship, but that I am uncertain of. Maybe I'm just afraid.
9 responses
@rdmcollamat (176)
• Philippines
17 Aug 11
Having something in common is a good thing in a relationship. BUT, it doesn't mean that not having something in common is bad. It really depends on the people involved with the relationship. Just keep an open mind and everything will be fine. :)
1 person likes this
@Firestorm0122 (735)
• United States
2 May 12
Hi rdmcollant,
You're right. It's not a bad thing to not have everything in common. As humans we can learn to adapt to situations that seem far beneath or above us. This goes along with learning how to be around someone whose beliefs differ than your own. As it is, he and I are friends, and are remaining friends. There is still come care between us based on our actions toward each other. But that's as far as it goes. Someday, he and I will both find the right "one" and be content with it.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
17 Aug 11
Nothing in common can not be a reason for break up but yes sometimes something that are common can make the two enjoy together. I think the space should not be more wider and is out of our reach. First give yourself sometime and analyze what type of a relation you are looking for then decide accordingly. You could have asked him more about his passion for cars and shown a little interest though its not your cup of tea. Any relationship needs adjustments and amendments.
1 person likes this
@Firestorm0122 (735)
• United States
2 May 12
Hi viju0410,
I had attempted to show interest in his passion for cars. I even asked about car fairs and more. Problem was, he never took me out on any of them. I still don't know why, because there were plenty of times I was home. He often went while I was still sleeping. Other times I'd return home after classes or babysitting and I'd find him gone. When he returned, he'd tell me where he went. Off to his friends to go four-wheeling or to go to a car fair. I never got the chance to go despite my asking several times. And he knew more about these events, locations and what not, than I did.
Am I mad at him for this? No. A little hurt? Yes, who wouldn't be? There's only so much a person can do on their end. However, because we are still friends there are still opportunities for us to hang out. We still hike in the woods and cliffs (lots of fun), and we still talk. Him more than me. And someday there will be a fourwheeling ride. Currently he has not gone fourwheeling in quite some time. Difficulties on his end. Sad though. It's his favorite past time. : /
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
17 Aug 11
For me yes that's life in you just accept it in your husband because the man don't like that way but if he is the type of under by wife that's okay by him.
@Firestorm0122 (735)
• United States
2 May 12
Hi ebuscat,
I don't have a husband. I don't think I will any time soon either. I'm not sure if I am ready for that yet. Maybe someday though. :)
@kaylachan (68508)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
18 Aug 11
You shouldn't wait for him. And, if he was stupid enough to do that to you then he wasn't the right person for you. But, you shouldn't give up on relationships completely either. There are guys out there that aren't total pigs. Guys who will accept you for who you are. Try not to let the lack of a relationship affect you so. You just need to find a better guy out there who will treat you right.
@Firestorm0122 (735)
• United States
2 May 12
Hi Kayla,
You're right. I have decided not to wait for him. We are still friends, but the relationship between us is officially over. I am not yet ready to date, having fear I'll be hurt again. I know someday I'll find the right one, or he'll find me. For the time being though I am not actively looking.
@myjoon (25)
• China
17 Aug 11
Don't be afraid. Almost everyone has a failed relationship, so for now you should just be single and listen to your heart about what you really want the man do. Maybe you could somtimes call him demanding to know where he is and what he is doing ,and these may tell him that you care about him and miss him. These may promote your relationship. So just changing a little. Good luck.
@Firestorm0122 (735)
• United States
27 Aug 11
Thank you, myjoon. I have been single for nearly three years now. So I do feel a bit lonely. But I also feel the pleasure of being "free" if that makes sense. Though we're not together, we still talk and hang out at times. Though it's not every day. I think my best choice is to be friends with him for a while.
The friendship bit seems to work out just the same as the relationship bit. I know it sounds perplexing but how we behave toward each other now (his doing as well as mine) is exactly how we were when we were together. The only slight difference is that we are not possessive of each other any more.
I did tell him yesterday I wanted to go see a demolition derby. That seemed to excite him. So maybe the relationship will rekindle. If not, that is okay too. We can still remain friends.
@Judy890 (1644)
• United States
17 Aug 11
Ive been single and celibate for 7 months now and im to the point in my life where i feel like all guys are the same, my past was horrible. Ive been cheated, lied, and betrayed. I once dated a guy who thought we should end it because we didnt share anything in common as well. I told him but everyone is different we dont have to share the same thing in order to work out. If a guy wants to end it because you dont share things in common just think of it as there lost because they are missing out on what they couldve tried to work out rather than looking for someone with similar interest, even couples with the same thing in common dont work out. I feel like both partners should make a relationship work and not having things in common shouldnt be important or what makes a relationship work out, now your ex just let him be your ex, something have had to happen for him to be your ex and going back to him will make things worse been there done that I got hurt everytime. Only insecure people go back to exs there are plenty of fishes in the sea you'll catch one someday who will probably be "the one" if your young just have fun for now you dont need a man to make you happy.
@Firestorm0122 (735)
• United States
21 Aug 11
Exactly. While I find it nice to have some things in common, having it control the relationship is sad. It's hurtful when it pushes someone you care about away from you. The main thing is, he and I are still talking. And we do have some things in common. But it doesn't seem to be the right things in common.. So..yes, I am confused.
@haopee (493)
• Philippines
17 Aug 11
I think you just haven't found the right match. Take time to cherish your being single, I'm sure the right one will come but not too soon.
Maybe you should ask yourself if you're being to lax on your relationships and some of your exes feel they aren't given enough attention. Jealousy is ultimately bad but other men think it's sweet when women turn on their possessive side once in a while.
Regarding your most recent ex, I think he wanted you to actually ask him if you could come rather than him asking you to come for him. Nowadays, I've been asking my boyfriend if I could come with him to his basketball practices even when he knows I'm not a big fan. The first time I asked him, he was in disbelief, and kept on asking "Are you really sure about this?" repetitively until we reached the court.
Every relationship is a lesson, so don't regret your experiences. Uncertainty is normal as change is the only constant thing in this world. Be cautious on your next relationship but don't be afraid, you have your smarts and women instincts to guide you by.
@Firestorm0122 (735)
• United States
21 Aug 11
I don't think I'm being laxed. I've told him before I wanted to go with him to places, but he's claimed I never wanted to go.And despite being a bit possessive, it didn't work. He broke up with me because he first said he was too stressed and not ready for a relationship. And then he said it was because we had nothing in common. As you can imagine, this is very cofusing. We have been talking though, and I think he's just confused at what he wants too.
@HeartROB (434)
• Philippines
17 Aug 11
You have been through a lot of relationships. And i think for now it is common to feel uncertain on having another relationship. I think for now, maybe you should first rethink yourself, maybe it is good for you right now on not getting onto a relationship. Enjoy being a single first and maybe on that way you may be able to find out what you really want on a relationship. And on the next relationship that you will have, maybe at that moment you may now able to make it work. Enjoy life:))
@Firestorm0122 (735)
• United States
21 Aug 11
Sadly, I suppose you can think that. I've actually been single for over two years now. But yet seeing couples makes me wonder if I should pursue or stay single. I enjoy the freedom that comes with the singleness, but the loneliness does bother me at times.
