The Dilemna of being an Unwanted Child

Oh my gosh. How I wish the Catholic church or the CBCP in the Philippines would here this so that, they would realize how important is the R.H. Bill. You really can't blame the mom because she got rape. It is either the child understand the situation of her mother and move on or her mother would understand the feelings of a child, but it is so hard to the part of a mother? Got rape and traumatize?! You really can't blame her! -- before she become a mother of a child, the mother should not be traumatized and should be healed -- but the word traumatize is very hard to heal in the part of an individual if something bad happened to her. It needs psychologists or it needs expert in field of trauma -- oh yeah, I have seen some clinic here in our area that they help a person that has trauma. Trauma is a high risk than a child looking for a love that would satisfy her. Love comes any form whether from a father, from a grandma, from a friends, from a boyfriend and so on, but trauma -- the word trauma would never be healed unless you hired an expert to cure that person. If I were the mother, sorry to say -- but I really just can't be the mother of a child. I can't give the love what she's looking for. Its hard to pretend to be a mother. I could give her to another who would substitute as a mother -- that would be a nice thing to do, I guess. You have to imagine this, if your girlfriend did something wrong to you or your boyfriend did something wrong to you, you would also move on and forget her. You don't want to remember her or you don't remember him again -- the same with the mother.

I don't think there is a right or a wrong answer to this one. All the 19yr old wants is to be loved and recognized by her mother... very understandable. On the otherhand the mother was tramatized by the event that led to the 19yr old conception and that like any tramatic event can damage a person for a life time as that is one of the consequences of being a victim of such a horrific act.... that it's hard to forget nor accept what happened. I feel sorry for both of them. And one would hope the Mom could get past what happened to her and not see her daughter as a product of rape but a positive spin with a child who loves you and you love her unconditionally no matter what. Neither of them had a choice in what happened. I don't think the daughter likes knowing that she was not a product of love but of violence.

That is really sad, I am sorry the mother didn't get help to overcome her bitterness, then her daughter wouldn't be treated this way.. I know of a not so well known celebrity who was conceived when his mother was raped and I don't know if his mother has been healed of her emotional wounds, but he has overcome it when he found Jesus. I would tell the girl his story or just find a video of his life story and hopefully it would give her hope and show her that she is loved a lot, even if her mother doesn't...

Being a mother has nothing to do with giving birth. The girl has been an orphan all her life and she has been lucky to have her grandmother. She is not the first case nor will be the last. If she has lived 19 years without her mother and her biological mother has a family of her own, she has to move on. Personally, I doubt that she wants so much to have her mother recognize her as her child. It sounds as those things the media does to get a simpathetic audience. She can have no hole in her heart: her grandma filled it. If I were her I´d forget the whole story, except if someone (the radio for instance) is paying me to tell it.Why would anyone want to be recgnized by someone who hates her? I´d try to run from the one who hates me.

Hi Letran Knight: That's a really sad story but I can't judge the mom. Maybe she never recovered from such a trauma. I would just listen to the daughter and I would say, you can go up and overcome this terrible situation. If you believe in God you should know that God loves you and he is the owner of your life. If not, try to find the love in the things you do and the persons around you that cares for you and of course you need to forgive your mom for not having time for you and the person who rape your mom. It's a difficult way for your self acceptance but if you want you can heal yourself. I will pray for her. ALVARO

If this is an example of picking sides, I doubt I could pick anyone. I cannot blame the mother since she herself is a victim and her child is always an unwilling reminder of her past experience. Neither can I blame the daughter for longing for acceptance and love. I guess nothing can be done anyway since both parties aren't really talking to each other. I think the girl should find someone who will accept her for what and who she is and move on from there. she cannot be always the begging party and trying to make excuses for her mother. She ahs her own life to live. Perhaps the only thing is that she and her mother can reconcile and talk some time in the future.

That's too sad. I know how she feels. I lost my parents at a very young age. My aunt came to sustain my needs but my life there wasn't easy. It is totally different to be with the real family. I also long for a perfect family but i know it is impossible. So, i guess the best way for her to do is to move on with her life and find ways to make her happy and be contented. And most importantly is to pray. Praying to God that someday her mom would realize that she isn't a mistake and she doesn't have a fault. Hope she'll make it.

It’s an unhappy situation. I would tell this girl the truth about her birth and why her mother feels the way she does so that she can at least understand why her mother is keeping a distance from her. It may requre a professional to assist her in dealing with this. I would also encourage her to initiate contact with her mum perhaps by letter at first. She may be rejected but at least she would have tried and not live the rest of her life wondering.

If I was the daughter, I would recognize that it has nothing to do with her. Mom has issues. I would no longer make it about myself. I would make it about mom. I would give mom extra doses of unconditional love at every opportunity, Expect and ask for nothing in return. Unconditional love is a powerful force. It is very hard to turn away. If the daughter can give this unconditional love, mom might just be drawn to it at a point of hardship in her life. Mom might discover how valuable a loving daughter can be regardless of how the daughter came to be. Extra Extra important. The daughter's love must be Unconditional to mom. Anything else will never cure the problem. Patience for people sometimes heal slowly.

dear LK, The daughter needs a mother, and here's the mother who was never able to moved one from such trauma. I am not a psychologist , but trauma is a hard thing to battle with. It needs acceptance from the concern, and this is the problem with the mother- she still cannot accept what happened to her. It gives her fear, hate and make her life miserable. Now, with the daughter, she has to understand everything. She has to be thankful that she's fine and her grandma stands as her loving mother. They need to have a heart to hear talk - a mentor and mediator - good therapy for both - that's what they need. have a great weekend dear brother sis, jaiho®

Being a mom myself, it is heartbreaking to hear stories like this. But this is so real, Knight and, that is the saddest part of it. If I were this child, I will never give up on my mother. I will keep hoping, wishing and praying that she will learn to love me, if not sooner then, maybe, later... I will not stop loving her either...Maybe, one day my love for my mother will overcome the hatred she feels towards me and the reason why I was born... I admire this girl's patience.And only a heart of stone will never acknowledge such patience and love. Her mother is still very much a part of her, I know, there is something gentle feeling she is trying to hide from her daughter. But if she can learn to forget and forgive, they will both have a happy ending...

That is so difficult...If I were in her position, I would talk to my mother and would tell her that I didn't wish to be born so we are both victims here. Because she decided to have me born, I have the right to be loved by you. Since you can't give me that love or even just the recognition, I will accept that. I am thankful that I have grandparents who take care of me. I hope you love your children so much. I hope you give them the love and care they need as your children, which you never gave me. When time comes that I'm gonna have my own child, I'll make sure to love him so much cause I know how sad it feels to be disowned by my own mother, I know how it feels to live without a mother. I'm going to accept him no matter what happens cause his a gift, he didn't choose me to be born and to be my child, it is God's plan. I know someday I'm gonna find someone who will love me for who I am, no matter how tough my life has been, I know I'm gonna find the love and care that I should have given me. Remember mother, I never wanted you to be raped and abused. I am a product of that nightmare but I never wished to be born cause you never loved me because of that nightmare, it ruined you and my life.

The absence of a parent cannot be replaced by anybody at all. I was orphaned at the age of 13. Aunts and uncles came to comfort me and tried to be my parents but I just couldn't fill the emptiness in me. I've lived with them for 13 years and it's difficult to forget them this girl however never experienced having one and the longing to have one is much stronger. No words can comfort her at all but I wish the mother would someday find in her heart to acknowledge her own daughter!

Hello LK, Thats really sad.The situation is tough for both mother & daughter.I think now daughter if knows it then she should try to lead her life as her own and should forget her mom she should accept it that her mom is not going to accept her. But i know its really tough for her to do it but this is the real fact.Mother for children means a lot i can say this because i lost my mother at the age of 4 years but remembers her whenever i see someone's mother caring for her child. As far as mom is concerned its normal behavior i would have done the exact thing what she is doing but she should also understand it that what is the crime of this girl?.Of course she is the result of rape but she is her daughter at the end.

The lady did very well to give birth to her daughter. I think that some attack victims that get pregnant have an abortion. It was lovely that the lady's mom brought that little girl up. It is horrible that the girl is so very much unwanted by her mother. However due to being attacked it is understandable that she feels trauma if she sees her daughter. Maybe the lady should have adopted her baby daughter but time can not be turned back. If I was the grandmother I would try to set up a happy future for my 19 year old grand daughter. It might be better if she goes to live in a different area like goes off to university for example.

i guess it's unfair for the child to be neglected and not being accepted by the mother. she has nothing to do or should not be blamed for what happened to her mom. she was just the product of it. with the girl, she should be thankful enough to her mom that she was still born. not all products of rape were born, and even of not rape.