It's Best For Me To Just Shut Up and Listen!

On dear NEIL it happens with every married couples they do have arguments and quarrels.I also have it with my wife but i feel sometimes we get too much involved in the arguments and don't stop.I realized it many times and have observed that when such thing happens one person should shut up and should leave that place.I have done it several times when i see that our argument is being heated up i normally shut up and go out of the house because i know women don't easily control on their mouth.

neil maybe you do need to shut up and listen as sometimes we women get so frustrated when you guys just put us off, then we fing ourselves doing what most of us really do not want to do, yelling at you. look you lost your cool so did hse, you do love her don't you? what is it about her that made you love her,think on it some. then pick a time when she is not angry and you are not' angry with her and sit down and be nice to her, then have a talk calmly not getting emotional, I dislike that term "her mouth never stops" well mister you probably have a little to do with htaht, quarrels are never just one sided, you are a human being and humans men or woem are not PERFECT. I am not taking anyones side here but as a woman I have some compassion for your wife. I think in the Philippines you may have a bit different slant on women than we do in the US but remember taking care of a man, a house and a bevy of children is not all that easy. and if she is ill surely you must cut her some slack just as you would yourself ,be good to her and come off that her mouth never stops as I imagine she could also say the same for you when y ou were yelling at her and she was screaming at you.look women are women we are not like men, remember that I am an old lady but I am a woman and most of us are a lot more temperamental then men. lol lol. please do not be mad at me as I am not trying to be mean to you at all.just remembering my own marriage and how we managed. I had a temper too and at first used to throw things., but I did change. lol loll

One rule that my husband and I have is that we don't get mad at the same time. If one of us is already hot-tempered, then the other will just have to control his/her temper so that the issue will not grow worse. If your wife is already mad, then you will just have to talk to her calmly, express what you want to say to her without raising your voice. That way, she will eventually calm down because you are not fueling her temper, there is no way she can be mad at you when you are just talking to her calmly. Shutting up will not help at all, you will just harbor ill feelings towards your wife and you will not be able to address the issue properly

I think people should learn how to listen when they are in a relationship of any kind. Disrespecting the other person by talking over them does not help anyone. It causes bad feelings that takes along time to clear up. Here is a good article about how to listen. There are certain things you need to learn about listening and communicating back and forth instead of yelling. Here are some highlights: Remove distractions and tune in to what this person is saying. Eye contact is important. Turn down or off music or television. Remove anything else that can take your mind away from what is being said. Give them the respect you would like to receive from them. Calm yourself. Picture yourself walking through a forest. Only the sounds of birds and animals. Or mentally place yourself in a place where you can relax. Be quiet and reflective. Take some time to listen to your own thoughts and what is in your head. A busy mind does not make a good listener. Empty your mind of thoughts and emotional feelings. This will help you hear what the other person is saying. Life is busy and full of so much we have to interact and be a part of that it is hard to separate it all and strive to say what we need to say. Practice what you want to say. Run it through your mind so that when the time comes you will be able to express yourself. If it is a difficult subject then rehearsing is a good way to make your side of the conversation seem more realistic and true. Hope those are of help to you.

MAN!!! Yes we told you to talk to her but you should have chosen a different time..not when she is not feeling well lol of all times. Do not approach women when they are not in the mood. got that? lol my hubby knows it well now, he would tell me i am like a tiger when i am not feeling well, or i am in pain or i have dysmenorrhea! Plus if you want to talk to her, you could take her OUT OF THE House! Like, you both go to eat or dine outside..in that way she could not shout in those areas my friend. My hubby did that. lol. And it worked, he was able to tell me what he felt..and sometimes keeping mouth shut is ok but it build up feelings of resentment and anger even..so it is much better to tell her..but please do the right timing!

I am so sad to hear your story and I don't know what to say. Maybe, your wife is suffering from something, maybe emotional because from your story, she's easily irritated and talks so much. I know that you guys doesn't want woman who talks much. I admire your patience. Anyway, hope everything will be okay soon.

It can be difficult to know what to do in this situation. Obviously talking reasonably to one another without shouting is half the problem. If you get your wife in a calm state, then begin the conversation with " I know how you feel".. but...'If all else fails, then may be counselling that focuses on commuincation would help. As I haven't been on My lot for a long time, I am not up to date with your situation.

That is terrible. I think you have to be able to talk to one another for the relationship to be healthy and strong. My husband used to not talk to me and it made things worse.

I think you need talk to her when you are both in a good mood. Let her know what is bothering you. I am one of those people who cannot have a reasonable conversation when I am upset about something. I need time to cool down. Try talking to her when she is calm and you are calm.

Making a marriage work is the hardest job U WILL EVER HAVE. Good luck.

I understand you my friend if there would be times you get fed up with your nagging wife. No husband would like a nagger so I understand you fully well. If you and your wife could just talk about this problem without getting into war then the the better. Maybe during your light moment you could talk and tell her in a nice way why she should not nag. If still she did not change then I just wish somebody else can talk to her. Your wife should know the danger of being a nagger. She should realize that a nagger is the least person a husband would appreciate. I hope your wife has a relative or an elder, or a friend who could advice her that she should control her mouth if she wants her husband to love her more and if she values peace and harmony in the family.

the joy and bliss of a married life. Can we just return our wives to their parents so we can live a life in peace? . To some extent I feel the same way Neil, there's always that point where I am pushed to the limits of restraint from shouting back and pouring every thing I feel inside to my wife. Sure, I understand that she's having a bad day but it's just torture when she opens her mouth and say things that I consider trivial. But so far I always manage to just let everything pass from one ear to another. There's just no point in fighting fire with fire, that I'm certain and so far it's working. Because I realize that it's not easy to stay at home and do all the things wives have to do. The kids alone are already draining plus all the house chores that needs to be done. It would seem OK if there's more than enough money but I think budgeting gives the biggest headache that's why I leave it up to her. When ever I feel like exploding, I just watch TV and turn up the volume. Sure I shout back but that's just in my thoughts that way I won't hurt her feelings.

My mother was really a nagger. My father hated that a lot and whenever they fought, my father broke things in the house and then ran away to my grandma. My father never laid a finger on my mom and that was his best quality, but he liked breaking my mom's precious china wares. That was a waste of money! I tried to understand my mom since she was a very busy woman, earning a lot of money thinking of where to invest, etc. But i felt my dad as well! Who would want a nagging wife? So i promised to myself i won't be like my mom, but sometimes i couldn't help berating my husband but that's on rare occasion. But you know what i hate it when my husband keep silent on me. Would rather have him talk than walk away.

you fell in love with her once.. what are the things you love about her? just remember and focus on those things....remember there are things you do that annoy her to

SOmetimes its good to get things out int he opena dn not hold in even if there is a shouting match just if ya both listen what each other are saying

Hi neil! That's really sad. A hot head should really not be met with another hot head. And you're right. You should have just shut up your mouth when your wife started talking. Maybe you could have talked but with a calm voice and not with raised voice like hers. She was probably extra angry because of her fever. I hope you can patch up things with her today. Good luck!

Yes Neil. I feel your pain my friend. Sometimes you feel you need to get your point across and to be heard, but that only makes the situation worse. When dealing with these hormonal creatures called women, I think it is best to just let them get their way, stay silent and then talk about it calmly in a day or so when all the anger and frustrations have subsided. That is my experience anyway. Fighting and getting angry gets us nowhere. I know the silent days after an argument too. They are very awkward.

Hi neil! I got shocked for a moment there coz I thought that you literally put the house on fire! Anyway, I don't really know the whole story but allow me to give you some advice based on what I know. Basically, we female species tend to get really "mouthy" when we're frustrated about something. That's kind of a given -- it's human nature to us females, well, 99% of us if not all. But what most men don't know is that we just wanted to vent out our frustrations, that is all. We didn't really need other people's (or in this case, our husband's) opinion or advice, but we just wanted to let it all out. I think it was just a bad timing for you when you told her your mind, after all, aside from being tired, she has colds & fever, I can only imagine her demise and frustration when you talked to her. Doing household chores is a very tiring job, and not only that it is tiring, it's veeery boring and monotonous! Especially if she's just doing it all by herself? Aside from your kid/s, is she alone in the house all day? Because that can also be a factor. Perhaps she's not only tired about the chores, but also bored about her days in general. I myself would always complain about the chores, but my husband would just keep quiet and not complain back. Like you, he realizes that it's best for him to just shut up and (most importantly) listen He also knows that I'm bored. So what he usually does is take me & the baby out to a simple dinner or a stroll around the mall or park, etc. But of course, it's also unhealthy for you to just shut up all the time. You can always say your mind but make sure the timing is good. Make sure that she's not tired or angry and your emotional environment is calm and happy. She'd be more open to listening if she's calm and rested But when she's frustrated and starts ranting, just listen, and if you should talk, don't give her advice on what to do, instead, sympathize with her. Do you watch Modern Family? There's a very good example there in one of their episodes where Phil (the husband) was in the Spa (I know, it's a long story ). Anyway, his wife called him on his cellphone and told him about how frustrated she is with her day. When Phil started to tell her what to do with it, she got shut out by her wife and the ladies in the Spa told him that he should have just listened and sympathized with her rather than telling her what she should do or should have done. Anyway, that's all I can say for now. I hope I helped. I admit that my suggestions may be a little bit biased because I myself am a woman and a wife, but I can totally relate with your wife. At least you would have some more woman's perspective :) Have a great day and happy Lotting!

yes you should shut up cause if you don't she might divorce you.Which will never happen so just try to stay clam and everything will be allright.

Yes, the best thing a man can do is to keep their mouth shut when a woman is on fire. It could really burst or explode like a bomb. The more a man interferes with her, the more she could talk loudly. I think most women are like that so better not to interfere with them and just pretend that you accept whatever things she said. Later on when she feels better from nagging or shouting, you now have the chance to talk with her trying to ask what she is really mad about. Because when a man is on fire, woman is also afraid to interfere with him. She is afraid to be hurt by his fists or get slapped on her face which is not really good for couple. That could be one of the grounds why most couple got separated.Isn't it? What do you think?