I can always count on family to disappoint.....(
By lumenmom
@lumenmom (1986)
United States
August 23, 2011 9:06am CST
I do not interact with my family very much anymore, because they really don't feel like family. I get so much more support from friends and even strangers. I had mot talked to my sister for almost a year. I never thought we would ever fall out but it was over our children with hers being bullies and in the process bullying my child which she did not want to see or believe. She also does not want acknowledge her own resentful treatment toward my daughter. Well we recently found out we live around the corner from each other, with her living right down the street from my daughter's school. We have tentatively started talking and even have gone on a few outings that went ok, but inside I knew not to get too comfortable so even though we are in close proximity, I do not try to get together too much nor do I ask her for rides or anything. I especially do not ask her to watch my child.
Well yesterday I had to go to a back to school parent meeting in the evening. They specifically said not to bring children. I wanted to ask my sister to watch her, but I just felt it was not a good idea so I had lined up a friend to watch my daughter but did not realize until it was too late that our phone service had been disconnected. The friend could not reach me. So to make it to the meeting in desperation I called my sister and asked if she could watch my daughter for 2 hours (knowing the meeting was scheduled to last til 9pm). Mind you, she has 4 children, 2 that are hyperactive who I used to watch all the time just because she was always out with friends and did not have time for them. It was hard because I had to deal with the bad attitudes and bullying of the younger two.
At first she started to make excuses which did not surprise me, and then she realized she had none, so she finally said yes. I told her I would be back as soon as the meeting was over, earlier if I could. I dropped her off at 7pm. At 8:05pm, while I was in the classroom talking with the teacher and other parents, I see my daughter's head peek through the door. I was shocked. My sister then came over and said she "forgot" she had somewhere to go so she had to bring her to me. My daughter was embarrassed because she knew she was not suppose to be there and she was the only child there. I later found out my sister lied about having to go somewhere. She just had to do something to mess up the one favor that I asked of her. I had thought about asking her if I could put her down as an emergency contact (I was always one for all her children), but I've changed my mind on that one. I don't understand how family can be so insensitive, especially the ones who you do much for? I cannot begin to tell you all the things I have done for her over the years and now that she finally got on her feet, she acts like this. Sometimes family can hurt you worse than anybody.
2 people like this
10 responses
@huilichan8 (1378)
• Singapore
24 Aug 11
Yes, it's true that sometimes family can hurt you more than other people. In your case, it's your sis. In my case, it's my father.
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@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
24 Aug 11
Obliviously you are not a sister to her but a babysitter. And since she doesn't even want to watch or teach her own children how to behave , of course she doesn't have time for you daughter. If I were you, I wouldn't care if she lived next door to me I wouldn't speak to her nor would I Ever ask for her to do Anything for me . And being the b!tch I am , after this stint I would get my name off her must call for her kids. But that's me. It is so sad that she is this selfish but she is. It is sad that I have to suggest yu write her off , but that's what I'm saying.
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@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
26 Aug 11
Oh I was definitely her babysitter, her car loaner and many other things. I had hoped we would remain close and that our children would be close but I guess it is not meant to be. I definitely will not ask her for anything else. I am undecided if I'll help her if she asks, but she will have a hard time finding me to ask anything.
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@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
26 Aug 11
Yeah, there's usually at least one bad apple in every family somewhere. It saddens me that we all were so close before I had my daughter. It was okay for me to be there for them but they see no need to support me. I have to just leave them where they are and keep on striving to raise my child no matter what.
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@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
26 Aug 11
I so understand what you mean!
In fact, I recently posted a discussion about how it is easier to open up to strangers. Sometimes strangers can even easily help you, as they don't have any other motives but to help. While family are the first one to talk you down if you do something they don't approve.
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
26 Aug 11
That is true about strangers helping. It is their motivation to help. They don't have hidden agendas or the old baggage of the relationship. Still, family should help each other and it should be mutual. in other cultures families work together as a unit and they have no qualms about helping each other. That's how they stay strong as a tribe or clan. Our families are too busy fighting amongst each other and being afraid they are not going to get what they feel is theirs.
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
26 Aug 11
I try not to dwell on the bad things, and yet I cannot hide the fact that I am truly disappointed in her, her mother and certain other family. These are people that I have helped more than I can ever say and thought we would always have each other's back. My family was always around me when I could give them money all the time and keep their kids whenever they wanted. If I had known they would turn their backs on me in my time of need, I could have saved all the money I was giving them and I could now pay for someone to watch my child or for anything else I need. I don't think it is too much to expect some level of mutual sharing amongst close family members. It does not matter to me that we are blood related, if they cannot accept my daughter then they are not accepting me and it's in our best interest to find relationship elsewhere.
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@brandyandbeans (25)
• United States
23 Aug 11
I agree, family can hurt you worse than others. I believe it is because the bonds of families are suppose to be tight. I would not list her as an emergency contact at all and I would ask no more of her as far as helping you out. You did your part for her in taking care of her children when she decided other things were more important... and she treats you like this? That is very disrespectful and I would just stay away from her totally.
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@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
26 Aug 11
I had stayed away for the last year and I never thought that would ever happen but I got very tired of seeing her mistreat my daughter. When she invited us to her son's birthday party I wanted to believe things were going to get better but something inside me said that nothing had changed and she was going to show her true colors. Even as I asked her to watch her, I just knew something was going to go wrong. You are right, I just need to not ask her for anything and stay away completely.
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@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Aug 11
hi lumenmom this is a sad case but so many here are. I am almost 85 and I have learned that this old saying is still true," YOu can
choose your friends but you are stuck with your relatives. My mom
was always my shining beacon because my father was insensitive, rude, tyrannical and verbally abusive. oddly a number of his cousins were just about the same as though this were a heredity trait.My moms people were as a whole thoughtful, considerate, and helpful.We had one clark cousin who spoke so sweetly that you did not realize she had dissed you until she left the room.She looked down on my mom as we lived in the country said with a sneer in her voice.so she c ame bearing a basket of the most goshawful worn out clothes she thought we could use. My mom rose to the occasion." No thanks Alley I have all the old rags I can use right now.think those belong in the dump." this got to alley and she stomped out, got in her car and drove off. he he he. Yes because we want our family at least to love u s and care, when they do not do so, it is just so very painful.worse than a friend letting you down.
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
26 Aug 11
Wow, that makes me think of some of the stories I have been told other people about their relatives. I am also concerned about my daughter and her father. He has problems with addiction, I am certain he's bi-polar and he's extremely rude, insensitive and verbally abusive. That's one reason why I had hoped my sister would be more supportive. I guess that won't be happening anytime soon.
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@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
23 Aug 11
Sorry to hear this as it is sad and true in my case as well,
Though my case is a bit different as I did not have a relationship with my family from the beginning, not being raised with them. I would probably suggest that anytime they ask you for a favor and or something that of course in good faith you can help them if you like, but be sure to at some point calmly explain on how disappointed you are with them never being there for you and or your kids.
Family is suppose to help one another but unfortunately it does not work out for all this way. As I too have always had to rely on strangers. ![](/Content/images/emotes/sad.gif)
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@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
26 Aug 11
I was raised by my maternal grandmother (my mother passed away when I was 2). I never knew my father until I was 21. When I met him he had a wife and small children. They were delighted to meet me and we became very close. We were close for years and I took my half sister and brother under my wing. They were with me all the time and people thought they were mine. I always spent money on them and helped my dad and his wife pay their bills. I was single and had a good job at the time. I was there when my sister had her 4 children. Everyone thought I would never have any, including the doctors. Well at 40 I had a child and new a responsibilities. It seems they never accepted her, especially my sister and her mother. They have never really treated my daughter as family and that has driven a wedge between us all. I don't know that it will ever be fully repaired, but I have to stop letting those disappointments keep me down. I have a beautiful little girl to raise and I need to place all my energy there.
@Kojigirl (188)
•
23 Aug 11
I'm not surprised you've been doing favors for her for years. In every family there seems to be one of these takers, and she's the one in yours. As long as it doesn't bother her little world, she's okay, but the minute someone asks a favor she has to get out of it. I don't understand them, either, but I've got an older brother the exact same way. I wouldn't ask him to cross the street for me.
She might be your sister, but that's no reason to put up with her bad behavior. You need to think of her as just another neighbor and don't let her get under your skin. Just because you're related to someone is no reason to owe them everything. If she someday comes around and turns out to be human, that's great. But I wouldn't hold my breath, if I were you.
Takers stay takers, and giving doesn't come naturally to them at all. And be wary of her children, too, as they will have learned from a master. Be glad in the family that you have in your own home, and don't let her poison you. Family can hurt you worse because they're the closest to you.
Be nice, but then you'd probably be nice to any neighbor. But don't let her get the upper hand if you can help it.
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