Let them be as they are!

I don't believe in the idea of changing anyone. I wouldn't like it if someone tried to change who I am...I think I should show the same respect to others. One either likes the other person's qualities or doesn't. Even if it is my husband or children, I do not believe in changing their basic nature...the main thing is to accept who they are. If any of their behaviour is affecting me...I will tell them so. If they respect my feelings, they will try to change or else I prefer to avoid them at the time. No one can be forced to change and in most cases the ego comes to work and even if the person wishes to change...being forced to do so will not be taken well.

hello dpk, Changing attitude/behavior is not an overnight process. You are right,no matter how we want that person to change,if the person itself doesn't want/like to cooperate or no intention to change his/her ways,then, we can never do anything about it. It's an individual choice and we cannot dominate anyone over their freewill. Even if that person is our partner, sometimes even kids- yes, not all kids listens to their parents aint? So,after giving all our best and effort and still they never want to change...let them be. After giving my best, I tell myself "go on and you will be burnt by your own fire" have a good day jaiho®

I agree 100%! I have seen all these women in film and t.v. say they want their husbands to change. In fact they say they will change them. And I have always said why? He isn't going to change! Maybe it is because I was born stubborn and I was raised to respect others that I just assume Everyone is as stubborn I! So I see this trying to change others as a waste of time . But with that said I know people Can change but they have to Want to. My dear friend stopped drinking . And I have changed from being a pessimist to a hopeful person. So people can change but They have to want it , it can't be forced on them. If it is , they will do it for a while but they won't keep it up.

When two people have to live together whole life it is not that easy to ignore everything and there is limit to how much one can bear. What you are saying is true, because the fact is that we are just wasting our time trying to change our partners or changing our own self, but the truth is that nothing changes.I agree with you deepak, but I don't think many people will be successful in doing this.Besides it is not only nature and attitude, but also some habits that irritate each other, so the arguemnets will continue

Hi Dpk! I understand that if we truly love a person, we should accept and love them the way they are, love them in their best and in their worst and that the initiative to make changes should come from themselves and not from anyone else. I know that it's annoying when someone keeps on dictating us to do this and that and pushing us to change something that's already natural to us... But, I also believe that we can give some suggestions to them, give our opinions on how we see them, on what they are doing and so... more than anyone else, it is us who must show concern on them especially when we feel that what they are doing are no longer good, sometimes we want them to change not for ourselves but for their own good too...but then again, we can't insists what we wanted coz it will just fire some arguments but if we are able to tell them what we are thinking in a way that they will not be offended I hope that it will open their eyes to have some changes on themselves for the better... It may not be easy but I believe in time, even if we don't expected, the changes that we wanted are already right in front of our eyes... which reminds me of what happened to my family...especially with my father.

I agree with you. I think it’s wrong to change and change someone anyway.. I mean sure ok if you’re just trying to show someone why you are right, and they are not.. to change and change their perspective if they do happen to be wrong, that’s one thing, but actually trying to change someone isn’t right.. I mean.. you took that person into our lives and our hearts for who they were when we met them, so it’s wrong to try and change things about them. There are certain things that we need to change, for example if a girl met a guy and he went out partying with his mates a lot when they met,.. but they were heading in the direction of settling down, getting married etc.. things like his partying would need to change.. but as far as his beliefs and his values and his morals and even his personality, even if that includes a temper etc.. we cannot change that, and shouldn’t try.. just as what makes us who we are, those things make them who they are :)

Hullo Deepak! Regarding the first part I agree that we should not try changing another person. If it is children we can guide them ; otherwise , with any other person who is an adult we ought not to do this because it is not possible and not fair if we ourselves are not subjected to another person’s bad attitude . If it hits us we have to protest in our own way. But for the last part [ of changing oneself] I have something else to say. Your “peace loving” attitude and the subsequent recommendation are very commendable and I am also like that. It is a realization that “ A leopard can never change his spots”. The leopard can jolly well be with his spots but if it is going to pounce and devour another person [self] that cannot be allowed. Getting into another person’s brain or tormenting another is what I am referring to. No one can change anyone’s attitude . Nor can one change. Why should one person change and lose one’s individuality to accommodate another ? Everyone has a right to live. If another person demands something just on account of his/her specific likes how can that be allowed? There is a limit to being philosophical and resilient and patient.

I agree with you wholly. There is no point in changing a person's attitude to suit us as the nature of a person is the mint where the coinage of human life is stamped. Every person has their own unique nature and favored those who knew rather than those who lived for others. That is where compatibility comes into existence between two people. No two person are the same and hoping to change a person are always met with rebuke. The only option for us to compromise with a person whose nature doesn't go down well with us is to apply the universal formula of 'GIVE AND TAKE'. Then there will always be peace in the home front.

Hi dpk Of course, one cannot change ayones basic attitude or temperament unless the other party decides. And yes many of us do not realize this and continue to try by giving suggestions, advices, even punishments(for young children). I think they are right in doing so. No, not because of any other reason, but because of the fact that many a times, a person doesnt realize until told or until he experiences the other darker shades that result due to his temperament or attitude. After all, it is the duty of well-wishers to see that we are on the right track and so if they tell us, they are merely showing us other perspectives. How we take on these, depends again on our attitude and temperament.

Totally agree with you. Still when seeing someone else not doing good things we had suggested I think I would be irked or itched to get to them... Is there anything you want to change about yourself at this stage? I guess at some point we get comfortable with ourselves that we do not change anything...

It is so true. Why should we change another person's behavior? Why is there a need to change it so that it would suit ours. I met my husband exactly the way he is today. I have loved him that way and as we live together as a married couple we learned more of each other's behavior both good and bad. But we have accepted this. If i want harmony, i would rather chose to change for the sake of the person that i love.

Correct my friend. Since it's so hard to change our partner, then adopt what is easier, us to conform to what they do. Like , when we watch TV, if it's his turn to hold the remote, i would just watch what he watches. I found out that they are nice too, since they make us laugh together.

Hello, there! I think,this has been one of my weaknesses. I can relate this to the relationships that I had and I have at the moment. I know to myself that you really can't change a person the way you want them to be but I can't seem to just accept the fact. I'm trying my best to just accept the whole being of a person because you're right, it seems like I am just punishing myself from that attitude. I just hope I can just change myself rather than hoping and try to change what the other is.

We always want to try to change someone especially those we love if it is for the better and if they are hurting others. But there will be times that it appears to be so hard to do. So there is nothing left to do but accept therm for who they are if we can't reject them, because we can;t. And just be sure that we remind them how they are if they can potentially hurt others.

this is something i want my children to be, to change their attitude. to change the way they treat us, their parents. i never stopped talking with them that what they are doing is not good, that they are being disrespectful with their parents. i know that time will come soon, they will realize that they are not the children we want them to be.

I do not think there is any reason why a person should change who and what they are for anyone. I can see if it is detromental to themselves then they need help but for the most part people need to be strong within themselves. Set up strict boundaries and have good self esteem. Children need to be left alone too. Beyond teaching a child the difference between right and wrong and some values kids need to have the right to be who they want to be.

When there is love between partners either of them will surely hear out the other and accede to their requests. Many a time one suffers in silence not knowing that if whatever that needs to be changed is spelt out there will be positive results as love conquers all. I feel one should make an attempt. I have seen so many complimenting those in whom they have seen change and when they give the total credit to their partners it is a win win situation all the way!

hi dpk, No one can change me if ever I change myself because that is the way I wanted not because of others choice. I can tell them that they are like this and like that but not to the point I will force them to change because I think that is good for them. People should change for their own willingness and good happy mylotting

Hello dpk2006! Long time no see! I think we all know inside that people don't change overnight and even fewer actually change at all. However it is hard to live with a grump crab. Especially if said person is family. We don't want to live with that so we try to change them despite what our deepest hearts say. Not sensible but true. However I don't know if is easier to change ourselves. We have a gift to see what is wrong with others but we wear blinders when it comes to ourselves. For example with me it took me years to knowledge that I have a hot temper problem. I have admitted the truth for a few years now and yet I still struggle to be a more peaceful person. If the right hot button issues comes along, I am gone! People are just to complex to draw a yes or now conclusion that is universal in relevance.

i have had a few people try to change me, and i really do not like it, as i am who i am, and also they usually want to change me to be like them, and in so doing make the false assumption that they are somehow perfect. there are some aspects of people's behaviour that it is in their interest to change, bad habits like drinking too much, or things that cause them serious problems, but they really have to want to change, before any change could work. we have to be careful that we don't try to change people into someone they are not, as if that is what we are doing we should, perhaps, go and find someone else who is more like the person we want, than the one we have. in the bible jesus says first take the plank of wood from your eye, before removing the speck of dust from someone else's. and that we be a good thing for us all to remember before trying to change people.