Unfair on the children?
By GreenMoo
@GreenMoo (11834)
August 24, 2011 11:19am CST
I've just been chatting on another internet forum with a lady who thinks that the way I choose to live is unfair on my children.
How she thinks that she's qualified to say what's best for my children I've no idea, but her argument centres around the fact that we live a simple life in the countryside with pretty limited facilities.
We don't have a TV, or the latest gadgets, but my kids have the privilege of playing outside in the fresh air in a secure environment. We only have one beat up vehicle, and we don't have cupboards full of snacks, but my kids are fit and healthy. I do our laundry by hand and we produce most of our food at home, but my kids are fed, they're clothed and they're warm. Many kids in the world aren't so lucky.
So how is my lifestyle unfair on the kids? Do you agree? Or like me, do you think she should go away and boil her head till she gets some sense into it?
12 people like this
36 responses
@inertia4 (27960)
• United States
27 Aug 11
You do the best you can and thats all you can do with the resources that you have. Other people might have plenty of money and plenty of access to obtain things. They always think different. I remember a time when I was able to get my kids whatever they wanted, now that I fell on hard times, I do the best I can for them. Like you said, they are healthy and happy and fed.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
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26 Aug 11
You should immediately move into a two bedroomed inner city high rise flat where the social can provide you with every little consumer item that you currently fo without, much to the detriment of your children. How dare you deny them the opportunity to get "streetwise" by not allowing them access to constant TV and Xbox joy. Children perform best with a diet intense in E numbers, high fat and low fibre. They need to learn that your love for them will extend only as far as your continued entitlement to child benefits. If you can't hold your head high with other mums and say "one in juvenile detention and the other in the Scrubs" then whar sort of mother are you? Must be time for you to spend a few days in Benidorm. The kids will be alright at home alone........
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@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
25 Aug 11
Whatever.. don't let people like that bother you. She's rude and mean and a total B*tch! Nobody can judge you unless they really know you.. and reading your posts from time to time isn't truly good enough to truly know you. Everyone lives differently, and I think that as long as your kids are happy, healthy, and loved, that's all that truly matters. Beyond that you can't always control your circumstances. You're doing your best financially, doing what you can to ensure you have the finances to get by.. what more can you do? Nevermind what anyone else thinks!
2 people like this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
26 Aug 11
I think she is hung up the idea of where you are in the world. Although you live simply, you are still in the western world. And children brought up in this western world should have all the priviledges.
But the fact is, there are places out there where people live just like you do. But they do it, not because of their choice, but because that is just the way people are brought up in their neck of the woods.
A boiled head doesn't sound so pleasing.![](/Content/images/emotes/confused.gif)
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@GreenMoo (11834)
•
27 Aug 11
A boiled head doesn't sound so pleasing.
That's HER problem!
I know what you're saying. In my opinion, my kids get more priviledges than they know what to do with. I've been cleaning the eldest's bedroom today, and even I've been shocked by the amount of toys stashed away in there (and not taken care of).
2 people like this
@DoctorDidi (7018)
• India
27 Aug 11
I do not think so and I must say that you are an example of an ideal parent.
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
24 Aug 11
Hello Greenmoo. She sounds like my grandkids when they don't get their way. To my way of thinking we owe our kids four things and the first of those is love. and as parents we need to make sure they feel it. Next is good healthy food and after that shelter. Your kids will have more advantages then any kid that has all the latest gadgets. So many kids think that their parents owe them the latest cell phone. laptop computer, Ipads and kindle. I have two granddaughters that can't live with out their cell phones and badger their mom when the the time is running out. They are selfish and blame everyone else for their problems which really aren't many. They are in track and their mom has paid a couple hundred dollars for them to get in shape for this year. they refuse to do the exercises here at home. They are very spoiled
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@GreenMoo (11834)
•
25 Aug 11
I agree Deebomb, which is why I said ALL their spare time. Although we don't have a TV, the kids can watch DVDs or some stuff on the internet. Being selective about TV watching is a good thing, then you don't end up with them watching all that rubbish just because it's there.
@GreenMoo (11834)
•
24 Aug 11
Thanks Deebomb. I appreciate the support. I´m doing the best I know for my kids, and I honestly think that living a life in the outdoors and learning how to be independent will do more for them in the long term than watching telly all their spare time.
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@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
25 Aug 11
If one thinks that a child is deprived if they don't have playstation , their own t.v., cell phone and credit card then your simple unplugged life would seem like child abuse! How dare you let your child run around and play outside! They are suppose to be inside online!
This person has no clue how you live, how happy your kids are and she Never will!So ignore her and pitty her kids. They will be the ones who are Truly deprived!
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@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
25 Aug 11
You are welcome. There are so many different ways to live . And just because yours is different from her's does not mean yours is wrong. And if she is That judgmental , her kids may be that way and they will have it hard . If you don't have an open mind And you have a big mouth, you are going to get into trouble.
@GreenMoo (11834)
•
25 Aug 11
"pity her kids" I hadn't thought of that aspect of it.
This woman actually knows very little about my life or my kids, and is making stupid sweeping judgements based on a couple of bits of information. She made me so angry yesterday, but today I can feel quite sorry for her (and now her kids too!) in that she obviously doesn't appreciate the important things in life at all.
Thanks for posting that!
2 people like this
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@Galena (9110)
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25 Aug 11
well we can all do without those.
children never grow up to fondly reminisce about being given a computer game, or getting the highest score.
but time with the family, or being outside, playing, making camps and dens, those are the things they grow up to remember fondly.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
25 Aug 11
Hi GreenMoo,
Actually, I think that lady should just mind her own business. On the other hand, she's entitled to her opinion and odds are that you aren't going to change it. My kids had very little TV and gadgets growing up and I don't think it hurt them a bit. In fact, I think it helped develop their creativity. I didn't have money for things like that or lots of snacks. They were dressed decent but I didn't have money to go out and buy the latest trends. When they did get something like that they truly appreciated it. We didn't live in the country but I would have loved to. I remember growing up and spending time at my cousins who had a farm in the country and we always had so much fun there. They also produced most of their own food which was the best ever! Now my cousins who lived much like you describe here all grew up just fine and are all doing very well in their lives. My girls are all grown and well adjusted as well. I'd ignore this lady. I don't really understand what she feels your kids are losing out on.
2 people like this
@JJ4Ever (4693)
• United States
9 Sep 11
I think your lifestyle is your choice, and no one should look down on you for that. Having said that, though, I absolutely do not think the way you choose to raise your children is unfair to them at all! Looking back at my childhood, some of the most fun and happiest times was when I played outside with my five other siblings. We would pretend and run around with the neighbor kids. Back then, we didn't have to worry about things like keeping the house locked at all times, keeping an eye on the kids so no one would come kidnap them, and things like that. Those were some pretty fond memories of mine that I look back on. Nowadays with all the technology and electronics galore, "family" time is when everyone sits around and watches a movie or when everyone goes out to eat and everyone is playing on their electronic devices while they wait for their food. I feel like I knew my family more back years ago than I know them now. Don't get me wrong, technology is great for things like myLot, Facebook, email, and things that help us keep in touch with one another, but there's nothing better than face-to-face and spending time with those you love in person. Your children are also learning how fulfilling it is to work. Since your food is grown at home, they know firsthand that if they don't work, they don't eat. I think if every child learned this important principle from a young age, our world wouldn't be in the situation it's in. We need more parents like you who are willing to be different in order to provide a wonderful life for their children. If people are skeptical of you, then that proves where their priorities are. My husband and I haven't been blessed with children yet, but I want to thank you for being such a wonderful example to us. I've learned so much about raising children already that I'm very much looking forward to starting a family and giving my children the best life they can have. Have a wonderful day!
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@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
24 Aug 11
ROTFLMAO! I am sorry, I probably shouldn't be laughing, but that sounds absolutely preposterous. What does this lady think happened way back in the "old days" ... you know, like forty or fifty years ago when there weren't computers in every house and you were lucky if you even had a television set. How about twenty years before that when many families did not even have cars, and there was no "supermarket", although there were general stores.
The way that you are raising your children might not be for everyone, but that does not make it wrong. In fact, many children have too much excess and do not appreciate any of it. At least your children will know how to provide for themselves and their families ... I mean from the ground up not just going to a store and buying everything prepackaged. I think that is a very valuable lesson, and one that they can use for the rest of their lives.![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
26 Aug 11
That is a little unusual, because normally older people remember better than anyone what it was like to live with less. They do not usually think that it was bad, but rather they tend to remember it fondly. Many times they believe that children today have too much excess. Of course, not everybody thinks the same way, and maybe this lady had a really bad childhood ... or perhaps she just likes to spoil her children and grandchildren. Either way, she really does not have a right to judge you, especially when you are doing what you believe is best for your children, and they are growing up with a wonderful foundation on which they can build a beautiful future.
@changjiangzhibin89 (16686)
• China
25 Aug 11
There are two sides in both country life and city life.however I prefer the country life at the time when many cities are full of environmental pollution, mental pollution and factor leading to social instability.Even though you can't be named on the same day with city dwellers in modern appliances,but Your kids lead idyllic life ,take pollution-free food and cultivate good habits,what is more,they have a deep understanding of how hard the life is from children,which sows the seeds of virtue in your kids.
1 person likes this
@changjiangzhibin89 (16686)
• China
26 Aug 11
For that,Different people,different views,but childhood is the key to child's character.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
25 Aug 11
Sometimes people say some pretty senseless things. A question you should ask her is how did her grandmother raise her mother? Many people for years have raised their children this way and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. The fact that there are so many individuals who have lifed a hundred years show this. Individuals who were raised this way turn out to be healthier and happier individuals. In fact I personally really do take my hat off to you in this regard. That you raise your children in such a wonderful way. I too would love to raise my children in such a way but I'm sure my husband would have a fit :). He says I try and have us live like little house on the prairie. Because I got rid of our big tv. And you know what I'm would be perfectly content to live like that. Families like this have a bond beyond compare. Don't let anyone make you feel inferior because of the way you and your family live your life. Right now you will be happy with the way you have chosen to raise your children and down the line you will be as well. Children need to play outside instead of playing on video games all day (which is probably what her children do), they need to actually socialize with their family, with people, instead of movies,phones,video games, or the latest gadgets. I honestly wish there were more people like you. You are truly a wonderful person who is doing great things for your family. Your children will always be close to you and remember how they played outside, how they spent time with the family playing games. And all the wonderful things that a family most diffinitely can and need to do without all the other STUFF that is out there that really doesn't benefit us, it just distracts us.
1 person likes this
@GreenMoo (11834)
•
25 Aug 11
Tell your husband that Little House on the Prairie is well loved and enduring, world wide, so it's something to aspire to. I'm sure he'll be really impressed!!
Thanks for your kind words. Whilst I don't think there's anything wrong with video games, phones and gadegets in a child's life, it's all a question of how much. We all have too much stuff about, and it detracts from what's important.
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1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
25 Aug 11
Lol, I agree Little House on the Prairie is great. Yeah not all video games are bad, but a lot of them are and I agree there needs to be a balance. I don't want my children growing up trying to play video games that I personally feel adults shouldn't even be playing let alone my children or spending all of their time on these things.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
9 Sep 11
Hi, GreenMoo. I don't think that you are being unfair to your children at all. You are a great and responsible mother. Sadly, there are mothers that don't do anything for their kids at all. You are doing what you are supposed to be doing. If this isn't feasible to this other woman, then the heck with her! You are taking great care of your children. If she has a problem with your lifestyle then she should dish out some money to you, so that you can have the best things in life, that may make her happy! Not!!! You should, instead, take this money and buy what YOU like and not what SHE wants! Some people have this dumb way of thinking that how they are living their lives, then you should be doing the same too. What may be fine for her isn't always fine for you or someone else. We all raise our children differently. We all have a different approach to life than others may have. If your choice of living is not agreeable with her, then she should help you out or just shut up. If I see someone else in the need, I will politely ask them if I could help them out. I will not make you feel like what you are doing is not good enough. I will mainly do my best to make you feel like you are an awesome mom because I desire to be a blessing for you. If she can't talk to you with respect, then she should just go away and boil her head until she gets come sense into it.![](/Content/images/emotes/glare.gif)
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1 person likes this
@GreenMoo (11834)
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12 Sep 11
Hey Cream! Thanks for your lovely thoughts :-) I'm feeling a little calmer about this particular lady now, and have realised that it's her problem how she sees the world, not mine. In fact, I feel rather sorry for her that material possessions seem to be so important to her.
1 person likes this
@marimarj23 (124)
• Philippines
25 Aug 11
They are your children and I think it is your choice how you will raised them up. I think there is nothing wrong in growing up in a countryside. I grow up there and I have a wonderful childhood memories back then. I was able to enjoy playing and breathing the fresh air. Mingling with other children. If I have a choice I wanted to raised my son in that kind of life. But my work is in the city and I don't want to live far my son so I raised my son like some other city children. Stay most in the house, play computer games, watch TV. And we have little time running outside in the open field. But it is my choice also since I wanted to be there emotionally for my son. I wanted to see him grow up every single day.
And as long as you have plenty of books and you let them have an education and a healthy life style and they are happy then let it be, don't mind the feedback from other people.
1 person likes this
@erez98 (166)
• Israel
24 Aug 11
she just said her opinion. it's her right to do that. you don't have to agree with her. forums are populated with people with so many opinions. take it easy..
i don't agree with her at all!
i think that from what you describe you are doing a big favour for your children and you will see that in future, when they will appreciate so many things that other children won't...
the children of today are connected to the tv and pc and their friends are mostly virtual.
1 person likes this
@GreenMoo (11834)
•
24 Aug 11
I tend to feel that people should keep their opinions to themselves until they know the larger picture! Taking a couple of facts about someone's life then making sweeping judgements based on just those are always going to be a little unfair.
Thanks for the support Erez. I think my kids more than make up for their lack of gadgetry in other, more important, ways.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
25 Aug 11
A person should not make such judgements like this about a person's life when they have no idea what they are talking about. I think in all honesty she shouldn't even have typed that. It's a whole different story between giving your opinion, and berating or putting another person down. That isn't the object of forums. Give your opinion, fine but don't put others down. So GreenMoo don't let that get you down. Some times people just don't think. Unfortunately that causes hurt and pain to others which isn't necessary when you keep your mouth closed about people, and situations you don't know or understand.
@pbbbsra (1214)
• Philippines
24 Aug 11
I think you are doing a good job as a mom. As you said, as long as your kids get their primary needs then I don't see any problems. TV is not a requirement to raise kids well. I don't even think that it is good to make them used to watching TV at a young age. They should be fed with healthy foods and make them used to that. Washing the clothes by hand will not harm our children, otherwise it will teach them how life is not easy with out technology. Don't feel bad to what a stranger say. Don't give her a reason to question you being a mom. You know your kids more than anybody... "Mouthed people talk." Just don't mind them.
1 person likes this
@jokerzhunter (129)
• United States
24 Aug 11
You seem to be doing a great job raising your kids actually. They're healthy, and you seem to care for them a lot. Don't pay attention to that woman. just keep doing what your doing now and be proud of being such a good mother.
@jokerzhunter (129)
• United States
27 Aug 11
Yes I see what you mean, but still, don't let it get to you, you do know that your doing as much as you can to bring happiness to your kids. As you can see, everyone has different views of how individuals lives should be, some may disagree with your methods and others may want to do things just like you do. So don't let one person's opinion affect you, in the end, the only one who knows if your doing the right thing, is yourself, pardon me for commenting a bit late, I hadn't had the chance to look at the recent posts I've made.
@bagarad (14283)
• Paso Robles, California
25 Aug 11
I think you are giving your children a valuable gift -- a bonded family that isn't dependent on outside media for all their entertainment. I'm guessing your kids also help produce your food and are learning other valuable skills they will be grateful for later. We never had a television throughout our 47 year marriage (so far) and only miss it during election season. Everyone said if we had kids we'd have to get one, but we didn't. Instead, we read books aloud together as a family after dinner and that gave us a lot of inside jokes we shared and some common knowledge. Back in those days when my husband still had jobs in aerospace, we could not go live in the country, but we wanted to move to a more rural area. I think you've chosen a great life style for your kids. You have not deprived your children of anything important, and you've given them the kind of environment many kids would choose if they hadn't been brainwashed by the media and their peers to think they needed to be in contant electronic contact with someone.
1 person likes this
@GreenMoo (11834)
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25 Aug 11
Thankyou Bagarad.
You're right, my kids are developing many skills which will help them to look after themselves in the future. I love it when my youngest comes running to me with a handful of some edible wild plant (correctly identified), telling me it's for dinner. And in an emergency my eldest (not yet a teen) can care for our goats alone, including milking and making cheese.
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