suicide ideation
By Ghajini
@Ghajini (776)
Philippines
August 25, 2011 12:11pm CST
So yesterday, one of the weirdest thing happened to me. Lately, I have been suffering from depression, loneliness, stress, etc. perhaps an anxiety disorder, then yesterday during one of my classes in school... I suddenly lost focus and my brain began creating this STUPID suicide ideas... so I asked my professor's permission to leave the class and go to the university hospital. Then... upon seeing my doctor, I started sharing what's going on in my mind and I somehow cried lol... but my doctor wasn't that surprised since it was the third time that I consulted him regarding these problems. Then he asked me if it's fine with me to get injected with a mild sedative or anxiolytic (dipenhydramine). Then..... I lay down on the hospital bed as I got drowsy then eventually fall asleep. Then, upon waking up I kinda feel better and had a clearer mind and told him what happened.
I think, I had a nervous breakdown and it's not surprising since I was already diagnosed weeks earlier with mild-depression.
We all have problems and I know that... it's just really lame that all of the emotional, personal, etc. problems piled up and the suicide ideation was triggered by the fact that me and my project partner got scolded by our math instructor and worst wasn't able to present our project for our other class since he wasn't able to finish our final paper.
It really sucks honestly since I did my part... emailed my contribution to the paper and even notified him via text and email the night before... he didn't even replied then SURPRISINGLY the following day on our first class... he would tell "bro, I fall asleep last night and wasn't able to finish our paper"... hence, I was trapped in a situation where in I needed to walk-out or cut from our current subject which angered our instructor, which is understandable because what we did was really rude, however I had no choice since we only got like 40 min left to finalize the paper for our next subject... THEN THE WORST PART we were not able to finish paper, thus we were not able to present our project... A project that took us 1 month of preparation and hard work...
It's quite obvious that it was my partner's fault, however I can't blame him completely since I know I have my mistakes as well and most of all blaming each other and quarreling will never change anything... I should not have relied on him like what my other instructor said, in any group project etc... you should always have a back-up plan since unexpected situations such as this might happen.
Lastly, on the brighter side... everything is fine now since me and my partner have already apologized to our Math instructor and my other professor accepted our very late paper though he said he would give us a very low grade which is still better than getting nothing at all.
=( Sorry for sharing a very weird and confusing story, anyways back to my main question have you ever experienced having suicide ideas?
P.S my doctor's diagnosis on my medical certificate is suicide ideation problem second degree to generalized anxiety problem second degree to stress.
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