I want my son to leave my house!

I'm not a mother, but I can feel you and I can totally understand what you feel. I see it in my Aunts and I guess in my Mom too. But I just heard a sad thing in the news just tonight that a son killed her own mother because her mother wants him out of their house because her son keeps on stealing their things! :( How could he kill his own mother who give life to him?

It must be a horrible feeling, as a parent, to feel as you do. But you're not wrong! He has to grow up and be responsible at some point! Otherwise it's entirely possible that another five years could go by and nothing will change, and that's scary. As someone suggested above, you should first cut off funding. Sure, continue to house him. But don't let him have money for anything extra, and certainly nothing you wouldn't normally buy. Set limits on the food and drinks he uses - for instance, if you buy a bag of chips intended for yourself but he eats them all, tell him he owes you for the chips. Make him accountable for the expenses you're incurring by having him living with you. Don't go out of your way for him either (of course, I don't know if you are at this point or not). Yes, tell him about job opportunities. But make him accountable for his laundry, preparing his own meals, etc. If you cut off his funds and force him to take responsibility for his own needs, however small they are at this point, it might force him to grow up and realize he can't depend on you for everything forever. I wish you the very best of luck, and please know that you are NOT awful for feeling as you do in this situation!

I feel your pain entirely! Only thing is, my son is 15 going on 35, or 40 should I say since he thinks he knows more than me and is in charge of something. He told me that he would not listen to me nor do anything unless he wanted to. He told me he doesnt like me and would really do whatever he wanted. He would not adhere to any punishments that I set. He was rude to everyone in the house. He is now living with a friend but I am worried that they are gonna try something funny since he likes to lie about us and make it seem like everyone is so bad around here. I am a wreck actually but I believe time will make things better. Just be strong and firm I would make him leave for the sake of your own sanity.

First of all if you feel like this you shouldn't be apologise. I feel like you are trying to give him opportunities, you try to get him a job, you haven't kicked him out. Even the fact that he orders music with your debit card, without asking I find that really great of you that you stay so calm about this. He has the best life for the moment he doesn't have to do anything and everything is handed to him on a silver platter. Ok for the moment I also love back in with my parents, but first of all that only temporary, within now 3 months (i'm back with my parents for about 5 months now, so that will make 8 months in total), i'm moving back out in a place of my own. But in the time that I'm back with them, I try to do as much as possible. I help in cleaning the house, when I come home first I start preparing dinner, I sometime do the groseries on my expenses, for the moment i'm combining 3 jobs, so that I can put some money aside. It's normal for parents to try and help their children when they need help, but they shouldn't be taking this for granted. So I think you should have a big talk with your son and explain to him that it can't go on in this way.

I understand how you are angry, with good reasons. He is young, and I hope he will realize later that stealing money to his parents was not an option. I can't give an advice, but I think your idea of finding a room for him is not bad : he well get some independence, and will need to win soon his financial independence.

I'm sorry with what you are dealing with. i think he got very dependent on you and since he knows that you are there, he don't want to help himself. I think the solution will not be getting him out of the house. I think it is better if he is still with you so you still know what he is up to, until the time you see that he is independent enough to live on his own then I guess that is the time to let him go. Why not talk to your son, tell him that he is already 21 and should be starting to save for his own. Tell him he does not always have a mom who will always provide him with what he needs. You can make him work for it, I mean don't give him much allowance and let him know the worth of money.

Wow!! This would be quite annoying and hard to live with for sure. Isn't there someone else out there that could take him, or help you out like a Father figure or someone who could help train him and show him the importance of life? Too bad he is almost too old for something like Job Corps as that is a program that sometimes helps out kids to learn about life for sure.

Hi Linda, I think it is time to do the tough love on your son. I do understand why you are torn because I was that way with my daughter when she was 17 almost 18. She pulled so much stuff, dropped out of school, wouldn't hold a job, the list is endless. What you have to do is give your son 2 weeks to get a job or find another place to stay. Then comes the hard part...sticking to that. Let him go. He'll cry that he has no place to stay and you will feel bad but go with it. He'll find a friend and he'll soon find that the friend won't put up with it for long and he'll find another friend. Eventually, he'll get it...He has to fend for himself. Don't pay for a place for him and don't give him money. DO let him come to your house to eat and maybe even let him spend a nigh but as soon as he leaves, turn his room into a "guest" room. It well send the message to him that you are serious. good luck, Linda. I know it's hard but some kids just have to learn the hard way.

Ah, with all the comforts of home, why would anyone leave??? Perhaps, it's time to be cruel to be kind. Your house, your rules. Lock all the food away. Feed him dried beans and rice. One can feed without all those tasty items. What is the old saying?? The way to a man is through his stomach. Tell him people with jobs can afford to buy those tasty items. Now I'm sure he is using electricity for tv, internet and such. Explain to him those things don't come free. No more tv, internet and such. Starting to get ideas of your own???? Adversity breeds invention. When one has a problem or need, one must do SOMETHING!!! I know it's hard but sometimes if we really love someone we must give them what they need rather than what they want. Good luck!!

Isn't true that would have been better if military stage would have been compulsory for all citizens?

Hi Linda! My parents felt the same way with our youngest brother. I got two siblings. My older brither andI were able to find a job right after graduation. Our youngest is a nurse. He's got so many opportunities but he boldy expressed to us his ambition of working abroad where he could earn more money. Our parents supported him in so many way. From emotional to financial issues they supported him through and through. He was scammed for twice already and hear nothing from our parents. A month ago, there he went and told our parents he is applying again for UK. He was aking more a big amount of money for the "show money". They refused to give what he wants this time. Maybe they got pissed off. They finally asked my brother to leave the house and live his life on his own. Now, he's wandering around in another place to find his fate on his own. We are hoping that he would learn and value the efforts of our parents in due time. Just keep praying for your son!

I think he is about my age and he is thinking to live with your money in his whole life., but why he is not responsible to his mother,in our country after a certain age parents will be care by their son, but,you did'nt tell what is his qualification.if he has good qualification you have to force him to join any jobs,and care you..,don't be angry to him everyone try to talk him soft and love him and you have to show it to him.., i wish he will change his mind and go to work and care you......!

This is actually a good decision, it will give lots of responsibility to your son and he will start t take care of himself without depending on parents. He may be spoonfeeded till now which you think should be changed. Sit with him and talk about it. Tell about what he want in future. He will surely understand.

Hi, I'm not a mother yet but I could relate my own story to it. I have a brother in the same age as your son and they are exactly the same. He doesn't have the drive and it pisses us all off. Just like your son, he was given opportunities to work, even gave him money for applying a job but he came back home with nothing. Later did we know that he spent his money going out with friends! I was really angry. But then, forgive me for not having any advise for you yet I wanted to see also what other MyLotters would say about this so I could learn as well. :)

I don't think you should let him walk all over you. I know that as a parent your first instinct wouldn't be to push this child away but I can understand how sometimes this can seem like the only way to teach them the lessons that need to be learned about life. I think everyone needs to take responsibility for their own actions and making their own dreams a reality. If you can't do this with him in your life then i guess it's time to look for another way to handle the situation like letting the room.

It's unfortunate that you didn't raise him on a path that led to college. However, since he didn't go off to college, you are left with now finding a way to get him onto a path that leads him into a career that he loves... and out of your house (and hair). Otherwise, you are likely to still be saying the same thing in another 10 years. AmeriCorps, the military, or college (a four-year, accredited school with on-campus housing) are all options that would get him out of the house and off on his own. However, the first two options would pay him... and provide money should he decide to go to college.

You should just kick him out and make him learn his lesson. He will not learn if you keep him in your house.

I think you should find him an apartment and you paid the rent of the apartment in advance for the next six month and you tell him never to go back to your place and after six month is up to him weather he go to work to pay for the apartment or he live on the street. However, be careful because nature used to give a little twist in our life. You should be ready if in the future when he had enough money he don't want to know you ever again.

i could understand your worry about your son.i found many of my friends like your son in my personal experience.in this situation you should not get angry with your son.explain him clearly and patiently the required things.you know "love" is the biggest weapon in this world that can do anything.so be patient ,all have done for good reasons.

leave him..let him enjoy his life..he is just 21 no prob..he will understand everything in the later days..leave him in his own way..show him the pathof getting jobs..he is having al rights to enjoy ur wealth na.be friendly to him.so that he might understand u.dnt scold him.if u scold him he wil really hate u..show him the need of money.