What do you do to keep relations healthy with your parents in a joint family???
By Sanjeev
@sjvg1976 (41281)
Delhi, India
August 27, 2011 10:40pm CST
Hello MYLOTTERS,
This is my observation.
In INDIA we have joint families more often we people prefer to live with our parents even after marriage also.But really its tough to maintain good relations with our parents(specially mother) when you are married and living with them.
I have seen many houses having quarrels daily for small issues which keep on making relations bitter
.I have been living in a joint family after marriage and it took time for my wife to adjust as per the rules of my home set by my parents though it was tough but now it seams to be fruitful as of now she is enjoying to be a part of BIG family and living happily in a joint family.
What do you say what people should do to improve their relation??? Should they always try to improve or they should live separately leaving their parents alone.Though many of them leave their parents alone 
and live separately which i consider wrong but my opinion.
I have seen many houses having quarrels daily for small issues which keep on making relations bitter.I have been living in a joint family after marriage and it took time for my wife to adjust as per the rules of my home set by my parents though it was tough but now it seams to be fruitful as of now she is enjoying to be a part of BIG family and living happily in a joint family.
What do you say what people should do to improve their relation??? Should they always try to improve or they should live separately leaving their parents alone.Though many of them leave their parents alone and live separately which i consider wrong but my opinion.2 people like this
5 responses
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
28 Aug 11
Honestly, I think married people should make their own homes and families and not live with the parents. The parents oftentimes try to push their will upon the married people and interfere with the marriage. Marriage is a circle of two people, not 3 or 4. If you are old enough to get married you are old enough to move out and set up housekeeping for yourself and be adults, and not live like children in their parents home. Parents still look at their adult children as their children and they have no say once they are an adult.
2 people like this
@sjvg1976 (41281)
• Delhi, India
28 Aug 11
Hello PQ,
This is true that a married couple should walk away to new house to avoid implications of rules which you may not like after marriage.
But what to do if you are the only child and if your father/mother has to be looked after by someone as they are old.And whats the harm in living with them if you still find OK living with them following their rules.
This is true that a married couple should walk away to new house to avoid implications of rules which you may not like after marriage.
But what to do if you are the only child and if your father/mother has to be looked after by someone as they are old.And whats the harm in living with them if you still find OK living with them following their rules.1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
28 Aug 11
The thing is you should be making your own rules as married adults and not treated like children. It can work when the parents can learn to back off and give the married couple their space... but most parents want to rule the roost. I can see looking after elderly parents.. I looked after mine, but I was not married. I worked outside of the home and helped them financially because they couldn't take care of the mortgage and all the bills and feed themselves once they got elderly.
@Jenith (1381)
• Philippines
29 Aug 11
@sjvg: I understand that it's so hard for you to leave your parents but your spouse may find it harder dealing with your parents. Though, there are exemptions for this 'cause most in-laws nowadays know already their limits but there are still really hard to be with in-laws.
It happened to me. First they were okay then later on things changed. They still want to treat their 34-year-old son as a little baby. Every time we do have conflicts as couple they are one-sided. They want me to just follow everything they said even if it's against my will. I can't impose to our son the discipline that I wanted to because they spoiled him.
I know I need to adjust and have more patience but what they are doing is ridiculous and I'm not that dumb.
@kripa_db (578)
• India
28 Aug 11
I think this will be up to an individual. I don't know if i will be able to adjust in a joint family. I come from a nuclear family and since i have been brought up like that it would be difficult to adjust in a joint family. Not only will there be adjusting with in laws but there will be adjusting with sister in laws too and i don't think i will be able to handle it.I would prefer a nuclear family with occasional going to parents house.
1 person likes this
@pbbbsra (1214)
• Philippines
28 Aug 11
We also living together with my inlaws. To be honest with you, it is not easy for a wife to live together with in laws. SOmetimes I want to break free and live our life with our own rules. We cannot make decisions of our own... but then at the end of the day, I think that when we leave, my inlaws will be left alone and they are not young anymore. I love my inlaws and I think that what I am feeling is just normal. I cannot leave them anymore even if my husband ask me to leave and have our new house. Sometimes I want to leave, but I can't because no one will be left to look after them.
@sangeethajain (41)
• India
29 Aug 11
I would say this is the best culture among all of INDIA.Joint families can be found only in India and nowhere else and i am proud of it.Being in a joint family is a great feeling.I agree we often hav to overcome difference of opinion but this is very common but at the end if u see we are more happier than those who are living independently.
@ur4mae (217)
• Philippines
28 Aug 11
I think one of the reasons that it would be hard to maintain a harmonious relationship in a joint family is the struggle of who should be the head. And since it is the parents' house, the new couple would have no other way but to bend to their rules which can cause hurt and resentment. It is ideal that a man should make a separate home with his wife. You can always spare a day each week or month to bond with your extended family but for a couple to be able to grow in their relationship and in their family life, it is better that they set out on their own.
