Why do bad events from childhood to repeat again and again?

The question of "why" implies already that it were so. I do not agree. I know enough people to repeat themselves which is not bad events from childhood. As a direct answer: If one firmly believes that it meets and probably subconsciously yourself wondering then. Anyone can change. But: Where one-will, there's a way.

It's called a "repetition compulsion". The reason for such repetitive events, the child's trauma is mixed with the love of the Father. Children love their parents, but certainly not always the way they are. A thrashing Santander father is someone who wants to change the child. But this is not because children are exposed to the brutal helpless adults. You must be careful that they do not relate themselves beaten, if they were "brazenly" allow only one sentence. But the trauma eat into the soul of the child. If the adult person then looks for a partner, they instinctively keep looking for someone who the father is similar in its action. The "father" should be changed now, at least yet. This works well in boys (men), whose mother was very cold and unloving. The man marries a woman who is as cold-hearted. In such relationships the partner plays the parent, the child is as happy to have decided otherwise. If the trauma can not be resolved, meaning each new relationship and new back pain.

Because they did not understand the madness and saw this wound festers in her and it hurts. To cure this, it needs not only to remembering even the loving attentive Accept. As in life we ??tend to repress suffered unbearable pain and to forget to date remain viable, the emotional content of disappearing acts in the burden underground into the unconscious and thus acts diffusely in the background. This is often perceived as perfidious and if you look at the self-reproach, the very confusing and feels sorry for bringing. So we are urgently looking for a relief valve. Ideally, parents would have to assume their dominant position in the little creature. But if the parents had to learn that they are not accepted, then they give it, at least unconsciously, to their children. They must also learn to follow in order to understand their parents. As the compulsive behavior is presented superficially rational, while the feelings rigorously suppressed and thus, from the perspective of the victim, totally illogical acts, a gaping wound in His created between thinking and feeling. To cure this, and to change work for thousands of years humans and repeatedly fail at the habit and the addiction of unconscious retaliation. So clear answer to your last question: Yes, they can change if we support them, just as we need support when it comes to tackle a problem.

Victims are often perpetrators. They have not mastered the previous situation. And above all, as stored in their brain that the offender has "won". If they bring others into the situation in which they were themselves at some point, they can be pretty sure that they themselves are the victims again. (Attack is the best defense) I had always thought that learning the "old" victim of her experiences so far that they would make it even better because they know best how stupid is this role. I had long thought that the social component would be written much larger total. But it is not often. If you learn patterns of behavior, you behave like this indeed - if one has for his life (? Exaggerated) feared, will be "on the other side." But it may be that we remain a long-term victims. This is often the case when one has been confirmed in this role, for example. (If you get such attention by the otherwise often lacking?) Or you have something "positive" is reached? (E.g., the will get as a child.) These repeats found in women as in men rather than equally. ... But I do not at all as black paint. determined to come out with the help of this predicament.