How Do You Comfort A Really Sad Friend?
By ronadelle
@ronadelle (1547)
Philippines
August 29, 2011 7:33am CST
I have this old friend whom I constantly communicate with since separating from high school. We were bestfriends then and still are although we don't see each other for a long time. Actually, it was only the other night that I got to see her, and came over to sleep in my house after 9 long years. I was too happy seeing her and blessed for being able to use by God to comfort her.
She is having a hard time dealing with her husband and keeping her family together. She's a working mom, with a 3 year old daughter and married for 3 years now. According to her, her husband doesn't love her at all nor care for her and had taken away her daughter as soon as she turned a year old. She was telling her story and I listened with compassion at all times. I learned that her husband is treating her so badly, abusing her emotionally and physically. I feel so sad for her, for she was crying and all because aside from the love that she still have for her husband, she is away from her daughter who is now at the province, with her husband's family. The right of a mom was stolen away from her that they don't want to give them her daughter for reasons that she's working and no one's taking care of the baby. For me, that's just ridiculous and the husband's not helping her but give her heartaches.
My heart cried for her while listening to her story. I tried my best not to cry with her so as by that I could give her rational advices and that she could draw strength from me. I don't know if I'm right but I told her to stop holding on to the husband already because I can never accept the fact the he's hurting her physically and think about the best way on how to get her child. What I did was I prayed for her, for her situation, and hugged her.
Any advice from you guys? How can I help her? Do you think it's best to deal with this legally now? How can I encourage her to do so because she fears on doing so?
3 people like this
11 responses
@zoe140 (10)
• China
30 Aug 11
I am sorry for your friend.Sometimes i think that women are miserable because our lives may be controled and decided by marriages greatly. In fact,in my opinion,it is most useful for your friend to divorce from her husband.As you know,her husband doesn't love her at all and abuses her emotionally and physically.It is terrible! No gentleman will do this. So divorce is the best way to deal with this problem. Your friend will get more hurt if it is delayed.
In addition, your courage and companion can be most useful method to comfort her.You are best friends,right. So just listen to her,share with her happiness and sadness.A hug is enough.
@ronadelle (1547)
• Philippines
30 Aug 11
Divorce in our country is not an option yet but we have annulment. But in order for a marriage to be annulled, it means spending big amount of money and it takes a long time to process. I've another friend who filed for annulment and it took her 8 years. And yes, I thank you for your honest suggestion. I'll be keeping that in mind that listening is the most useful method to comfort her.
1 person likes this
@ronadelle (1547)
• Philippines
30 Aug 11
I'm from the Philippines. Annulment is a legal procedure for declaring a marriage null and void. This is the only option we have here. That's why most of failed marriages in our country is high in percentage and couples would just go on with their lives separately and not aiming for an annulment at all to save them money. Hehe
1 person likes this
@aprilsong (1884)
• China
30 Aug 11
Well,i feel sorry for your friend. And i think you should try to let her know that there is only one man in this world. Since this man doesn't love her at all, she should try to leave him and begin her new life. It is painful to can't see her daughter, but she has right to visit and see her.
I think she falls too deep in the relationship and can't pull out. Of course it is painful if the relationship breaks up, but you know, if you show your weakness and seem to can't live with the guy, he will look down on you. The most important thing after breaking up is: try to forget the past and move on, to live a better life, and let the guy who leaves you see that you are not a weak person, maybe one day he will regret.
1 person likes this
@163Mandolingirl (1052)
•
30 Aug 11
What a terrible situation for your friend to be in! Isn't there anyone, maybe another family member, she could go and live with? She must get away from this abusive man.
@ronadelle (1547)
• Philippines
30 Aug 11
I strongly wish that for her! I think I told her many times to love herself more, get up and build up herself. Be strong. I'm praying for her everyday.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
29 Aug 11
Hi ronadelle, It is very sad about your friend and there is far too much of this in the world. Your friend needed to talk to someone, and you have already helped her by being a good listener. I don't think that she should remain with a husband who abuses her, but neither do I know about the choices that she has, it depends on the laws in your country and also the culture. It is also very wrong that her child should be taken away from her. Remember though, that your friend must make up her own mind and you can only make suggestions. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@ronadelle (1547)
• Philippines
29 Aug 11
Yes, thank you for reminding me that still, the decision is up to her. I'm just here to support her all the way and to be a shoulder to cry on. I'm praying that everything will be okay soon and I believe that she's a strong woman despite of what's happening with her right now. God bless!
1 person likes this
@GreenMoo (11834)
•
30 Aug 11
I think that just knowing she has a friend will be a huge comfort to your friend.
I suspect the suggestions that I would give a friend in a similar situation would be very different to those that will work in your country, just due to the cultural gap.
1 person likes this
@hafiz008 (450)
• India
29 Aug 11
I am feel sorry about her situation. I pray to God that please don't give such situation to any one. In my opinion you must have to move legally. it is because her husband will utilize his position for bad thing.To me the matter most concerned is about her daughter. if husband had moved baby away from her, how rude he is. It is better to find a good advocate and file a case against him.The remaining part leaves to the God as He is seeing all this. He will help you. My prayer is always with you.
@ronadelle (1547)
• Philippines
29 Aug 11
Thanks hafiz. I feel so sorry for my friend too. She doesn't deserve this but I believe that everything will be okay and she'll smile again.
1 person likes this
@ronadelle (1547)
• Philippines
1 Sep 11
Yep, I'm happy that she chose to come running to me and so I could comfort her and listened to her agonies.
@mikeang (73)
• Singapore
30 Aug 11
Ronadele, the fact that your friend came to see you seems to point to her need of talking to someone. Since that is already done - next thing would be to see what she needs from now on. If you got another chance to express that, and if you have the capacity (heart and trusting that you can help), then ask can she meet up again with some long time mutual friends you think might help in whatever way. Your friend knows best or should be the decision maker but with that group would hopefully keep the calmness and solve the problem, if if it meant to see some "wise" person in your mutual opinions. Take care, pray for you and your friend. Mike
@ronadelle (1547)
• Philippines
1 Sep 11
Thanks for the prayers as well. Actually, I received a message from her yesterday if we could meet at the mall and just have fun. I'd like to do that with her so she won't be thinking much and unwind for a while. Blessings!
@kewlme (163)
• Philippines
30 Aug 11
I think you did a good job by listening to your friend as this helped her released her emotions especially if she was not able to share it with others. Yeah, I think the best thing is to continue praying for her to be strong with the challenges she is experiencing right now.
@ronadelle (1547)
• Philippines
1 Sep 11
Yes, you're right. Praying for her and being there for her or just about every sad friends who need our comfort are the best we could give them. ;)
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
1 Sep 11
The most important thing that you can do for a friend that is going through a really difficult time in their lives is to simply be there for them. My best girlfriend lost her niece and nephew in a house fire nine months ago and she still gets quite depressed about them. When she starts talking about them, I will just sit there and listen to her talk.
I know that it really doesn't seem like you are doing a lot for a friend when you listen to them. However, that does more good for a person than you would ever think about.
@ronadelle (1547)
• Philippines
1 Sep 11
Thanks for that. I was thinking that if it was me on a very difficult situation, I'd also like someone who'll just listen and that's all. Now, I totally understand. ;)
@naija4real (1291)
•
30 Aug 11
You need to know what is really making him or her sad. Then find what will make him or her happy and then present those happy words to him gradually and gradually untill your good friends become happy.
@flowerfest08 (1677)
•
30 Aug 11
hi:)
I'm sorry for what happened to your friend, yeah you're right there's no use in staying in one relationship if she was already physically and emotionally abused by her husband. as for the child for what I read and heard, she can surely get her if she's capable because if the child is still below 7 yrs of age, the child required to stay on the mother. Well Good luck for her!
@ronadelle (1547)
• Philippines
1 Sep 11
Yep, she's very aware of that, that's why she's really longing to have her daughter yet she's finding ways to do so. She's figuring it out on how to tend to her daughter while working at the same.
