Friends who does not show up in events all the time is not doing well??
By chiyochan
@chiyosan (30184)
Philippines
August 29, 2011 9:21pm CST
My friends at my first job have become really close. we all started in this company as fresh grads and we kind of see each other grow, we have had our times where we went out, enjoyed and had fun... we too have had our share of some lonely or bad stuffs, both personal and work related..
after almost 10 years, one has invited us to celebrate her 30th birthday... and well... all of us were invited and one friend has confirmed she will come.. and we are all excited because during the past few years that we had little celebrations, like birthday parties of their kids, wedding celebrations... she hasn't showed up! not in any of these and not even when we scheduled some hanging out time at one of our friend's pad.
I told my mom... in passing i said she does not show up.. she said she will but we'd find her facebook account updated that she is watching tv at the time... which is weird why would she do that and not show up when she has no other commitment...
Then my mom said, i guess its like how we are, or how i was... and she said when a person is not doing so well in life.. and she sees her friends are quite happy, quite doing well... that person will not want to show up because she's afraid to let other people see her life has not turned up well...
Do you think this could be the case, not only for her but for most of us??
I mean she knows we won't judge her, and we will even help.. but then is this natural for people? that we will not want tto go out and attend gatherings if our life is not as good as it should be?
9 responses
@htodizzo (31)
• Philippines
30 Aug 11
I think it is a common situation for all of us, wherein you think or you feel that you're not as good as other people, So you cut down on yourself all the time because you think you're not good enough to be with them. It's not about "Not doing so well" in your life, it's more like a confusion. You are not sure where you fit in. You don't know what you like. And most people are discreet about that. I've been through it over and over, I avoid my friends for a long time but not because I am afraid they are going to judge me, simply because I wanted some time to figure what I want and understand myself more. (Thank God for my Family and Friends!)
It takes courage to get out of this situation, so you really have to be patient and understanding. She will be needing a lot of positive energy from you and your other friends. Just be patient and supportive. Maybe one day, she had it all figured out.
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
30 Aug 11
I think it's a case to case basis. What your mother said could be true to some but not all. there are a lot of reasons why a person would rather stay at home rather than spend is with friends. Personality plays a big role. I'm saying this because there are people who are well off but still would choose not to attend and there are those who are not that well off but you can find them whenever there's something important like an event or a simple get together. I said that because I happen to know one.
1 person likes this
@naija4real (1291)
•
30 Aug 11
Most human as they grow older and become more conscious of their personality they are tune to this way of doing things. They make choice as the economics often says. You can not avoid this kind of things at some point in time
@sophiecheer (931)
• Philippines
4 Sep 11
It sure likes your "absentee" friend is really undergoing a tough tough insecurity issues. I guess, you just allow her to deal with it on her own.
It sure will help though that you always keep in touch and let her know that you are always there for her as a friend.
@pbbbsra (1214)
• Philippines
30 Aug 11
It think it does not always mean they are not okay, some just don't like to meet up anymore. I have friends who suddenly lost touch and does not bother to reply. I think that they are not attached to the friendship anymore and attending might make her feel uncomfortable. After not seeing each other for years, others are becoming shy that things will not be the same anymore. Others mature and think that there are other things more important to do. Maybe there is someone from the group she is not comfortable with that made her not come... There are lots of other reasons, and whatever it is, it is her right to decide whether she will come or not.
@flowerfest08 (1677)
•
30 Aug 11
hi:)
that's not good!I read from a magazine before that that's one of the sign of depression,they confine their selves inside their home,that is their safe comfort zone.perhaps it's better if you pick her up in times like that, ask her to stay on your house for that night, I know it's not easy especially if you're so busy, but for a mother I think that's worth it.
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
30 Aug 11
For me I don't like that what you said because if you are home body person you feel good to in the home only.
@rosie14 (80)
• Philippines
30 Aug 11
I admit that I'm one of them who won't come and join an event/gathering, that's why i called myself "OTHERS" since I don't really like socializing. There have been two reunions that I should be attending, high school and college, but I didn't come for simple reason, I don't like to hear their success stories. I know I'm not a failure but hearing their stories make me feel that I'm not good enough. Whats harder to know is that your seatmate who always copy your answer with or without your consent, is more successful than you are career wise.
I'm not really a socialize person, I do have a group of friends and i rather to be with them than with other people. For me, just for me only, I don't like to mingle with people I'm not really close to.
I guess there are people like me, who prefer to be at home with family or alone than to be with group of people even if they are my friends. You should understand that people like us, what i can advice you is to invite your friend, just the two of you so you will know why is she's like that.
@enaid_osnam (99)
• Philippines
30 Aug 11
There is a criteria under personality disorder called avoidant personality disorder and the people who fall under this criteria want to avoid social interaction. They like to stay isolated for fear of being ridiculed, rejected and criticized. It is usually noticed during early adulthood. Emotional neglect and peer rejection during childhood can be associated with such disorder. Maybe this explains why your friend does not show up all the time and prefers to stay at home.
