how do you deal with jealousy?
By BLTLife
@BLTLife (337)
United States
August 29, 2011 11:18pm CST
i am a really jealous person, and my lover was married to a woman before me with two kids.
i suspect she still has feelings for him. but i also have met her twice, so i am completely sure that she is a terrible person (ha ha joke ha)
anyway, i want to be able to get over my extreme jealousy that causes me so much mental anguish. can anyone please provide me with a few tips to keep it under control? a little more info: i have bpd and so all my emotions are extreme, and jealousy is the worst one. i don't want to lose my boyfriend but i just can't stop being furious and jealous.
it doesn't even make sense to me, but i get upset when he won't even marry me and he married this other woman. i feel like this is ruining my life. do i get out of the relationship? do i get help and try to mend the relationship? it really hurts me that he wanted to marry her and not me. and he always tells me he likes me better. but i never hear him say anything negative about her and he's still afraid of her and gives her whatever she wants. i feel like sometimes it isn't worth it. he was married before with two children. am i completely wrong for being so jealous about this? i don't understand why it makes me so angry and depressed at the same time. its like, im number two, so i'm cheaper than her in value.
it drives me absolutely crazy!!! please help.
2 people like this
4 responses
@htodizzo (31)
• Philippines
30 Aug 11
He was married, you have a reason to be jealous. But do not over do it, it will do no good to you and the relationship. Him being kind and still friends with his ex-wife is a good thing, especially they have kids. It just shows how much he respects women! If you feel jealous when he is talking to the ex-wife then just think about the kids needs their daddy!
Do you get out of the relationship? only you can answer that! if you think you're just wasting your time on him then you definitely have to do some thinking. you don't want to be in a relationship wherein you think you are being taken for granted. you'll go crazy keep thinking that way! It helps, if you confront him, ask him nicely. tell him about what you feel.
As for marriage, you just have to be patient about that because his first marriage failed. just because he is not talking bout' it doesn't mean he loves you any less. I'm pretty sure he just doesn't want to go through failed marriage again and you don't want it too!
Do not pressure him! Be supportive. Jealous girlfriend is not what he needs right now. He wants you to be confident about you and him. Confident is sexy, so be it! :) If ever you feel jealous, just think how much he loves you and cares for you, think of the happy things you do or just keep yourself busy! Jealousy is cute once in a while, but never ever over do it!
@BLTLife (337)
• United States
30 Aug 11
i hate that he's on amicable terms with his ex. i hate it so much, and i hate his "other children" and i can't help it because it makes me feel like i'm so much less in value to him. obviously things didn't work out, but she's been harassing us for a long time. she is pissed, jealous, etc cuz he basically got a divorce just to be with me. and he says like it wasn't working at all, but i can't get past my jealousy. it's so strong, today i punched a mirror at the bathroom because it was so bad. i literally couldn't function and had to disassociate in order to escape this unbearable pain.
i feel like he doesn't love me. i don't know what to do. at the same time, i never want to date again because love hurts so much. i feel like i just want to be impulsive and run away somewhere. i'm really depressed because i feel like it's so dumb. we've been together like 2 years living together for one and a half. like, he never makes any effort or anything. he says he wants to buy me a nice ring, but i am the type of girl who does not want a nice ring. i want something special. our wedding bands can be nice, but i dont want the typical go to a jewelry store ring. idk it's not my style. but he doesn't try to do anything... in the beginning he was so sweet and sensitive to me and now i just feel like he doesn't love me anymore. that i messed it up by preventing him talking to his ex-wife/children. i know jealous girlfriend isnt sexy, but its part of a personality disorder. its a lot of intrusive thoughts. im on like 5 medicines for my "mood" and its so stressful because i am just happy and fine most of the time until i start thinking about how much i hate his ex-wife and it makes me cry sometimes.
i just.. he was with her for 6 years. and then suddenly one day he wakes up and gets a divorce and then messages me. its so messed up. i'm really upset, really really upset about this. and it might not be logical but i can't help it. he already had his little perfect family life and wedding and then what about me? i get sloppy seconds? table scraps???
@BLTLife (337)
• United States
30 Aug 11
yeah i totally know what you mean. it's pretty crazy he did that... and i feel guilty about it every day. that's why i know it won't work, y'know? cause i've done unforgivable things that i don't think he's ever going to get past... i mean, he had jobs in the past and he could have bought me a ring then, and he kept telling me for sure we'd get married before the baby came. the baby is two months old.
so i just can't help but be insecure, you know? i hate this. i feel like a butthole for even telling him to do it, but i didnt think he would honestly. i thought we were going to break up over this. i really, truly, deeply love him as a person. it's my own jealousy. i feel like i have unrealistic expectations sometimes, but like, doesn't every girl like getting something special from their boyfriend? and it doesnt even have to cost anything! just something that shows me that i'm totally special to him and he's devoted to me? i just... i don't know what to do. i'm seriously getting ill over this. i feel like he will never love me and just go back to her.
alot of the other problem was that i had come out of a terribly abusive relationship and i didnt/cant trust ANYONE and it always comes down to my personality/mental disorder.
@htodizzo (31)
• Philippines
30 Aug 11
Hey! not every guy will give up their marriage for another girl! you should be happy about that. If you love someone you have to accept him/her with all your heart, regardless of his/her past! The fact the you hate and you are stressed that he was married and have children is not really a good sign to get married. It'll just end up on the same faith as his first marriage. Deal with your issues first.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Never ever ask him to avoid anyone who is important to him, not his ex-wife, never his children. Relationships is not about you or him, it's about two people understand and love each other for who they are and create a stronger bond! If you don't feel that way then speak up! Never make him feel he is more important than you are but don't shun him either. Compromise is two way street! Good Luck and God Bless!
@padu19 (1441)
• India
30 Aug 11
Hi,
According to me there is no point in feeling jealous in this context. He is not even ready to marry you. But he still keeps the affair active which clearly means he is trying to utilise you and nothing more. I would recommend you to stay away from him. He is betraying both of you for his pleasure. I believe this is wrong and should not be encouraged.
Please take care of your life!
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
30 Aug 11
i don't know...but as soon as i found out i will let you know lol.
@nezavisima (7408)
• Bulgaria
30 Aug 11
ealousy is an illness.
To deal with this jealousy to regain some confidence in people so you can move on.
but any normal person faced with jealousy in different akspekti.
maybe you should talk to this person to clarify the relationship and see how it will proceed.
nice day!
