becoming physically abusive help!!!

You are physically abusing your boyfriend because you know in your head that he use to do it to other women. By knowing this inside your head you deciding mentally that you would hurt him before he can hurt you. In order to stop hurting him you probably would have to see some professional help. If you want to stop without professional help then you should tell yourself over and over before you see him you will not physically abuse him. Also when you are with him try to stay very calm and control you moods. When he makes you even a little mad just get up a go do something else. If nothing works then go to see professional help.

I know you probably don't want to hear it but you probably need to get professional help so that a therapist can determine where the anger issues are coming from, and possibly the two of you should see someone together so that you can work through these issues that are pushing you over the edge. If you want this relationship to make it you are going to have to get some help, both for your self and your relationship.

My guess would be that the reason that you are abusive toward your boyfriend is because of the fact that you knew that he had a history of being abusive toward his previous girlfriends. Therefore, you developed the defense mechanism of being abusive so that you are not able to get hurt by him. If it isn't something that is able to stop, I would think that you might need to go to counseling so that it will stop.

hello amanda, you ask what makes you become abusive, but then it seems like you answer that question yourself, you say he says nasty things, and you get angry and are physically violent. abusive behaviour doesn't have to be physical, a nasty tongue can do as much damage, if not more, than a hand or fist. rather than blaming yourself i think you need to look at the dynamics of the relationship, and think about what is going on, and ask yourself who starts it, if he provokes you by being nasty first, and if you are responding then you are not as at fault as you think you are. i once knew a woman, who was an alchoholic, and she lived with a man, and every weekend night it ended in a fight, a physical one, and because he was the man she came off worse, but she did incredibly provocative things. she used to get blind drunk, and she even told his two year old daughter, in front of him, that robbie williams was her father, while they were watching a video, and then bought him a cd of robbie williams for fathers day. but all the neighbours thought he was the violent one, but in many ways she provoked him so much, that he responded violently. so i think you need to talk seriously to someone about the dynamics in the relationship, don't assume just because you are the one who ends up getting angry enough to hit him, that you are the one at fault. he may be just as much to blame, and if he is being deliberately provocative, and saying nasty things to you, an argument could possibly be made that he is more to blame. so think about this.

Have you tried being sensitive? Putting yourself in others' shoes? Maybe doing so, feeling what they feel when you become abusive would help. I guess it's up to you to think about your abusive behavior. You may lose more than your boy, but also your friend. It is a really sad thing to know that you've become someone to be avoided than loved. Hope your attitude get better soon. It needs mending.

maybe anger management classes can help. they sure have helped me. control is everything. once you take control of your self you will stop putting your hands on him.

I think if you are hurting your partner by hitting him, then it may lead to trouble. It sounds very commendable that he hasn't retaliated and hit you back, but you know from his past that he is capable. As a counsellor myself, I have come across this many times, and if you find a good counsellor that both of you can see at the same time, then it should help. By your own post, you already know in your own mind that it is not advisable to let it go on. Good luck to you and your partner. I hope everthing turns out well for your both. _Derek

I think there is a need for you to seek some professional help. Someone whom you could trust enough to tell all your fears, and why there is this urge to hit. People have threshold, and I am scared that there will come a point when the person you are hitting will say, enough is enough, and hit you back. Maybe, you can contemplate on the following: [[u]i]What are you afraid of most? Why the need to be physically abusive? What does it bring you?[/i][/u]

hello Amanda, This is somehow really disturbing and you need some professional help. You are lucky to have a boyfriend who is there to assist you with and care for you and understand your situation. So, you need to help yourself too to control your emotions and get rid from this kind of behavior. have a good day jaiho®

Hello Amanda, I think there's no way i can help you with that. How ever you can get help through counseling and Psychiatrist. better do it soon or he might get tired of putting up with it some day. anyways, probably it's a best way to test himself whether how he can control it and tolerate it. Good thing you're taking those pills, it can be very emotionally painful for some one taking it Physically.

You seem to be repeating a cycle. Only you can help yourself. Every time you have the urge to lift your hand to hit someone, control yourself, tell yourself to stop or else you are only doing damage to yourself as you will not be able to have a truly happy relationship if you keep on with that destructive habit.

This is a type of control that needs to come from within you, no one should put their hands each other. Personally once your relationship gets into this stage, in point of view you have lost respect for each other. I am not saying you don't love each other, becasue for what I hear you both love each other since you keep on coming back, but the relationship is losing it's respect. You need to find something that will calm you down, maybe instead of confronting him, when a converstaion gets heated, walk away, go for a walk and calm yourself down before talking with him. I know he has never gotten violent with you, but he does get in your face and one day, he's anger could abrupt and get physical and trust me you don't want that to happen. Try to avoid, getting involved with heated conversation. I do wish you the best of luck, because it seems you are in a very difficult situation at this point in your life, you also have to remember there are kids involved and you don't want them to see that type of behavior.

I think that you should get help from some one who is a professional in this area. That would be the loving thing to do for him and yourself. It's not fair for him that he has to go through this. You are fortunate that he still wants to stay with you. Most people see the need to get out of relationships like this that are abusive or to start fighting back. It's obvious that he loves you. If you love him you have to get help because being abusive isn't good for any relationship especially physical abuse. I hope that everything works out for the best for both of you.

Hi Amanda. In my opinion, stop hurting your boyfriend physically, you know why? It's because if you keep doing so, that past of your boyfriend might come back again until you find yourselves hurting each other. Never trigger it. It's ugly and I know u don't want that to happen, right? There are always a lot of ways to control your anger. I hope that you find ways that works for you to control your anger. I'm sure you love each other so I suggest that please don't let that become destructive to both of you.

Could you have a form of PTSD? Sounds like you've subconsciously developed the idea that you need to attack him before he attacks you. Admitting you have a problem is a fantastic first step. Now you need to seek professional help as a couple and as individuals to deal with the problem further.

Think of the reasons why you hit him. Did he do something wrong to you? Did he said things that gets you mad? Try to tell him why you hit him. If he's saying things to your face that gets you mad. Try to tell him to control it or say it gently so you won't get mad and hurt him. Tell him you don't want to hurt him but you always got out of control with the things he does to you. But if you hurt him with no reason at all, then you really have to seek advise from the professional.

Was he physically abusive to you before you started throwing things and hitting him? Whether he was or was not, you need concealing, or more. Probably you both need help.

I'm not really sure what you could do about you being physically abusive, but maybe some counselling would help. I'm not really qualified to put in any advice here, as I am no experet, but I just wanted to commend your bf for sticking to his word. That even if he hit before, he's managed to control himself. Maybe the next thing he could work on are the hurtful things that he says.

In my last relationship i myself ended up being abusive and it was one of the resons I knew I had to end the relationshi because I knew it was wrong and I knew he didn't deserve it and I had feelings it would escalate and I couldn't let it do that. If I was you I would probably have to take some time to myself and the relationshp at least for a while.