How a spouse is taking advantage of another spouse!
By jacklintan
@jacklintan (1302)
Malaysia
September 10, 2011 8:34am CST
Hello Mylotters,
Am I going to spark another controversial topic for discussion tonight? :P :)
As my discussion subject speaks louder for everyone to hear, I believed, this is happening in every households of my friends and close relatives as far as I could remember.
When 2 people from different background lives under the same roof, there are times, when a spouse will be feeling they are being taken advantage by the other spouse.
For instance, a wife is cooking for the dinner and later on, she have to sweat to clean off those crokeries after the dinner. On the other hand, the husband will be watching the tele after the dinner and sip some cups of teas at the living hall. Often I wondered, why didn't the husband chip in to help the wife?
There was another occasion, the husband has to wake up very early in the morning to prepare for the children's school. He has to prepare the breakfast, the food for the kids to take to school while the wife who is a housewife, will be sleeping till noon.There we times, the husband will be doing the laundry too, when the wife, that all she cares about, is her fingernails and facials courses she took!
Maybe, I'm wrong. Maybe, it is not called "taking advantage". :)
3 people like this
7 responses
@strawberrychocodahi (4818)
• Philippines
11 Sep 11
Its not taking advantage, its unequal distribution of labor 
. The couple should have equal responsibilities and therefore, they should work hand in hand in raising their own family.
If they truly love and respect each other, one burden is also a burden of the other half. So when you said taking advantage, that is not a good relationship, it was meant for parasites, only one is taking the credit and the other one is suffering, which is not a good example for couples.
Are you married? because if you are, you know what I am talking about when it comes to relationship, it should be a give and take situation and working hand-in hand. It is like a boat that two should work together to paddle it in order for the boat to move.
. The couple should have equal responsibilities and therefore, they should work hand in hand in raising their own family.
If they truly love and respect each other, one burden is also a burden of the other half. So when you said taking advantage, that is not a good relationship, it was meant for parasites, only one is taking the credit and the other one is suffering, which is not a good example for couples.
Are you married? because if you are, you know what I am talking about when it comes to relationship, it should be a give and take situation and working hand-in hand. It is like a boat that two should work together to paddle it in order for the boat to move. 1 person likes this
@jacklintan (1302)
• Malaysia
11 Sep 11
WELL,
FIRST, I'M SINGLE. Yes, we all should be doing the right thing to prolong a lasting relationships.
Well, people can get selfish these days.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
10 Sep 11
To me it is called marriage. Unless you communicate Before the I Dos and split the housework. once married it will be the wife that does it all. It doesn't matter if she works outside the home or not , she will be the one doing Everything. this is why I will never marry! or if I Had to marry , he would have to be rich enough to have a maid, a cook, and a wet nurse for the heirs , I mean kids.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
11 Sep 11
That's it! A husband is considered good if he works outside the home and if he makes children. That's is why birth control and the ability to say no to marriage was and still is a freedom cry!
@jacklintan (1302)
• Malaysia
11 Sep 11
I believed we are not speaking for WOMAN because we are women. :)
I'm sure it applies to everyone working in a group, in the corporate line and even with a group of friends.
1 person likes this
@jacklintan (1302)
• Malaysia
10 Sep 11
Well, Sarah. I somehow agree with you.
Women have HELL LOADS of tasks to do when they're married. Sometimes, I have the feeling, the man's duty is just pumping their seed onto woman to works the rest!
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
13 Sep 11
I've seen couples like that. In fact, my parents relationship was a bit like that. My mom was a stay-at-home mom and dad worked full-time and sometimes worked a part time job on the side as well. To her credit, my mom was an amazing cook and did most of the cooking. Still, dad did a good amount of work around the house and I used to think it seemed a bit unfair. Thing is, it didn't seem to bother him a bit. Relationships are rarely 50/50 and so whatever works for the couple is fine, I think. One can only be taken advantage of only if one allows it. If the wife wants more help from her husband then she should ask for it. If either one of them is unhappy with the way things are, they owe it the marriage to talk about it and find a solution.
@jacklintan (1302)
• Malaysia
13 Sep 11
This is true also. Some couples really have the good heart and they're not calculative with the amount of work for the home. Your dad have a BIG HEART. He does what is best for the family and not being calculative, which is great.
Be like your dad. He is a leading example for everyone. People like him, always have joy and happiness plus deep respect from everyone around him.
:) cheers
xo
@inertia4 (27960)
• United States
11 Sep 11
Well, according to what you wrote, it is being taken advantage of. In a marriage, it is a 50/50 split with everything. Now, these days both husband and wife both have to work, so when it comes to cooking and cleaning and taking care of the children, it should be 50/50 all the way. Now, if only the man works, then the man cannot be there for everything. So, the woman, or the wife will take care of things throughout the day. Now, being a housewife and a mother is a full time job in itself. Now in this case, when the husband gets home from work, he should clean off the table after dinner and help with the children, like bathing them and getting them into bed. Marriage without children can be challenging, but when you add children into the mix, well, it is very challenging.
@inertia4 (27960)
• United States
12 Sep 11
Everyone definitely needs a break. There is nothing that says a wife cannot go out with her friends to chill out and have some fun. Same for the husband. Thats where the 50/50 balance comes in. It all build down to trust. If you have trust on both sides, then there should be nothing to worry about.
@jacklintan (1302)
• Malaysia
12 Sep 11
I surely meant it as "a take advantage issue". :)
Well, it's just certain things that sucks in some families.
I'm sure everyone can chip in for some efforts to make things work in their own family.
We need to have some friends and keeping in touch with them from time to time. It's really not good to be with the only husband/ wife all the time.
Only through a group of good people around us, it might help to break away the "taking advantage issue" in the somebody's head from time to time.
:) After all, we are all just breeding babies and growing old together later on.
xo
@Jlyn10 (11965)
• Malaysia
11 Sep 11
Aaaah, the return of Jacklintan! Where have you been all this while? Firstly, tell me, are you married already?
Okay, back to the discussion.
In marriage, I think both should respect each others' needs. And like I said in lagvier's box, it would be fair if both were to share the same chores when both are at home together. Even though the husband goes to work, the wife being a housewife is also working on her daily chores.
Okay, back to the discussion.
In marriage, I think both should respect each others' needs. And like I said in lagvier's box, it would be fair if both were to share the same chores when both are at home together. Even though the husband goes to work, the wife being a housewife is also working on her daily chores.@Jlyn10 (11965)
• Malaysia
12 Sep 11
Usually, it is those uneducated people who will behave in such selfish acts. Or maybe not matured enough to know the meaning of love as you can see that many got married too young and having a family of their own when they don't even know what marriage life is all about.
@jacklintan (1302)
• Malaysia
12 Sep 11
There are quite a handful of people who got into marriage because they're conceiving a child. It's the society stereotype that onced they have a child, they need to get into marriage.
:)
1 person likes this
@huilichan8 (1378)
• Singapore
10 Sep 11
Sometimes it's a matter of perception and sometimes it's a matter of different backgrounds. For instance, my older brother is used to being pampered and so to him, it's natural that he just leaves the dishes for us gals to wash after eating. So I won't be surprised if he does the same thing after he gets married. To him, he is not trying to take advantage of anyone because he is just so used to being pampered.
@jacklintan (1302)
• Malaysia
10 Sep 11
Hello.
Pampering job often ended up the children growing to be SPOILT which is not benefiting the children in longer term.
Parent's pampering behaviour will make the children suffer later on.
Pampering should be meant as a reward after a long day task work.
Spoiling the child by pampering them = NEGATIVE OUTCOME.
A pamper child often takes advantage of others.
@huilichan8 (1378)
• Singapore
10 Sep 11
Yup, I agree! But what can I say? Hopefully, he will marry someone who dares to tell him her expectations of him, and hopefully he will love his wife enough to want to change for her sake.
@jacklintan (1302)
• Malaysia
11 Sep 11
Huili,
Your parents should be blamed. And your brother need to learn his lesson wWWWELLL!
@Netsbridge (3253)
• United States
11 Sep 11
Most of these problems stem from culture and viewpoint: I have seen some men, especially African and Asian, who would walk hands free while their wives struggle with baggage behind them! The sight is always so odd and absurd, I have even at times approached some of these men and informed them they appear to be abusing their wives.
Anyway, I generally believe a person who loves his/her spouse would never sit or stand and watch the other struggle and not help, regardless of culture. These practices, in my opinion, tend to be forms of abuse.
@jacklintan (1302)
• Malaysia
12 Sep 11
Hmmmmm~~~~~~~
ABUSE? Like the thought you put into my brain. xo
