My mom was weeping....

Hi Shibham Oh I am sorry that mother is weeping over the stress of the situation. She is feeling like she is stuck in the middle. She wants her daughter to be happy and also wants her husband, your father to understand. Yes a marriage is difficult to survive if both are not working. It becomes very stressful and at times hurtful with emotions. I don't know how your father is, but can I suggest you sit and speak to him. Explain to him that you completely understand his views about the situation. But also add that yes, what is done is done and unless all pull together as a family the marriage will be in somewhat of trouble. He may not like you speaking to him of your thoughts but it may get him to understand. All you all can do is pull together and help your sister and husband with food and or a place to stay if they have trouble financially on their own. But as for the husband he has to continue searching for something to show your family that he is really trying. He probably is but continue encouraging him that someday all will be fine. This will keep his moral up and the marriage safe from financial stresses. Best of luck to your sister, and know that this must be hard for her.

Parents usually want the very best for their children. Young people quite often think job finding, or other such things, will be much easier than they actually turn out to be. It is not your responsibility to make your parents feel better. I would help them as much as possible. Hopefully your love choice will turn out okay.

What is stopping your bro-in-law from finding a job shib? As for your Dad, with all due respect, what does he hope to achieve with such a bad attitude? Everyone knows he disapproves but it is pointless to continue to go on about it hurting innocent people...that behaviour will not change the status quo. He is being childlike in his rigidity to accept the situation. The couple need support at this time, not condemnation. Can he not see that he is making the situation worse for them with his attitude? If he would just back off and remove some stress, they might be able to breathe better and achieve more. As for you, no lying about jobs or making promises you cannot keep. No sacrifices either. Your support is all they need and your love too. If you make any sacrifices the situation will become worse!

Hi Shibham, I'm from the States and arranged marriages aren't so common as they are in your country. As a parent, I don't agree with your dad at all but I do understand that he is reacting because of his own deep beliefs of how a marriage should be. I think if I were you, I would just not try to "fix" anything and let them work things out for themselves. Your parents both love your sister and only want what is best for her. They will find a way to work through this. I have 4 daughters and I can understand your dad's frustration at him for not working. Are jobs that hard to find? Is he sincerely trying? You say your sister is also looking for a job? How are they living with no income? I do believe that love is an important part of a marriage but it is kind of irresponsible to get married with no income coming in. My first marriage was like this. I worked but my husband didn't. My parents were furious when I married him. He kept saying he was looking for work but truth be known, he was just hanging out with his buddies and having a good ole time while I supported the both of us. He did not get a job until just before our marriage ended. Even when he got a job, he didn't go to it half the time.

I think your dad will get peace with the situation after a while. It just sometimes takes a little time when there is something new introduced that hasn't been a part of what you believe. It would be a lot easier for him if he were able to get a job and prove himself. I think that by you being there for your mom and dad if they need to talk is about all you can do. I know it must be hard for you and your family right now. Just remember that sometimes people say things they don't mean when they are hurt or angry. Hang in there and I do hope that things get better for your and your family.

hi shiby, I am happy to know that didi has love marriage Well I can understand Dad's feelings but he must accept that it happened already and he should be more understandable now considering what will Mom will feel every time she will scold Didi. Try to comfort Mom that everything will be fine soon I hope she feels better and try to talk with Dad so he will be more aware to Mom's feeling happy mylotting

Probably they should not have gotten married until he had a job. Love marriage or arranged marriage, the bills still must be paid. It is correct, what is done is done, and it does not help anyone for people to express a bad attitude and use rough words.

I don't think you can do anything. They are adults and should solve their own problems. If your father wants to have a tantrum and go to the neighbor's house your mom should let him and try to not cry about it. I understand why they are upset but it's time to accept that your sister has left the nest and has her own life. They should worry about their own lives instead of hers. I know, that's hard but they can't undo what's done. Just let them argue or whatever, it's none of your business and you might hurt the situation more than you can help. You mom encourages your dad's actions by crying. If her attitude changes, his probably will, too.

dear shiby, Sorry to hear this,I hope mother is fine now and wish that father will soon accept reality that, it's all done. And, all he (father) has to do is support or sister not to make mother weep again. Hugs for maa please

There no use blaming each other for something that can no longer be undone. There no reason for your mother and father to argue because in this case they are not the ones who has a problem, it's your brother in law. They should talk to their in law and ask what is plans are and give them all the help he can get.

Shiby, i know you are a awesome brother and you did the right thing. Your parents just have to get use to it, no offense. We live in times when we listen to our hearts. Job or no job as long as they are happy. Sounds stupid, i know, but one day you will understand whay i said this.

You are already very supportive for all your loved ones. Hopefully things will work out for your sister and her husband. It's understandable that your father probably thought a marriage based on material and financial security was more preferable for your sister. Perhaps he has the vision that you can not feed you hungry body with only feeling love flowing. You need money to buy food and provide for your loved ones with a home and all that's required for a good life.

Hello Shibham, It was bad decision in my opinion to marry your sister with a jobless man.But once she is married now your father should accept it and should be supportive rather than being cursive. He should help them both to get job and to stand on their own feet.I know we need money to start any relationship or to keep continue the relationship i have seen many relationships broken due to financial crisis therefore its my advice to both you and your father to help the couple to stand on their feet at the earliest.

hi shibham, why is it that you are only trying for govt job when he already runs his video recording office? you can try improving his business with some additional equipments in case required, he can be a professional and can get contracts for weddings etc. They could have waited till either of them get a permanent job and then go for marriage.

Shibham! You may be younger than both of them but now thta you are an adult you need to take matters in your hands. I agree your father is harsh but it is not that he is very happy with the situation. Your sister made an unwise decision and is now managing as best as she could.However, there is no cause for concern because he has a video recording office and I hope he is not sponging on you for material support. If your sister is not cribbing about this there is no need for your mother to weep.If she is sad and she is passing on her worries to your mom then your father is justified in his anger. Your sister is qualified.She needs to take up some income earning activity either through a job or some online avenue or something. You tell your mother that choices were made with all this in mind and there is no point regretting it now. THis is what your father also said. You should also take a rational stance here and not just get emotional. THings would not be that bad after all. They need to exercise some financial constraints, sacrifice a lot and everything would be under control. Advise your sister accordingly.

I can see both points of view here. Naturally I support a love marriage. But for my daughter, I would hope that she would choose a suitable, love marriage. Not an unemployed no hoper.I'm not sayiing that your brother in law is a no hoper, but guess arnets were hoping she would choose someone who would provide security. Do you think your sister chose wisely? Love is necessaary, but love may not last if the chose is not one that is compatible, in terms of careers,etc. I dont agree with ypur father being strictly against a love marriage. And I dont think he shouod be negative to your mother about his daughters marriage. Ypur mother is doing hte best she can to support her daughter. You said that your brother in law has a video recording office. Does he earn a good income from that? Waht kind of job does your sisiter want? I think you can only keep supporting your sister andmother, and politely hint to your father that is not a good thiong to upset your mother.

hi shibham wow And you are in the middle of this.try to convince your dad that the economy is so bad and that for every job here in California there are literally hundreds out of work people applying for it.so I know its bad elsewhere too. We do marry for love here too, no arranged marriages. the thing is to placate dad and then comfort your mom. and also if he had a video recording office cannot he make a living that way. money made from that spends just as good as from anything else. I imagine your parents think that not a job but if it brings in money do not knock it.I think this is no time fo your dad to be mean to your mom at all.

oh...i am sad to hear this Sibhie. i believe that every marriage has its own trial. maybe this is her trial, if she can make it and solve it i guess she will get a good reward. keep trying to get that job and don't give up try to convince your mother that the government job is not everything, as long as he can make money for his family and have a good financial, i think your mother will understand

Hi Shibham, It is our desire to be our dear one should be reach in a better position. Just like you, when both my sister got married, our utmost expectation was their good living and growth. Luckily they reached in a better place now than what we expected. So, what I feel like to say is that just relax and they will be positioned in a better place shortly. If he is already educated good enough, I think he himself will find a suitable place in an year or two. Some time a good entry is required and once in a place, gradually he can go up or look for a still better one. Also, we all have a presumption that if we get a govt. job, we are safe and secure. But for me, I quit the govt. job and entered into private company for better prospectus. If I still work in the previous place, I am sure that I would have become so lazy and no progress in my service. Some people who worked with the govt. office are still there and they are just looking for 10-5 job profile and their work output is just 20-30% as compared to our work profile. Again, the compensation which compared to the govt. service people and mine now has wast difference. These days govt. job also getting good pay scale and better salary. Still, I feel, for a challenging and carrier oriented people prefer the job outside govt. sector. But some category of people are still depend on govt. job because of security reasons and life balance issues. So, don't take tension and tell your parents that they will settle soon. Also, you people are around to help. Ask him to attend and make attempts to PSC, Staff Selection Commission tests, apply in railways and govt. recognised tests and all. If is he efficient enough and qualified, there is not much job problems around and ask him to apply on line jobs also. I used to get atleast 5-10 web sites for job offers. So, let him to check in the web site and will get better opportunities in private sector also. Have hope and you are the person to sooth your parents too. Relax and tell your mother that they will settle soon with a good dream job what they are looking for. Regards, Thank-s

I am deeply saddened by the turmoil with the family. It is difficult to keep the family together. In your case, I think healing and acceptance of the situation comes first and everything else follows. I cannot say what to do as only you know how. I ask you to pray for guidance and the strength to keep the family whole and loving. To start with, should be your mother. COnsole her. Be the strength as she was to you. Be her confidant. Be the brother who everyone thought never will be but is; strong, dependable and family-wise.