What do you do when your husband does not pay his share?
By Lauriedk
@Lauriedk (49)
September 11, 2011 10:54am CST
I have a fixed income that only covers part of our mutual expenses. When I added it up and put into consideration what each of us is skilled to do I determined that I would put in $600 of my $858 disability check if he would contribute $350 per month. This way our mutual bills would be paid, I would have some money to spend on my own interests and anything that he made over $350 he could use however he wants to. He verbally agreed to this. He is not employed and no longer gets unemployment. He does odd jobs for people and is usually "working" most days. However, this includes spending time at our local bar and tinkering with his friend Gordon who has no money to pay him. I have let this go on for two or three months now only receiving about $100 per month from him. This means that I have had to use all of my check to pay our expenses and forego alot of the things that I really would have liked to have had or do. And it stilll isn't enough. I just had to borrow from my Mom just so I could continue service to my phone. The Charter bill isn't paid and neither is our vehicle insurance. He has good intentions and tries to make money but it just isn't happening fast enough to keep up with our bills which I have already reduced to about as low as we can go and still have basic food, shelter and comforts. I don't know what to do to help him find more money so that he can pay his share.
4 responses
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
12 Sep 11
Hi Lauriedk and welcome to myLot! 
Oh my your husband needs to be a bit more responsible towards your family finances. I can understand if he was earning less and completely trying to help you with the household expenses. But if he is earning less and spending it with his drinking buddy then that is not good at all.
You will have to have a very serious discussion with him, because as long as you continue to pay all the bills he will see nothing wrong with what he is doing. I am not sure you will get him to make changes as it is dependent on how much he values the relationship, but the more you continue to strive and find ways, the less he would likely try harder.
You can help him find ways, but he has to be willing to do them. I know jobs are scarce as I myself am unemployed. But for him to spend his money with his friends and not contribute enough is not right. The home first then the friends is how I would see it.
You could have him try temporary agencies and or labor agencies, and this might get him an additional job. But dear you have to continually remind him that he has to keep trying. Good luck with this.
Oh my your husband needs to be a bit more responsible towards your family finances. I can understand if he was earning less and completely trying to help you with the household expenses. But if he is earning less and spending it with his drinking buddy then that is not good at all.
You will have to have a very serious discussion with him, because as long as you continue to pay all the bills he will see nothing wrong with what he is doing. I am not sure you will get him to make changes as it is dependent on how much he values the relationship, but the more you continue to strive and find ways, the less he would likely try harder.
You can help him find ways, but he has to be willing to do them. I know jobs are scarce as I myself am unemployed. But for him to spend his money with his friends and not contribute enough is not right. The home first then the friends is how I would see it.
You could have him try temporary agencies and or labor agencies, and this might get him an additional job. But dear you have to continually remind him that he has to keep trying. Good luck with this. @Lauriedk (49)
•
12 Sep 11
My Mom made a similar comment that I am allowing him to act like he does because I am not giving him any negative consequences of not paying his share. My first step is in more specifically defining what his share is and keeping better records of what we each do or don't pay. One drawback is that he doesn't drive so that limits what he can effectively apply for. I hesitate to force him to go find something that is going to force me to have to stop what I am doing to take him back and forth. However, I already am playing taxi to pick him up from the bar and Gordon's. And if it meant more money in the pot I certainly would make time to take him where he needs to be. He can't get his driver's license back until he pays the $2000 in fines which he is not likely to do anytime soon because he doesn't have much of an income to do it with. I need to find a way to make earning money more urgent for him. Kicking him out wouldn't save me any money. I think seeing the bare facts in front of him will help some. One thing I have recognized is that he is not a very forward thinking person. He doesn't have goals and things he wants to accomplish. This makes it very difficult to motivate him. He just wants to be happy. And the less conflict the better.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
12 Sep 11
Can you continue to do this long term? I understand he has some issues but he has to put forth more effort for the sake of your relationship.
For starters I would say you no longer want to "play taxi" to Gordons and maybe that will get him to stop going there. If he opts to doing so and gets into further trouble then he really is not taking his situation seriously.
Sadly we can't change people, as they have to make the changes because they want to. You will have to do/say something because it will not get better on it's own. Try and sit calmly with him and explain all your feelings. I do hope he listens, for the sake of your relationship.
@Lauriedk (49)
•
12 Sep 11
I enjoy making it possible for him to do what he wants to do. I have alot of quirky habits such as staying up all night at my computer, collecting animals(rats and snakes) and not doing much cooking/cleaning. He lets me do what I want to do and we pretty much exist together in a shared space. I like it when he gets to do something for himself. I am just having issues with the fact that his bills are not getting paid. I don't mind paying more than he does but we made an agreement about what his share is. He is not meeting it with what he is doing. I can say that he needs to do something different but I really can't think of anything that would make the needed increase in his income. What I have been doing is creating more income myself and putting it in the pot. The problem with this is that I am beginning to resent him for not putting in his share. I know he wants to do something about it but he is just as clueless as I am as for what to do.
@GemmaR (8517)
•
12 Sep 11
I have a boyfriend who earns more than me at the moment, and I think it's unfair that he expects for me to pay equal amounts into the bills. I don't work any less hours than him, it's just that he happens to get more money for the hours that he does work because I am self employed and he works for an actual company. Our rent is $600 per calendar month, and he expects for me to pay $300 of that, as he thinks that everything should be equal. The thing is though, I only earn $500 per month and after I've paid for half of everything including the bills I have no money left for myself, whereas he has over $1000 a month left for him to spend on things that he wants. I have been trying to get him to pay more, as I do most of the work around the house as well, but he wasn't really all that keen on the idea. So I suppose that I am just going to have to work harder and see if I can earn a little bit of extra spending money for myself.
@bobmnu (8157)
• United States
12 Sep 11
I would suggest that you start by cutting way back on your food bill. Start serving low cost foods that he does not like and tell him that after paying the bills this was all you could afford for meals. Tell him to go to the local food pantry and see if they have more food.
Do not fill the car with gas. Put in only what you think you will need for the day and when he complains tell him that there is no money.
In other words make his not paying his share (which I think should be 50%) uncomfortable and inconvenient. You will be giving him a good swift Kick in the ars without doing it. He needs to see that things are tough.
I he has any pride he will get a job and help out if not maybe you have to considering leaving him as he may never change. If he has food, shelter and the comforts of home why should he work.
@voracious (624)
• Philippines
12 Sep 11
I think it's a sign of irresponsibility of your husband. If he loves you and responsible enough he should obligate himself to give his part to you since that's the nature of husband as a good provider.
