Her mother's lover is her boyfriend's uncle
By bingskee
@bingskee (5234)
Philippines
September 20, 2011 3:18am CST
Someone called up this DJ and relates her situation where her mother's lover is her boyfriend's uncle. 
Skipping the DJ's advise, I think I could understand the caller's concern. She finds it awkward to see someone in the house she knows personally, probably staying in their house after her mother and the uncle gets married. It is really awkward that she knows the man.
The caller is a young girl in her late teens. She sounded disapproving about her mother's decision. She wished it is another man, not the uncle of her boyfriend.
Seeing the whole situation, there is probably nothing wrong. But as the saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt. Something must have felt not right for her when she thinks and feels that the uncle of the boyfriend is already family. Being her mom's lover puts her in an awkward situation.
What do you think about it?
Skipping the DJ's advise, I think I could understand the caller's concern. She finds it awkward to see someone in the house she knows personally, probably staying in their house after her mother and the uncle gets married. It is really awkward that she knows the man.
The caller is a young girl in her late teens. She sounded disapproving about her mother's decision. She wished it is another man, not the uncle of her boyfriend.
Seeing the whole situation, there is probably nothing wrong. But as the saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt. Something must have felt not right for her when she thinks and feels that the uncle of the boyfriend is already family. Being her mom's lover puts her in an awkward situation.
What do you think about it?1 person likes this
9 responses
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
23 Sep 11
could it be possible? 
well, let's hope that time will come so she can be more than happy. 
well, let's hope that time will come so she can be more than happy. 
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
22 Sep 11
I personally wouldn't see anything wrong with this kind of situation, but that is probably because of the fact that I've seen a lot of more twisted situations in my life. For example, it has just came into light that my husband's cousin that is closest in age to himself might actually also be his half sister (my husband has never met his biological father and his cousin has never met hers either). Or there is the fact that when I was dating my ex, his father got upset about the fact that I would give D the time of day but I would never give R the time of day.
1 person likes this
@LadyDulce (830)
• United States
20 Sep 11
I don't see a problem with it at all, lol. Then again, when my ex and I were together, my sister was seeing his nephew. And we all lived in the same house. But it wasn't awkward - it was just like a big family. Little girl needs to leave her mama's business alone, in my opinion. I can see how it might be creepy if the mother was dating the boyfriend's father, but that isn't the case at all.
1 person likes this
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
20 Sep 11
I can see why this would be an awkward situation for the girl. She might think that it is more awkward with her boyfriend because of it. And maybe some of the discomfort is because she knows guys will talk and her mom may be the object of the discussion. But it seems like a matter that can be worked out if they all sit down and talk about it sensibly!
1 person likes this
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
20 Sep 11
Although matters of the heart are so uncontrolled sometimes, I can really see how uncomfortable she is with the situation.
She probably feels that the boyfriends uncle is already like an uncle to her. This subconsciously to her makes it seem like her mother is dating her own uncle. I probably would also feel the same way but with time, I am sure I would grow to accept, but will not be easy as I think I would be uneasy for a long time.
As you stated above yes sitting down and discussing can help but the thing is, that whichever the reason, it is in her heart and I think she will feel uneasy for a very long time. Now being that it is her "boyfriends" uncle and she is not married to her partner, maybe with time it may make it easier but then they may not last. So really, though again I personally think it would be hard, she will grow to accept that whomever her mother loves she cannot control it.
@00fear (3216)
• United States
20 Sep 11
In a way I don't think there isn't anything wrong with that because they are 2 different persons, is not like the girl is her boyfriend's uncle's girlfriend. It's her mom who is with him and should pick whoever she likes. They are 2 different couples. Anyways, the girl shouldn't feel like this about her mom. And also, its not like the girl and her boyfriend cannot go out and do all the normal boyfriend and girlfriend stuff.
@buddha3 (1026)
• India
20 Sep 11
Well, there may be some reason for the girl to be uncomfortable with this fact. It may also be that she doesn't know the exact reason for her disapproval!! But in my view, I don't think there is anything wrong with her mother's relationship or the girl could do anything about it. Can she choose a partner for her mother? NO!
she must take it in a good sense and enjoy her life with her boyfriend and let her mother enjoy with hers!
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
20 Sep 11
bingskee,
I believe you can blame the daughter's awkwardness and her prerogatives when it is being influenced by her conservative and feudalistic environment.
Asians are very conservative and no matter how much the Western culture has been around - we still have our own traditions and cultures which remains deep in our hearts. So, it is not entirely the girl's fault here when people will just talk injuriously without any due consideration.
However, I wonder if the girl has ever thought what is actually best for her mother when she is unable to be around her mother when she has her own family. Also, she has forgotten that her mother will be facing the slanders than her for this decision of hers. Being in such a society, I am sure her mother will be equally wary of the local cultures and tongues, which she would have prepared herself when she decided on her partner.
I felt that she should talk to her mother and try to understand her mother than talking on the radio show with the rest of this tongue wagging society. I felt that the society or world may not understand her mother but she should be understanding in this case.
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
22 Sep 11
bingskee,
There's an old Chinese saying that says: "When one tries to explain (voluntarily) the other party might see it as trying to hide the truth" - which is probably where the girl's mother position is.
On the hand, I have to disagree with you that the daughter is relatively too young to approach the mother to talk. I have to say that she is rather caught up with her misguided ideology or impression of the general majority from approaching her mother. Besides, I do not see any reason to hinder a mother and daughter talk other than the reluctance created some negative cultural influence.
Sad isn't it?
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
21 Sep 11
all of what you have pointed out play a big role.
contradictory to the idea that she should talk to the mother, i think i see it that the mother should taken the initiative. her daughter is younger, at lost, and did not know what to do. perhaps, she had not thought of the ill effect as more to her mother than herself, being misguided. perhaps. she was thinking it is a confusing scenario, and there is no one explaining to her the fact.
as to calling a radio station, though it is practically detestable for some of us, i do believe she really felt helpless. the mother should have explained things to her and not leaving her sounding fearful.
thank you for the thoughts.
contradictory to the idea that she should talk to the mother, i think i see it that the mother should taken the initiative. her daughter is younger, at lost, and did not know what to do. perhaps, she had not thought of the ill effect as more to her mother than herself, being misguided. perhaps. she was thinking it is a confusing scenario, and there is no one explaining to her the fact.
as to calling a radio station, though it is practically detestable for some of us, i do believe she really felt helpless. the mother should have explained things to her and not leaving her sounding fearful.
thank you for the thoughts. 1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8858)
• Singapore
22 Sep 11
bingskee,
There's an old Chinese saying that says: "When one tries to explain (voluntarily) the other party might see it as trying to hide the truth" - which is probably where the girl's mother position is.
On the hand, I have to disagree with you that the daughter is relatively too young to approach the mother to talk. I have to say that she is rather caught up with her misguided ideology or impression of the general majority from approaching her mother. Besides, I do not see any reason to hinder a mother and daughter talk other than the reluctance created some negative cultural influence.
Sad isn't it?
