Do you feel you are a follower, an individual, or a leader?
@chrystaltears (3392)
United States
September 22, 2011 10:33pm CST
I began life being a follower. I was never a leader. Never had the self confidence. It is strange tho, my sister was a born leader, and my daughter is a born leader. You would think my sister's daughter was mine and my daughter was my sister's.
How do you feel about yourself in this. Can you say why you feel or know you are this way?
2 people like this
17 responses
@jazzyrae (1745)
• United States
23 Sep 11
i would consider my self an individual i like to form my won oppinions. I like to have my own thoughts. I am by no means a leader at all. I am very much not a follower though i really dislike people who spend their whole lives chasing after the dreams and opinions of others
1 person likes this
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
23 Sep 11
That is alot like I am. Yes, you worded it well, chasing after the dreams and opinions of others. I have never been like that. Will never be like that. When followers go along with a leader at times, they even do negative, and say negative things if the leader is doing so. And to me, that is fighting to belong.
Or else why, would some voluntarily be unkind to someone just because the leader is. They are afraid if they don't go along, they will feel alone. I know the feeling, because I am not that way. I would never hurt someone just because someone I want to hang out with or approve of me wants me to.
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
23 Sep 11
My sister, a year older than myself, was very popular. I was, on the other hand, very shy and had not a bit of self esteem.
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@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
23 Sep 11
Hi! chrystaltears, i would like to share that when i was younger or during my student days, i was never a leader, i could not remember even once that i became a leader. When i graduated from college, i was forced to work in a Non-Government Organization and i was given a job where i had to decide on my own, organize people and implement projects on my own. This experience has taught me a lot of things including how to be a good leader.I am 52 years old already and i have managed a lot of projects and currently, i am the head of the family planning department in the NGO i am working with.
So i could say that there is no person that is born a leader, all of us can become a leader, only if we try.
1 person likes this
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
23 Sep 11
I was in the military at one time, and I was made section chief. I don't think I did a good job at that at all. I never felt like my decisions were good ones, and I still would not be a good leader if the opportunity was set in front of me right now. I have been rediculed most of my adult life by a loved one, and it has caused me to feel little of myself. My daughter's okay tho, but I made sure to never do or say some of the things that were done or said to me.
I am proud for you that you are a leader. That is a good thing. Keep up the good work. You should be proud!
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
23 Sep 11
We can both be a follower and a leader at the same time. I understand that what happened to you before has done a lot of damaged in your self esteem, but its not yet too late, i am sure you are a leader in your household, say you can tell your kids to do something you want them to do. I am sure also that your decision in your family affairs, matters a lot too. All of us mothers are leaders in our own little ways. I am sure you can be a leader, just be confident and believe in yourself.![](/Content/images/emotes/thumbup.gif)
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1 person likes this
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
23 Sep 11
Many of the things you say are true, and it is true I was the leader in my daughter's life, and a good one. I knew many things for her not to do!
Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. They mean alot. I am feeling hurt tonight, and that is why I started the discussion. Followers really upset me sometimes and I have been hurt by them and their weaknesses.
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@ElicBxn (63394)
• United States
24 Sep 11
It was pointed out to me a few years ago that I have probably been depressed my whole life... but that's neither here nor there...
I tell a story (maybe you've heard this one from me before) that there was this flock of sheep and the leader every year lead them down to be shorn... well, this one sheep said, as they got to the gate - I don't want to have my fleece shaved off, I'm just not going to follow him this year - and turned and went away... then looking back discovered that the rest of the flock was following him... I'm kind of like that sheep, sometimes I discover that others follow me because they really didn't want to do what the leader wanted to do but they weren't going to break from the leader without someone else leading them...
1 person likes this
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
25 Sep 11
Ohhh! I love that! No, I hadn't seen you write it before. That is so good!
Maybe that has happened to me, I am not sure. I do know that for example, because I am an individual, I was working and the boss told the secretary to tell us if we wanted to work on Labor Day (or Memorial Day), not sure. Anyways, she said we could work on that day if we wanted. So, I worked, and so did most of us. There were about 10 or 8 of us.
Well, on payday, that pay for the day in subject, was not on the check. The other girls found the same was missing on their paychecks. I heard nagging and grumbling and crap the whole time.
When the boss came in later, I went to her and told her she had left the pay for that day off my check. She said it was because she had told us we could work. She didn't mean she would pay us. I said, now, who is going to work for 8 hours just for the heck of it knowing we are not getting paid. I said, I worked and I expect to get paid. She said, well, all I have to do is look at the phone bill and I can tell if you worked. I said, exactly. So I expect my pay. She said she would put it on the check two weeks from that day. I said, no, you will pay me now, cause I worked that day for this check. I got paid.
I didn't tell the other girls. They didn't say anything to the boss about their checks and continued grumbling and never got paid.
1 person likes this
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
24 Sep 11
I can't believe I skipped over your response earlier. I apologize. You sound kind of like me. I am definitely a loner nowadays, but I chalk that up to the depression I have been going through for the last few years.
I also lack the termperament to be a leader. We have those things in common.
1 person likes this
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@CelticSoulSister (1640)
• Southend-On-Sea, England
25 Sep 11
I'm definitely an individual. I'll do something the crowd are doing, but only if it's what I want to do at that time, and it's my choice...e.g. I don't do it just because that's what everyone else is doing. As for leading, I quite frankly can't be bothered as i feel that people have to find their own levels and their own answers in life. Not sure why I'm this way...perhaps having led my formative years during the 1960s gave me a sense of inner freedom? That might not be the right reason, but it's the only one I can think of.
1 person likes this
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
26 Sep 11
I like the way you think. Cause I will follow the crowd if what they are doing is good or something that needs to be done. I have always thought I would like to be a leader, but it is just not in me. God didn't put it there for me, except at church. He places me in leadership in church and gives me the character to to what He wants me to do.
I can see where this way of thinking would give you a sense of inner freedom.
@allknowing (132209)
• India
23 Sep 11
I am a nonconformist by all standards. I will only do those things that suit me disregarding society norms taking care at the same time that my style of living does not inconvenience another. I always ask this question "Did society take your permission while setting those norms which suit a few. As a sequel to these thoughts I composed the following poem:
THE INVINCIBLE YOU
You need not be a committee member
To awaken people from their slumber
Your deeds, your actions play the role
To churn the feelings in a soul.
Wait not for praise nor fame
Alas it’s not worth the game
Just live your life a good one too
Let people see what you do
It spreads like fire just you wait
When it happens you feel great!
Live the word of divine life
There’s joy in struggle and in strife.
People watch the way you live
They feel happy when you give
You are the drop that makes the ocean
Keeping the world ever in motion
Society never consults you
Making rules that suit a few
Take the wand in your hand
And create for you a happy land
Worry not what people say
Please yourself in every way
Let not the world order you
To be happy is your due
You play your role as good as you can
Spreading kindness in your lifespan
Do your bit and do it well
Let your actions cast the spell!
And when the day comes to part
You can say it from your heart
I have been fair, truthful and kind.
A better world I’ve left behind
1 person likes this
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
23 Sep 11
Oh my gosh, allknowing! That is awesome. It is beautiful and it is deep. I love it! Please tell me that you have your poem published someplace. A good reputable place. I know you do. I hope you didn't give it to one of the article sites on here. You need to own that and earn from it. Oh, if only I had your gift. You should be so proud of that. It says everything that needs to be said.
I love 'you are the drop that makes the ocean'. That poem has really touched me. Could you possibly pm that to me? No, that's okay. I can copy and paste it. You don't mind do you. It is just soooo good. I have to have it. I want to have it printed in a pretty way, and have it in MY HOUSE in an attractive frame.
Thanks so much for that. I needed it!
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
23 Sep 11
If you do that allknowing, you have to let me know. I have to have it. Okay? Promise? I would be more than honored to purchase one. Yo have a gift!
@allknowing (132209)
• India
23 Sep 11
I have not taken it seriously and have been generously distributing my compositions just like I have done here. I have them all in a cd. May be one day when I have a sufficient number I could publish them where I will be truly appreciated. Thanks for your encouragement.
1 person likes this
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@163Mandolingirl (1052)
•
23 Sep 11
Hello, Chrystaltears
I've just been reading all the posts and I'm sorry you have been feeling so low. I'm sending you Love, Light, Healing and Peace about the situations you have found yourself in. Know that we are all loved and valued even though sometimes that love doesn't come from where we expect it to.
I no longer dance to anyone's tune. My life has taught me many hard lessons but I now completely trust my own instinct and intuition about both people and situations.
Blessings! ![](/Content/images/emotes/niceday.gif)
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1 person likes this
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
24 Sep 11
Thank you so much. That is so nice of you to say.
Yes, if you are not a fool, you do learn from the experiences and hardships you go through. My daughter once asked me why it was so difficult for her to get what she wanted when many people she knew just always got what they wanted with no problems whatsoever.
I told her she was blessed, because she would have to look up, and those others never would.
1 person likes this
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
11 Oct 11
Thank you for saying that to me Mandolingirl. That is so sweet. Everyone needs to hear something like that about themselves from time to time. The problem is most people just don't think that deeply enough to know to do so. Thank you again.![](/Content/images/emotes/blush.gif)
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@163Mandolingirl (1052)
•
5 Oct 11
That was very wise of you, Chrystaltears!
I woke up this morning with a saying from my Great Grandfather, who I never knew in this life but have heard from in Spirit (I'm a Medium): 'Never look for the flaws as you go through life. But when you find them, it is wise and kind to be somewhat blind, and look for the virtue behind them.'
Of course your daughter is blessed. She has you for a Mother! ![](/Content/images/emotes/niceday.gif)
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@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
25 Sep 11
Perhaps this is why you can't say no lol.
Zoology tells us there are alpha beasts, leadrs, and beta beasts, their deputies, and the rest are followers. But many species have a category of beast who will not fit any of those, the outsiders I like to think of them as.
I am an outsider: I will follow someone if they can earn my respect, particularly intellectually, but not automatically and they have to be pretty special. I believe I have the knowledge and intelligence to lead, but others don't react to me as a leader, I don't have any charisma and my body shape and staure lead people to dismiss me (just another fat old fart). If they try to react to me as a deputy or a follower, I will ignore them unless they mostly agree with my perception of the issues at question. So, I end up permanently on the outside, usually being critical. Unfortunately, this gets me a reputation as a troublemaker and my criticisms are ignored. These days I don't bother much, just live separately from the normal social interactions.
Lash
1 person likes this
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
25 Sep 11
You expressed yourself very well. I felt very strongly in there that you were describing me and my character. I could not have explained it that well.
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
23 Sep 11
i am an individual who is both a follower and a leader. i believe in the saying that to be a good leader, one has to be a follower.
i was raised in a poor family and striven hard to do things on my own. the challenges probably had molded me into being a strong-willed individual.
1 person likes this
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
24 Sep 11
Yes. I agree all the way on that. That was what I was talking about above to about my daughter not understanding the challenges she had to face in life when other people her age or not did not have to withstand most of the challenges she did. I have always told her it would make her a better person and she would have compassion for others that she would not have otherwise.
@shibham (16977)
• India
23 Sep 11
I am neither a follower nor a leader.... i am an individual and wish to live the same because i truly believe that everybody in this world is unique and vivid. I have self determination which i think my plus point to be an individual. Have a nice time.
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
24 Sep 11
I agree wholeheartedly with you on that point. I wish everyone could be individuals also, but I bet it would be impossible for us to go on if we weren't needed much by all the other people or some of them we know.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
23 Sep 11
I could be a follower and i could be a leader also. But for sure i am an individual who does things on my own without having to ask the assistance of others for things i do.
If in a group , i can be a follower, if what the group decided is also of my thought and liking. But once i know that it would fail, i could also lead them to a better plan. It's a case to case decision.
But what i am sure is , i am an individualistic person. I do things on my own.
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1 person likes this
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
24 Sep 11
That is a very good response. It sounds to me like you have yourself together and know who you are. I admire that you can take these positions when a situation calls for it. We need more like you. I am working on being more like that myself. I need to hurry. I mean, I am not a kid anymore by any means.
@isloooboy (1733)
• United Arab Emirates
23 Sep 11
I think I am a Team Player :D who have the capacity to work as follower which can work in his individual capacity and can shine within a team and have the capacity, courage, skills and passion to become a strong leader. So now you tell me what you think about me? can I have the ability to go through the whole process with ease and comfort?
1 person likes this
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
24 Sep 11
Sounds to me like you have it all. It is great to feel that good about yourself and have that kind of confidence also. It is good to have the passion to be a strong leader too, which would cause someone to want to follow through and be able to do what they long for. I wish you the best. You sound like a very strong, independent person.
@naseemkum (1803)
• India
23 Sep 11
As i want to say i want to feel those three stages. When i born till my young age im a follower of my dad he is a first leader to me. As im at my 25 now i seems to be individual had ability to choose correct decisions. Then i want to be a leader to my son as what my father did to me.
1 person likes this
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
24 Sep 11
Sounds very good, and sounds like by choosing your father's way, you have found a good act to follow. Good for you and I wish you the best!
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
23 Sep 11
I never been a follower. Already as a kid I was not, I did not, I preferred to be alone and do it my way. I never believed just by the word what others said, no matter if it was about religion, life experience. I am a great organizer and leader, people do follow me but I do think I am and individual. People might need me but I don't need them. I can solve my own problems, always did already as a kid. I never had the problems other people have with their kids or at work or what ever. I know myself too good that I know what kind of job I am good at or whit what kind of people I can work together (or not at all).
1 person likes this
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
24 Sep 11
You do definitely sound like a leader. I believe people would follow you in your good decisions. It is good that you have all of the qualities than you mentioned. I can't imagine not needing anyone. I sometimes wish I didn't need anyone, but if I said I didn't, me, myself, would be telling something that wasn't true at all. I am a needy person, right now anyway. \
Now, I am very independent, but there are times I need others.
It is good that you have never had the problems with kids or at work also. You have been very blessed!
@best2011 (210)
•
23 Sep 11
actually i think that im a leader the reason is simple that i have very few role models and basically i try to make my own plans .. im selfish kind of person so im not motivated by the other leaders .. im only motivated by myself .. so thats why i can call myself leader on the other im always ready to share my expereince with the other people .. so these are some of the things due to which i think that im more like a leader than the follower .. basically many younger siblings and friends follow my style etc ..
1 person likes this
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
24 Sep 11
It is good that other people would like to be more like you and that people look up to you like your younger siblings. I hope you are showing them the good ways to go, which I am sure you are.
It is good that you can motivate yourself and take on life yourself when need be. It is a great asset for anyone to have.
@padu19 (1441)
• India
23 Sep 11
Well, I feel I have all these characteristics. So does everyone. Depending on our situation we keep changing our role. I follow when I do not know what has to be done and when someone is there to guide me through the crisis. I am individual when I put forth my opinion. I am a leader when I take the role of guiding and leading people around me, with the little knowledge that I have.
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@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
23 Sep 11
That is a way to look at it. I guess that is true in all people. Once you said that, I can see in certain circumstances if you are with people and you are the only one who has sthe knowledge of something imparticular, you would lead there. And follow otherwise if the shoe were on the other foot, so to speak.
But, my opinion on your response is that you sound like and individual.
@mensab (4200)
• Philippines
23 Sep 11
I admire those people who recognize that they are born leader. i never have this kind of thought or idea. i think i am a follower and individual. i have learned to follow as a kid who had parents who showed me the way. I trusted them and i followed them. knowing this, i also learned to lead others. if the situation calls for my action to lead, then i do it. but i am more of a follower and individual. i like to be independent and on my own at times.
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
23 Sep 11
That is great for you. It is good to have good people to follow.
I am glad that I do have my own thoughts and won't be lead by the wrong types of people, but I don't mind at all being lead by good people. If it takes being an individual to feel better about myself like the poem above, then I am glad I am.
@artistic_temper (83)
• Philippines
23 Sep 11
Growing up I didnt think I was leadership material. I was quite reserved and was content about working in the background. I knew that I was smart and intelligent, but I was happy to follow and support others. However, years ago I became a member of a church which taught me to be more confident. I became a leader of different ministries for many years and people have remarked that I had exceptional leadership qualities. I truly believe that to be a good leader, one has to learn from being a good follower first. Being a good follower first allows me to submit to those even higher than me. Leaders are not always born, they can also be made and molded from people who never thought they could lead as well.
@chrystaltears (3392)
• United States
24 Sep 11
You know, when I am staying in church on a regular basis and walking according to the word, I have much more confidence in myself--what I do, what I say, everything. I notice that I can express myself more freely and am listened to with interest, because I am not fumbling with my words.
I also was over ministries in church and did a very good job. That's what I need, to get back in church like I was before. I have back slid in my attitude and personality. Thanks for reminding me what I need to do. I have known it, and have asked people to pray that I would get back in church and in the word like I used to be, but so far, I haven't made myself do it.
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