my problem areas as a wife
By verolop29
@verolop29 (1096)
United States
September 24, 2011 12:38am CST
I wouldn't really call them my problem areas..just some things I, as a wife, need to work on. For almost 10 yrs I have been married to the same man. He still the same man but lately he's grown lazy. I have asked him to help me out a little more and when he does, i give him a hug and a kiss or a message on his sholders..u know my way of thanking him for helping me. But as he does it he tends to bang stuff and mumble under his breath. I HATE that and i let him know. But i dont do any of that. Im not saying im perfect but does he really have to be the one causing all the mess! whew ok so number 1 communication. I dont talk to him as much as i want. It was how i was raised. But Im still working on that. Usually I tend to assume things. Like when i would kiss him in the morning, he didn't want to so Id assume he didn't love me. Then one day i asked him y. and he said he doesn't like kissing me when he has bad breath. ok i understand. so i let that go. 2no burning a hole in the flore-anymore. Its because when i do try to go down that road with him i always FREAK OUT. and i dont tell him. no way. imagine telling ur partner that u couldn't fulfil certain things with him becasue of ur past. i cant with him..bcuz i still think he's my dad, that he's gonna hurt me. for days i just couldn't sleep for fear that he was gonna creap into my bed and try something..but i cant tell him about THAT. he'll hate my family even more. its also becuase he says he doesnt want the girls interupting us.. not that im begging him to take me! but i love him. is it possible to lvoe someone without doing the...umpalumpa? YES! it is.3i cant handle money. any money i have goes to bills and things he calls useless.4 keeping secrets. like i LOVEEE dr pepper. Ineed to have one at least every day. this week i have not HAD ONE. and he hasn't had a beer. so today he went to get some. he bought me a generic brand but he got his fav brand MODELO. ugh! so when he does this i go out alone and buy me a dr pepper and he gets a little upset and then he starts yapping!5 i need to be tough. not let ppl walk all over me. thats kinda why i dont have any friends. they want to take advantage of me and he steps in and says something to them. Im soo glad he does that! so is it wrong for me to feel this way?
7 responses
@eurekafemme (5877)
• Philippines
24 Sep 11
Hello.
You have been married with the same man for 10 years, dear! and it isn't a surprise that you are facing certain issues being his wife.
I am also a wife for 5 years and yet I have more things to complain about my marriage with the same man.
This man I married is a certified slob and lazy. I keep telling him what to do and how to do it even if he has been doing it for ages already. I used to complement him if he did something for me but eventually I became tired, too.
We used to communicate a lot until one day,he told me it is difficult to convey feelings thru text or call and that things are not about us anymore. So, I stop talking to him about us, what else to talk about when the very core of our existence do not exist anymore. Other topics are less appealing to me eversince.
He has hang-ups he can not seem to forget and let go. This is the issue that we can not find a solution until now. His past is haunting us and I am left always in a painful situation.
He likes spending his money, so no issues about money. He likes to buy branded names and I don't . But there are times, he would buy me expensive stuff, too and I am the one who fret about it. Why? Because we have a goal to save. And if we continue spending his money the way we are , we will end up empty handed when rainy days come.
Secrets, oh yes. He has been hiding secrets from me always and almost all the times.
We have deeper and greater issues in life than you currently have.
No, it is not wrong or you are not wrong feeling that way. It is normal. As we grow older with our partner, age, hormonal change or practically change influenced us with the way we must react and perceive certain situations.
You need to figure out what to do. But, I guess, your husband is lucky to have someone like you. Be patient, my dear.
You have been married with the same man for 10 years, dear! and it isn't a surprise that you are facing certain issues being his wife.
I am also a wife for 5 years and yet I have more things to complain about my marriage with the same man.
This man I married is a certified slob and lazy. I keep telling him what to do and how to do it even if he has been doing it for ages already. I used to complement him if he did something for me but eventually I became tired, too.
We used to communicate a lot until one day,he told me it is difficult to convey feelings thru text or call and that things are not about us anymore. So, I stop talking to him about us, what else to talk about when the very core of our existence do not exist anymore. Other topics are less appealing to me eversince.
He has hang-ups he can not seem to forget and let go. This is the issue that we can not find a solution until now. His past is haunting us and I am left always in a painful situation.
He likes spending his money, so no issues about money. He likes to buy branded names and I don't . But there are times, he would buy me expensive stuff, too and I am the one who fret about it. Why? Because we have a goal to save. And if we continue spending his money the way we are , we will end up empty handed when rainy days come.
Secrets, oh yes. He has been hiding secrets from me always and almost all the times.
We have deeper and greater issues in life than you currently have.
No, it is not wrong or you are not wrong feeling that way. It is normal. As we grow older with our partner, age, hormonal change or practically change influenced us with the way we must react and perceive certain situations.
You need to figure out what to do. But, I guess, your husband is lucky to have someone like you. Be patient, my dear.
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
24 Sep 11
Eureka! You appear to have found a person who appears to be in a more or less same situation as you.
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
27 Sep 11
yea i keep asking myself how much longer can i deal with this and i think i have found a solution. tell myself that things could be a lot worse. i know im not the only one in this predicament. he could beat me but he doesnt. he is out of work and im working at home but things are tight and i feel that if i hurt the bank acc itll hurt him.....but WRONG THINKING. its not just gonne hurt him its gonna hurt us all as a family. so ihave been thinking, pretend he doesnt exist. that might work. i am not gonna stress anymore. ive got wrinkles and white hair...im gonna be in a calm and calm state frome now on! oh maybe this is where i can try to be a b**ch!
@naija4real (1291)
•
24 Sep 11
Marriage is not an easy union. it requires a lot of sacrifice from both of you. You need to spend time to iron out areas of differences and learn to be tolerant of each other short coming.
@oby28880 (14)
•
24 Sep 11
As a person, who says that marriage is a bed of roses? remember that even roses have thorns.what am i saying, its two different people from different background, religion ,and even color coming together to live as husband and wife so, the differences must be their.its left for the couple to understand each other and iron out their difference
@walking2010 (1009)
• United States
24 Sep 11
Hello,
Honey I am going to tell you that it's going to be ok, none of us is perfect, that's the first thing you have to understand, you seem like you feel bad about everything that you do wrong, and that you made a mistake and I can say that because I feel like that sometime, all we can do is work on it, and your husband should love you for that. We all make mistakes, but it'show we deal with them and handle them.
2nd you have to stop making your husband responsible for what you father did, see what is happening now, is that you had this happen to you and as you grew older in life you tried to forget about it and move on with your life and forget about it, problem is you never forgot, and now that this is your husband he deserves to know what happened to you, because not only is it affecting you now but it's affecting him because when you all got married you became one under one household, because when he wants to do that thing with you, you draw back and he is going to start to wonder why.
Who knows your husband might be able to help you through this, who knows and it seems that there is a lot of miscommunication there and you and him have to figure out if you want to go another 10years like this, apparently not for you because you are writing for help, or advice so you feel some type of way about this situation. So it's a problem.
And as for you being a doormat, naw child you have to speak up and be brave you don't have to be a butt hole but you can do everything in a nice tone of what you want. You all ever thought about renewing your vowels? maybe you guys need a fresh start. I can go on and on but at the end of the day the choice and dicissions are yours.
@chicksdigscars (5483)
•
27 Sep 11
i really have nothing else to say.. walking said it all.. couldn't have said it better myself!!
@cowgirl03051979 (918)
• United States
24 Sep 11
maybe the two of you should sit down and talk about things i think you should be honest with him about your family i dont want to jump to conclusions but when i was a little girl my dad cheated on my mom and even though i was young i still remember the he acted rather distant (kind of like he is to you) right before he finally left us maybe he is just bored with your relationship every now and then my boyfriend and i just go out on a date and it feels like the first date when we were young it helps to remind us just how much we love each other
@silpatenneti (72)
• India
24 Sep 11
I am not yet married,so just i can say my thought only.i think you guys just need a break,take some holiday and go around,tours,picknicks or else.when there is a change in your daily life,may be it makes you better.all the best
@verolop29 (1096)
• United States
27 Sep 11
i agree! i just hope when u do marry, this man will be the eright person for u!
@NYRican (82)
• United States
24 Sep 11
I've been married for 11 years and yes we've had our ups and downs, as every other marriage has. One good piece of advice I can give you is that, the things that happened in your past and still affects you today need to be some how let go of.
The only way I was able to let go of my past issues and I had similar issues like you was for me to talk about it I had to tell someone I told my mother about it. She told me it wasn't my fault and she asked me to forgive her for not being able to help me. I felt lik a burden was lifted off my shoulders, like I was free from it and in a way I was.
I also told my husband because it was affecting my life with him. My husband felt really hurt for me and completely understood why I was the way I was. He gave me understanding and support with my decisions. Now it doesn't affect me anymore. It no longer has power over me, as if the wind blew away the words as I spoke them taking it all away from me.
For me talking about my problems and getting advice and different points of views always makes me feel better and helps me to forget all about them.
I wish you all the best :)
