I need help with styling my tough hair!

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I have a medium length afro that's too heavy to stand so it droops over that I can't do anything with! I got a relaxer in it years ago and it damaged my hair so badly that I had to shave it off and regrow it. Now it's longer than it's ever been and it has a mind of its own. Even when I straighten it with a hot comb, within an hour it's back to crazy bird's nest. It's so thick that it breaks combs and hair picks so I have to get the expensive heavy duty ones so they'll survive it. It has moisture and is soft but it's just so thick and tightly curled, I can't do anything with it other than walk around with a crazy poof on my head. Can anyone help with suggestions? Are there some shampoos or creams I can use? Accessories I can add so I'll get some variety? I never had to do much with my hair before because since I was little I always had a small afro. Now all of a suddenly it finally decides to grow like weeds and I have a ton of hair I don't know what to do it. Also every time I go into a salon to get the ends trimmed, they suggest chopping half of it off to make a style with it and I don't want to hack off perfectly healthy hair just for the sake of making styling easier. My hairs growing finally which is something I've wanted for a long time, I like it and want to keep it.