Will you continue to chat with a guy if he?
By wongchoiyee
@wongchoiyee (7413)
Malaysia
September 28, 2011 12:28am CST
I have been making friends with a guy at WAYN who is a chinese guy 36 years old. He chatted with me after 7pm. At first, he asked me how am I doing and sort of knowing me questions like what kind of life partner he want, his hobbies, who is he staying with and his family and what he work as. Then I started telling him I have depression and family problems with him. He said last night, if you have no other topic to discuss i will log off now. He said it twice and finally log off. I feel that he wants me to talk rather than he talks. I find him a boring person. I find me also a boring lady. If you were me, will you continue to chat with him?
7 people like this
28 responses
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
28 Sep 11
If you find him boring and do not want to talk with him any more, then don't. However, when you started to talk about depression and your family problems, it sounds like you made him feel uncomfortable. Some people are not comfortable talking about those things, especially when they are first getting to know a person. He tried to let you know that he was uncomfortable by telling you that if you didn't have anything else to talk about, then he was going to log off. The fact that he had to say it twice suggests that you did not listen to what he was saying and respect his feelings, so he did as he said he was going to do and logged off. If that is the only reason that you do not want to talk to him any more, then I do not think that is right, although it is your decision. Think about this, though. If he were talking about a subject that made you uncomfortable and you asked him to change the topic or you were going to log off and he continued on anyway, how would it make you feel?
1 person likes this
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 11
I know but he is the one who make advances to me first, so why should a lady open up a conversation or topic to make the relationship work?
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
29 Sep 11
I am not sure that I am understanding what you are saying. You say that he "made advances towards you first" - that means that he was talking to you and asking you questions, right? People will ask general questions like "what is your family like?", and they expect general answers such as "I have three brothers and four sisters". They do not expect detailed information like "my brother has been married four years and is thinking about a divorce, because he found out his wife was cheating on him and is not sure whether or not their son is really his". What I am trying to say here is that giving out too much information right away is not usually a good thing, and it sounds like when you started talking about your depression and family problems it was just too much information too soon in the relationship for your friend. If you do not like that about him, then perhaps you two were not meant to be friends, because you both need to feel comfortable in any relationship ... friendship or more.
1 person likes this
@EdnaReyes (2622)
• Philippines
29 Sep 11
If there's nothing to talk about I will not bother to chat to anyone more if he is as boring as I am. Chatting is a pleasurable if the communication is mutual and engaging. That both parties benefit out of it by insights and valid opinions. It is way too of clearing depressions as you have someone to talk to. But if all is not present, chatting is a boring pastime.
1 person likes this
@keihimekawa (2009)
• Philippines
29 Sep 11
I can't help but agree on this! Lol! Chatting should be enjoyable for both parties. if you don't have anything to talk about, why chat in the first place? Chatting should be treated as a "pastime" and not "obligatory" :)
@Jlyn10 (11965)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 11
My opinion is ... if you find him boring, then chat with everybody else and not only him. After all, it's only chatting and it's not like you are doing anything behind his back since you are not committed to him and you have the right to still mix around and find more friends. 
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 11
@ chicksdigscars and jlyn10,
That's why he is so unpleasant to me. I just want to make friends with someone who is happy to be my friend.
1 person likes this
@chicksdigscars (5483)
•
28 Sep 11
i agree!! you aren't committed to him, chat to whoever you want!! if he wants to chat with you, brilliant, chat with him, but don't feel like you have to put all your attention onto such a boring person!!
1 person likes this
@chicksdigscars (5483)
•
28 Sep 11
you are not a boring lady! i enjoy reading your discussions very much! so don't think you are boring.
if the guy bores you, leave him to it! i mean why should he just decide when the conversation is over? the next time you are chatting with him, you should just say.. "if you have nothing else to talk about, I'M leaving now" and do the same thing to him, see how he likes it!
@chicksdigscars (5483)
•
28 Sep 11
yes i agree!! dont let him think you are all into him or he'll start trying to lay down the lay!!
@francesca5 (1344)
•
28 Sep 11
i would carry on talking to him wongchoiyee, he may just be shy and not very forthcoming, and therefore you have only accessed a small part of his personality so far. also, when we suffer from depression being able to talk to someone who really listens to you is a very good way of beginning to sort out our feelings. if he is a nice genuine polite man who is interested in listening to what you have to say i wouldn't pass on that, such men are rarer than they should be.
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 11
Yes I think he feel tired listening to me talking about depression and family problems. Is it not appropriate for me to talk such things in the beginning?
@francesca5 (1344)
•
28 Sep 11
the rules of communication on the internet are slightly different. the trouble with family problems and depression is that they are a very big problem to the person who has them, and they can sometimes take us over, and we could talk about them too much. so that may have been the problem. but the rules of the internet are sort of different, but its nice if you can bring something positive into the conversation as well. listening to people talking about their problems can get boring if the person doing the talking never seems to do anything, there is a difference between offloading your problems on to someone else, and talking it through to try and find solutions. but you seem, when talking about these problems on mylot, to be more interested in solving the problems than just talking about them, but don't overload him, but talking about solving a problem is probably ok.
@huilichan8 (1378)
• Singapore
28 Sep 11
How long hv you known him? If you just got to know him, it might not be a gd thing to tell him abt your depression and family problems.
How do you feel abt him? I mean do you feel anything for him? How much do you know abt him? Does it bother you that he is boring? Do you see him as a potential bf? What do you look for in a bf? Your answers to these questions might help you to decide whether you want to continue chatting with him.
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
29 Sep 11
I just knew him for a week. I don't feel anything for him yet but it bothers me that he is boring.
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
1 Oct 11
I see him online on WAYN yesterday but he did not instant message me, so I let it go.
@huilichan8 (1378)
• Singapore
29 Sep 11
I hv ever heard that a boring man tends to be more faithful.:) But I am not sure how true. You hv only known him for a wk and so it might be too early to tell. Maybe he's reserved or shy by nature? Whatever it is, pls give yourself more time to get to know him and vice-versa. Don't rush things.
@youless (112603)
• Guangzhou, China
29 Sep 11
It seems that this man is looking for a spouse. If you are not interested in it, it is fine that you don't talk with him any more. Or you can tell him that you just want to be friends and no more else. Sometimes being frank is important to avoid misunderstandings.
I love China
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
29 Sep 11
I think so. He said his life partner must be compromising, caring for the family and motherly love.
@alottodo (3056)
• Australia
29 Sep 11
I would be careful with people like that! when some one ask you so many questions about you I would be weary...please do not give any information about you... if he think you are boring then he can go and get lost! and no I won't chat with him any longer!
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
29 Sep 11
Yes when I started a topic, he kept on asking and I am not comfortable at all giving out too much information. Thanks dear, I know now to quit chatting with him...
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
5 Oct 11
Hello wongchoiyee, I think it's even greater to talk to some one whom you only considers a friend but there's nothing wrong if either feels boring not talking to each other. well, you can find other people to chat with, you can chat with me if you want i have a talk to some people who had problems too and you're not alone. I think mylot has a lot of people dealing with different problems right now.
Talking to some one isn't bad, if you don't have anything else to say then just be honest with him. most men are quiet and doesn't really talk that much.
I think it's even greater to talk to some one whom you only considers a friend but there's nothing wrong if either feels boring not talking to each other. well, you can find other people to chat with, you can chat with me if you want i have a talk to some people who had problems too and you're not alone. I think mylot has a lot of people dealing with different problems right now.
Talking to some one isn't bad, if you don't have anything else to say then just be honest with him. most men are quiet and doesn't really talk that much. @globaldoc (858)
• Philippines
29 Sep 11
I do not think I will continue to chat with someone I feel does not live up to my standards. In the first place, he might not be after the friendship at all. He would not have acted like that if he were looking for the friendship.
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
29 Sep 11
I feel that he is looking for a life partner rather than friends. This is sad that he categorized woman like me in a boring category.
@aghiuta (525)
• Canada
2 Oct 11
May be you should try to talk about more general topics in the beginning,like movies,books,sports,whatever it is interesting to you.May be if you find a subject that interests you both,you will not be bored,Also some people do not like to talk about really personal things in the beginning,when you are still total strangers.If you still do not find something in common and you are bored,then ,give it up,and move to the next person.
@keihimekawa (2009)
• Philippines
29 Sep 11
Whenever I find someone boring, I would just stop talking to that person and look for another person to talk to. Or, I'd just ignore him whenever he's online and just reply when he sends something to me.
The internet's a vast place to look for people to talk to. As long as you are not committed to that person, I don't see any problem on why don't look for other person to talk to. I think there are people online who shares the same interest as you. I'm sure you'll have a good discussion/communication with that sort of person one you meet him/her :)
@THR999 (24)
• India
28 Sep 11
When we listen to someone's interests they keep on saying.....And when we start about our life they just say STOP this topic or something....I would get angry first but then i will first think that what would i do if i were in his position....Then i will say to the other person that dont disrespect other's interests and hear to their's when they heard your's....
What would i do If i said that i would log off if you don't change topic/etc..??
Normally i don't do that kind of things (especially with friends)...I will hear to them as long as i can...And when i am angry or busy i will say them to Please stop this now we shall talk later......Even if they don't listen...then i will ignore them.....
Then later when i am pleasant i will read all that and send them a reply of my opinion/suggestion :D
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 11
That's the right attitude he should do as a gentleman...friend. I think he is just using me to fill up his empty time.
@stanley777 (9402)
• Philippines
25 Oct 11
I don't do much chatting on line. And if I do I only chat with immediate members of my family and close friends which I really knew.
If you find him boring then you should stop chatting with him. Most people don't give details of themselves especially to friends whom they just met on line. Because some people used this medium to trick others or may do something favorable to them.
So be careful in accepting friends you just met on line, I hope you know what I mean.
@fabsprecious (1565)
• United States
29 Sep 11
If you find the conversations with him boring and pointless and it seems like you don't share to many interests, then I wouldn't continue to chat with him. If you just met him, then why bother.
@sunli123 (538)
• China
28 Sep 11
I didn't encounter this before. Do you find the common views or interests between you during the talking? If not, just not chat with him unless he talks to you first. It's just my opinion.
@wongchoiyee (7413)
• Malaysia
28 Sep 11
Yes he always start the conversation first, but then I have to bring in a topic so that it won't be yes or no answer.
@ckciasigurl (2081)
• Italy
28 Sep 11
hi wongchoiyee if i were u better find another guy because honestly he is unfair because you are the only one who talked and tell stories and he is just listening to you and he didn't tells something about him that's not right.
