Miscommunication in waiting for each other
@ReverendShaggy (415)
Philippines
September 29, 2011 10:18pm CST
So I am not really sure if I titled this well enough but we will go with it anyway.
Lets say that you and your significant other share a computer and this computer is essentially an entertainment hub right. You know what I mean by having the music, books, TV shows and whatnot on it. You plan to watch some more episodes of a show you both enjoy together. Basically date time right. Now say everytime you are about to start it your significant other just walks off or leaves to go somewhere else in the house. So you are sitting there still waiting for them so you both can watch, since you are waiting you decide to do some other stuff to pass the time.
Now say you find out in a bit that they are mad at you because you aren't watching the show like the two of you planned. Now wait a minute you have been waiting for them to come over so you can start the show and they have been waiting for you to say you are done doing what you were doing and let them know you are done. Now what you were doing is just killing time waiting for them to come over so you could start the show.
So there you are two people waiting for each other so you can both do the one thing you both wanted to do to begin with. Are you getting mad at each other during this time as well? That is quite possible. So What do you do? Do you try and talk it out? Do you just sit angry at each other all day? How do you resolve the misunderstanding from both sides when you both see it as the other's fault?
Throw your opinions and theories down in response if ya please. Let us have a pretty good conversation about this and enjoy it.
4 responses
@celticeagle (167071)
• Boise, Idaho
30 Sep 11
Two people do have two views. If this has gotten rather explosive I would write a letter. Try to be as tactful as possible. You have a right to your opinion as does the other person. Compromise sometimes is the thing. Ask if this other person could let you know what they are planning. And how it makes you feel when they don't.
@chicksdigscars (5483)
•
30 Sep 11
a letter is a good idea.. sometimes if i have a problem with my partner or i'm feeling down about something thats happened, i will write my partner a little letter and she reads it and usually fixes the problem, or talks to me about it with an argument because shes already read whats wrong before it gets any worse, or before heated words are exchanged.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (167071)
• Boise, Idaho
1 Oct 11
I think that with a note you can chose your words better than when speaking.
@ReverendShaggy (415)
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
Notes can be a very good way to convey what you want to say. I see the problem with that in me though because I am in general a sarcastic person and even write sarcastically. LOL It is so much harder to tell sarcasm in words compared to body language LOL
1 person likes this
@LoliRuri23 (251)
• Philippines
30 Sep 11
Good communication between partners helps avoids a lot of frustrations and fights.
I can really attest to this, when my husband and I were still dating, I tend to shut up and sulk whenever I feel angry or sad or pissed. And you know men, they are not as sensitive as women are.
So when you are quiet and sulking (especially in front of the computer or TV), they tend to think that you are enjoying yourself too much that you don't even give attention to them. When in truth you are actually angry at them, and that is the reason why you are ignoring them. See the big miscommunication in here? Then when you finally lost control and started shouting at them, they would say "what did I do?". And so you get even more angry. But the thing is, more often than not, they really have no idea why you are angry. So you have to spell it out to them, pin point exactly where it started.
Here are the techniques my husband and I use to settle an argument:
1. we talk about it (but we try to do this when I'm already calm, so I can hear his explanation)
2. we apologize to each other (for forgetting, for shouting, for saying things)
3. we write a letter when we can't express our feelings
4. we try to sweet talk each other
5. after a fight/argument, the one who did a wrong thing will have to pamper the other as punishment.
@ReverendShaggy (415)
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
Very good techniques you have developed there. Talkign from the male side on this though. For the most part I think you are right about spelling it out. Simply because a lot of times we aren't trying to upset anyone and simply have no idea what got our significant other mad at us to begin with. Then when we ask they get madder because we should know because we are the ones that got them mad.
@LoliRuri23 (251)
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
I know right?! =)
I actually learned this the hard way, and costs me 2 relationships. so when I met my special someone I told myself, I'm gonna be more expressive this time. and boy it made a big difference! we've been happily married for 3 years now. =)
@ReverendShaggy (415)
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
Well congrats on the happy marriage. I am also now with the most wonderful person in the world.
@omchesunche (1755)
• Indonesia
30 Sep 11
yes, sometimes it happened to me with my partner.. best thing is to sharing our hobby and also try to incorporate our partner ones..
@chicksdigscars (5483)
•
30 Sep 11
Lol I totally get this! And it happened to me the other day!!
My partner has this game on her laptop. It’s like little fuzzy coloured balls and you have to match them up in 3’s..but the lines on the board can only move certain ways. So anyway, she is really addicted to this and plays it all the time. And she was sitting playing awhile, whilst waiting for me to say “ok babe wanna watch this film now?” .. because she thought I was interested in what was currently on television.
I on the other hand, was sitting there.. venomously glaring at the television, so pissed off beyond all belief that she had forgotten about the movie!!
Now.. it didn’t escalate though.. because the minute she smiled at me, put her hand on my leg, or even breathed in my direction.. out came the words.. “so I take it we’re not watching this crappy movie then because I’ve a headache so I’m going to bed!”
With which she replied.. “ok babe, do you want me to get you some painkillers?” .. which got me even more angry. Because I thought she was choosing the game over the movie and enjoying that I’d a headache and didn’t want to watch it.. where as she thought I really had a headache and wanted to go to bed, and was just watching the end of a programme I was interested in.. which I wasn’t.
Well long story short, world war 3 broke out.. and the movie never ended up being watched. Although much to my delight, neither did the game end up being played.
Moral of the story?
Speak up in the first place!! Lol!!
@ReverendShaggy (415)
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
I agree speak up in the first place but like the situation I mentioned. Add in that you are sitting there waiting because you just discussed what you will do not 10 minutes ago and then you see your partner is now laying on the couch and looks to be asleep at least. Say you know their sleep schedule and think well I know your tired so I will let you sleep some and not bother ya.
