I'm a tattletale!
By mentalward
@mentalward (14690)
United States
October 5, 2011 11:51am CST
Yep, I am. I haven't tattled on anyone in decades. I mean, since I was little and usually tattled on my sister. But, I just did it again a few minutes ago.
My husband just got home on Sunday from being in the hospital for 5 days after having triple bypass surgery. The main reason he needed the surgery was because of his smoking. It caused massive blockages in his aorta and the main arteries in both legs and to one kidney. He drinks too much beer and eats an extremely unhealthy diet, too.
As long as he can't get out of the house (while his incisions heal), he's eating healthy because he has no choice but to eat what I prepare and I ALWAYS prepare healthy meals. He also can't get out to buy more cigarettes or beer, but he had some stashed away for after his surgery.
So, the first things he did when he got home from the hospital was to pick up a cigarette and a beer. He's been smoking and drinking since.
Now, he has a nurse (physical therapy) come by the house 3 times a week because he is not supposed to drive. Well, I just told her that he's still smoking, still drinking AND he just told me this morning that he's going to drive down to the corner store for more beer and cigarettes (1.7 miles from here). So, I tattled.
The nurse had no sooner sat down when I told her. She told my husband that she could no longer come to the house for his physical therapy if he drove anywhere as it voids the agreement. She said, if he can drive, he can get himself to physical therapy. She also asked him if he had a plan to quit smoking, like half a pack today, working down to 2 or 3 cigarettes before quitting entirely within a week or two. He said yes. I said no, he doesn't. He would have told me about his "plan" if he had one since I've been on his back about smoking since it is the major cause of his need for surgery. He never told me he had a plan, only that he was not ready to quit.
He's really angry with me now but, guess what? I don't care. 
Have you ever tattled on an adult, AS an adult? Were you a tattler when you were young, like I was? 
Have you ever tattled on an adult, AS an adult? Were you a tattler when you were young, like I was? 7 people like this
21 responses
@iceorigin (66)
• China
6 Oct 11
I strongly agree with what U have done.And I can understand what you think.You care for your husband's health.Maybe you can have a healthy discard on your husband's anger.There must be one day when he understand you.
3 people like this
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
5 Oct 11
In this case, I don't think being a tattletale was all that bad. You're concerned about your husband's health and if he's being untruthful to his nurse, then as his wife I believe you have the right to step in since he's interfering with his health. I know I would do the same for my boyfriend just because I want to see him healthy. I'm sure your husband will eventually get over it and understand that you're only trying to keep him healthy.
2 people like this
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
5 Oct 11
I'm about to give up, actually. No one can get through to him. He's the most pigheaded man I've ever met and believes that nothing will hurt him. He's obviously convinced himself that this surgery has nothing to do with his smoking, drinking and diet even after the cardiologist has told him the same thing I've been telling him.
Yes, I'd like to see him get healthy and stay that way but it's not going to happen. His closest sister, who is also concerned about his health, comes to visit occasionally and they get falling down drunk every time they get together plus she'll cook for him but everything she cooks is fried. She's not helping him any.
I've been planning to leave him and would be gone already except for this surgery. Since I am human and do care, I decided to stay until he's well enough to do things for himself. (Of course, he's never grateful.) If he thinks he can drive, then he obviously can do anything he wants so I'll just continue packing. I refuse to stick around and watch him kill himself.
2 people like this
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
5 Oct 11
Awww, that really is a shame :( I can only imagine how hard it would be to watch the one you love do that to themselves. I'm sure you've thought hard about your decision to leave and you ultimately know what's best for you. I wish you the best
2 people like this
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
5 Oct 11
I see nothing wrong with what you did. You are, in effect, trying to save your husband's life!! One thing you could have done was search the house while he was in the hospital for his stashes and done away with them! 
It would have made him mad, but who cars when you have his health and life at stake! Does he not realize how dangerous it is for him to drive so early before being released by the DR to drive? I spent over 2 weeks at home not driving when I broke my hip and I could get around fine! But I minded the DRS!
It would have made him mad, but who cars when you have his health and life at stake! Does he not realize how dangerous it is for him to drive so early before being released by the DR to drive? I spent over 2 weeks at home not driving when I broke my hip and I could get around fine! But I minded the DRS! 2 people like this
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
6 Oct 11
I was the same as you. Last year, when I had my cervical spine (neck) operated on, I was unable to drive for two weeks before the doctor discharged me and I didn't drive. My husband simply thinks he knows more than everyone else, including doctors, and can make up his own rules. He acts like he's indestructable but doesn't realize how stupid that makes him look.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
5 Oct 11
no I never tattled except accidently. my mother taught me a lesson with that at a very early age. anyway, I do have my youngest daughter here that has always been a tattletale and still is. she tattled on her older siblings all the time and if I wanted to know something, it was always her id get it out of. problem is, before surgery, id sneak a few puffs from a cig. and if she found out she'd tell my son here and he'd make me feel bad about it. 
no getting past her. 
to bad your hubby didnt get some kind of rehab before surgery. he really needs to get a grip on it. you are only looking out for him as my daughter does me. sometimes we need tattletales in our lives. lol!2 people like this
@Chevee (5905)
• United States
6 Oct 11
Heyyyyyyyyyy Marti. WTG girl, you did the right thing. I hope it works and make him think twice before he goes on his ventures. Let him get angry it is for his own good. You are the one that has to sit there and watch him kill himself or even worse get disabled and have to be his care provider. I do believe that I have told or have been a tattle tale in my lifetime. And if I had the chance I am sure I would be one now. You remind me of an acquaintance of mine that once said she had to go to the doctor with her husband because he never tells them all that is ailing him. I pray that all is well with you. Be blessed my friend.
2 people like this
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
7 Oct 11
You are so sweet, Chevee. Thank you! I'm actually feeling better than I have in a long time right now. I think that's because I know I'll be free of this man in the near future. He will not help himself and no one can help him. I know, I've tried. He wants to die so I'm going to get out of his life so he can die miserable and alone lonely.
It is sad but I've been through so much with him that I don't feel the least bit of pain anymore. I'm over that and looking forward to a future filled with laughter, friends and family. 
2 people like this
@fangirl20 (17)
• United States
5 Oct 11
I was definitely at tattler when I was young.. I was always really shy when I was little, and the other kids liked joking around a lot because of that. (it also didn't help that I was younger than them due to skipping a grade). I never really knew how to handle playground fights/teasing so more often than not, I ran and told the teacher.
I didn't break this habit until about fourth grade, when I had moved into a much nicer, quiet neighborhood.
I don't outright tattle much anymore... instead, I always try to address the problem directly with the person, and that usually works out for me.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you are totally justified in your tattling! If your husband has unhealthy habits, then its your right as someone who cares for him to help him get better in any way!
I hope it works out well for you! :)
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
6 Oct 11
Lol Marty no I was actually very quiet and just let things roll past my head
What I do not understand is after this surgery why is he doing this does he not realize that he is killing himself of and what was the point of having the Surgery if he was not going to do anything to help himself? Angry or not as far as I see it if he can do all that he can do everything else himself as well
Don't get me wrong I smoke and I know I shouldn't but ..........I have cut down a lot I got out of the habit of smoking when I do certain things the reason is I do not smoke in my Flat I do not drink, never have, I eat healthy
The way the smoking is going well up to a Year ago I smoked a lot and I mean a lot now I smoke about 5 a Day and I am hoping that one Day I will just forget about smoking as I am out of the bad Habits with the smoking
Unless he helps himself no one can help him and I guess he does not care whether he lives or not
Good on you for telling him
Big hugs Girl
@vivasuzi (4127)
• United States
5 Oct 11
I think it is great what you did. Obviously he wasn't listening to you and it sounds like he is more willing to listen to the nurse. Sometimes no matter how old you are, you still feel like you must listen to the nurse / doctor. Too bad he is not taking his healing seriously! But hopefully by you telling, the nurse can get through to him.
I don't remember being a big tattle tale as a kid or an adult, but I also don't like to watch people lie. So if someone says something in front of me that is a big lie, I have a hard time not making a comment or making a joke about it at least.
He might be angry at you now, but if he finally quits and gets to feeling better, he should be thankful :)
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
6 Oct 11
You were right to tattle! It's just a shame he doesn't care as much about his health as you do. You've done so much to try to keep him healthy and he fights like mad against it. What he needs is an in-patient addiction program. Maybe the nurse can recommend that to save his life and then he might have a chance. Right now, he wants to die and nothing short of hospitalization will help.
I was never much of a tattler. If I tattled on my brother it had some really bad consequences! I learned early to handle things myself if I could. It's a lesson that has been very beneficial to me in my mostly solitary life.
I learned early to handle things myself if I could. It's a lesson that has been very beneficial to me in my mostly solitary life. 1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
7 Oct 11
I so much relate to that. I was married for 19 years to a man who had so much potential but was so emotionally crippled. I hope his present wife can lead him to salvation of his life and spirit but it doesn't look good because she's as emotionally damaged as I was.
You did your best and are doing your best even now. Listen to your attorney, follow his advice. You've done your duty and more. You've loved him and tried to help but he's rejected all your efforts. And you've suffered emotionally and financially, putting your future in jeopardy.
Rest easy. You've done all you can and now you have to cut your losses. When I left it was forced on me. I would advise you to stay till the end and take all measures to ensure his health, which he will fight against.
What a shame, what a loss to you and his profession and your sons. You've gone beyond what the average woman would do. 
The sad thing is that he probably has no inkling of the pain he has caused you and any money you get can't possibly make up for the hurt you've suffered.
The sad thing is that he probably has no inkling of the pain he has caused you and any money you get can't possibly make up for the hurt you've suffered.2 people like this
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
7 Oct 11
You are so right about his having no inkling of the pain he's caused. I have no doubt that I'll be that "wicked witch of an ex-wife" just like his first wife was, at least as far as he'll tell anyone who listens. I'm convinced that his first wife was probably as nice and as helpful to him as I've tried to be but he simply does not understand "nice" or "helpful" since he grew up without it and has pretty much kept his eyes closed to how good life can be. He even tried to convince me that HE left HER but I found a letter she had written to him where she was the one wanting to end the marriage. Yeah, I'll be such a horrible creature to anyone he can get to believe his lies but I don't care. It won't hurt me anymore. Once I'm gone, I won't be looking back.
One good thing has come out of this, I think. My eyes are now much more open than they used to be. I won't be making excuses for anyone ever again. If I see a man being a jerk, I won't assume he's just having a bad day and will now understand that he is really a jerk (and walk the other way lol).
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
6 Oct 11
I agree that you did the right thing for your husband. He may be angry now but hopefully he may appreciate your actions down the track. He must know you have his best interests at heart and that what you did is in his favour; any intelligent individual can see that! He may not want to acknowledge it just yet though. I pray that he does make positive changes to his lifestyle, I really do…
1 person likes this
@marguicha (223802)
• Chile
7 Oct 11
That is not being a tattletale. That is taking care of your husband in spite if him. He wanrs to harm himself and you want him to stop it. I´m sure you will not mind so much about his being angry at you from what I remember about other posts about your relations with your husband. But you did exactly the only right and humane thing to do. Good for you! And, excuse me, but he´s an as*hole
. Noone is entitled to tamper with his life if he has other people that are part of his life.
. Noone is entitled to tamper with his life if he has other people that are part of his life.
@naija4real (1291)
•
6 Oct 11
Women I think you did what was right by standing up to the truth. I think it is not about revealing your husband secrets but it should be viewed from the personal concern you have for your husband which is to see him recover from his addictions. Truth may be bitter but it is better to say it and be free in your mind.
@cowgirl03051979 (918)
• United States
6 Oct 11
i am not classified as a tattle tale but i will do what it takes to make things right i classify a tattle tale as someone that constantly tells on someone else but here and there when it is the right thing to do i do not classify that as being a tattle tale just last week my friend was hanging around with this "bad" person that had a warrent out for his arrest i told my friend that he could go to the cops and tell them where he is hiding or i would i do not see that as being a tattle tale i see that as doing what is right
1 person likes this
@tpisces (66)
• United States
5 Oct 11
As you being a wife your there to help him encourage him & motivate him. It sounds like your husband is having difficulty stopping smoking & drinking. I know its hard based on experience plus there are so many other things you can do to distract yourself from those type of things. There are alot of programs to help people quit. We all know whats good for us & bad for us too. He knows what he's doing maybe he needs more motivating for him to stop smoking or drinking. As far the the Physical therapists she was right about if he can get in the car & go to the store yes he can go to Physical Therapy. My personal opinion you weren't being a tattle tale you were helping him in so many ways to quit. I hope he gets better
2 people like this
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
6 Oct 11
NO, Marti...I am NOT a tattletale, nor ever have been, as I am a great believer of "water finds it's own level."
Like some others here, I know the history you have related with this gentleman, and I think he is he$$ bent on a path of "self destruction." For some odd reason he does not understand the gravity of his situation, or is in self-denial...and or he really does under the significance/severity of his situation..and he is NOT equipped with the proper coping mechanisms! I truly do understand how you are feeling...been there, done that AND there is NO cut and dried resolution. BUT, I truly do feel that if you are at the point that you feel you can give NO more, it becomes time for you to think of your own survival, at the best quality you can give yourself! I know I am NOT adding anything that you haven't already thought about/entertained...but possibly the shock value of NOT having you as a crutch, will bring him around to self-dependency and SELF-control!
I wish you the absolute best, whatever you choose!@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
7 Oct 11
Marti,...dear, dear Marti! ONLY you will know when it is time to pull the plug, only you know what you are putting your spirit thru day after day, only you know when you have reached the saturation point, so I cannot use terms like; "get out whilst the getting is good," etc., 'cuz I have been where you are, and I know there is one thought that always crossed my mind...I will go, when "all my ducks are in a row"--another cliche, but I knew if I were going to make the break complete, and permanent, I needed my life in order, so that I had NO emotional nor physical reliance on that part of my life. The day will come, when you are truly ready to break the mold, there will be second guesses, times of loneliness, times of wondering..right or wrong thing? One thing, tho, we must keep in mind, our mental health TRULY affects our physical health, and your are living in an environment that seems very unhealthy for your mental welfare. Humungous changes need to take place, and as long as I have known you...there is one partner whom is NOT willing to make an effort...and that partner will eventually drag you down. Survival of the fittest, dear girl...and NOW, it HAS to be your time..or you will go down with the ship!
Please, please, look after yourself, and be good to yourself, as you also have those wonderful sons, whom TRULY NEED their Mother!
@dawnald (85146)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Nov 11
The word here is not tattling, it's intervention.
I wasn't ever a tattler as a child, that was my sister's job!
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
15 Nov 11
i would have done the same thing! ugh i just dont get people that go right back to smoking after heart surgery. i have known people with heart attacks and strokes light up as soon as they got out if not in the hospital bathroom
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
9 Oct 11
Not really...I was always the one getting told on...LOL...I was a hand full when I was little.
If I were in your position now..I would have told on him in a heartbeat. I can see how it would be aggravating to see him trying to pull the wool over everyone's eyes all the time. His treatment isn't going to work anyway if he just keeps lieing to everyone.
Take care.
If I were in your position now..I would have told on him in a heartbeat. I can see how it would be aggravating to see him trying to pull the wool over everyone's eyes all the time. His treatment isn't going to work anyway if he just keeps lieing to everyone.
Take care.