Every time you are good to someone it seems to bite you in the a$$

Yes, ive had someone like that in my life before. He is my ex now.

I know that feeling very well. I was treated like that with my ex, I did everything for her, gave her everything she wanted and I was stabbed in the back not once but twice. I will never give my all ever again, under no circumstances. I was even screwed over by a family member, so I know it hurts and it runs deep. Your not alone. All I can say it has to be harder when your child is involved, that I have not encountered.

Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there like this these days, and it is Sad. It seems like people are either good and want to have Good work ethics, etc. or are the type who are LAZY and take advantage of others, even into their 30s and older. Makes me wonder how they could be like this, and why did their parents when they were growing up not instill better work ethics, etc. into them as well?

Never had anyone take advantage of me. I would not have listened in, but if you just come onto the conversation, the best thing s to holler out if the voices are loud, "Is there something wrong?" and that would give her the idea that you were doing something else or just walking by with your mind on something else and they were talking too loud and now you are worried. You were not really listening. She should tell her fiancé to get a job or try harder. I do wonder why she does not tell him. Is she lacking in self=confidence, or does she feel that she is not good enough for anyone else? I am sure there are a lot of decent guys around there instead of this bum.

She's lucky you let her and her fiance use your things. If he had behaved in the first place there wouldn't have been anything for you to listen in on.

Sometimes you have to distance yourself from your child, painful as it is. You have to realize that they can't give you what you need right now. I have a son like that. He's where I was 35 years ago, not listening and determined to do things his own way no matter how self-destructive his way is. He has to learn the hard way and is in no position to support me emotionally. I have had to say no, finally, to his continual need for financial support and it hurts my heart but I love him enough to let him learn his own way, just as I had to do. In short, your daughter has to grow up and you have to let her do it and make her own mistakes. She cannot give you the emotional support you need and would be shocked if you confronted her with that. In a few years, if you let her grow on her own, she'll be there for you but she can't do it right now. Let go, let her grow. Be there for her and support her emotionally but she is a lost cause right now. Quit making demands but don't let her run your life. If she wants to move to a homeless shelter, tell her you love her and let her do it. Just be sure she knows you're there if she needs you. I hope I'm making sense. The best thing my parents ever did for me was let me make my own mistakes.

I don't think what you did was so wrong. You are family and it's only natural to listen to a conversation that's occurring on the phone when you live with others. I would never, ever, speak to my parent in that way. When I was living with my Dad because I had no where else to go, I did all the cleaning and cooking, the laundry and the shopping. That was only fair as I was paying no bills or rent, just for our food. I guess neither dad nor I ever expressed our appreciation of each other for the way we were helping each other out. I guess one thing cancelled the other. There were times when I could gladly hit my dad over the head for one reason or another and I know there were times when I annoyed him too. I guess you just live with it.

hi again lost a whole response. damn. well copypaste. I think your daughter is doing too much for this loser boyfriend and should have come to her mom when she knew you needed her. he is a big boy who has not been good at keeping jobs and you have tried to help him. but right now she should be with you and he can start working as he should be doing. not asking your daughter to win money for him.we helped a couple with two kids get into a new apt with help from our church. she had a drunkard for a husband and decided my husband was a better choice. grrr. she ran up to him in our back yard where we were hoeing and threw her arms and legs around him and kissed him hard smack on the mouth.I was just furious so I grabbed her off of him, and told her"if you ever do that again I will flatten you. this is my husband .go take care of your own." My husband was laughing at me but he insisted it was all her doing and none of his.But I felt she took a hell of a lot forgranted just because we were sor

So, you were mad yesterday? Hope you feel better now. I think you know you were wrong to listen in on other's phone calls. I'd be curious too. She has a right to be upset. Very few people get along 24/7. He sounds very childish but it is her business. Love and logic goes a long way.

Hi bunny, I can understand your mental condition. You need your beloved daughter. Your daughter also wants to remain with you. But the practical situation compels your daughter to remain departed from you when you need her. I think your daughter's fiance is not so practical. He should be settled down. Your daughter is adult, but I doubt how far she is matured.

aww bunny hope you are doing ok and i hope you patch things up with you daughter, you do not need such worries because you will be going to surgery. She is just into defensive mode, into denial or something..so please do rest and hope you and her patch things up. god bless and you take care

Now you make a promise to yourself, and keep it on a back burner. When they get their own phone, set a date to call them every hour one night. Even if you're calling only into the next room! You have nother to apologize for! Your daughter might be marrying a man who'se needing a mother if he can't go a few hours without calling in!

You are not in the wrong! Your house, your phones! Who's paying the bills? You! I'd get that phone back if you can, or cancel it. I made that mistake once. I had a friend and her mom couldn't get a phone put in. (It didn't occur to me that there might be a reason for that) So I paid the company to put one in, in my name. I figured they'd need one in an emergency, and she was my friend. For the first 3 months, the mother paid on time. Then a bill showed up for $368. This was in 1980, and I was only 18. I saved my money and paid my bills, but that one cleaned me out. I was paniced and went over. Well, how dare I act like that!! They weren't going to pay me anything if I was going to act like that!! And they kept their word. I was not allowed in their house anymore and they told everyone I was a thief and so forth. I made a mistake, I wasn't about to make 2. I had the phone taken out. In 2 weeks, they put another $500 on the bill. I spent a lot of months paying that off. And I figured what I'd done was against the law, I sure couldn't get any help from the cops. Those 2 would have sued me and probably won. I was an idiot putting it in my name. It made me liable for everything. I have a daughter too. You can't say anything against the guy, they have to protect them then. But I forbid them to live with me. She had to move out if she wanted to be with him. She did and they lived together for a year. As soon as she signed the contract, he walked off his job. We didn't help her, at first. So she supported him, and he laid around the house all day. She finally got tired of it and pushed him into getting a job. That lasted a week. Then she paid for him to go to college. He's making big bucks now, but she doesn't see a cent of it. So she let the apartment go, and him, and moved back in. Sometimes they have to suffer to get the point. But God forbid you should say anything against him. Just get your phone back. If she starts screaming, tell her to shut up and walk away. If she doesn't like it, tell her to move out. And let her. It's your house. Tough love is rough on a mother. But the kids never see that. All they see is themselves. Kids/ Teens/ Adult, whatever the age, the little monsters are selfish buggers. They don't see that they're using anyone, all they see is what they want and they do what they have to to get it. If you want to be treated good, force them to or kick them out. As long as you let them use you, they'll never see that they're in the wrong. All they see is they're getting what they want. And that's all important to them. You know the old saying you can't lead a horse to water? Well, with kids it's a bit different. Compassion isn't natural to them. they have to be forced to it. Their natural inclination is to get as much as they can. My daughter moved back out. I expected her to help around the house. She didn't feel she had to. I figure since she uses the washer/dryer, oven, water and so forth she should have to do dishes sometimes and feed the dog she brought home. She didn't think that was fair. So she's gone again. The way I look at it, I can actually watch tv during the day again. She works nights, so I had to tip-toe around the house on my days off, trying not to wake her up. It's my house!! So I'm not losing any sleep over her moving out. She refused to take me to the doctor when I needed her to, saying it wasn't her problem. So I had to find an alternative ride. While she did what she wanted. Yes, I'm angry. If she tries to move back in, there will be war. I took care of her for 22 years. I'm done. It's time she took care of herself. We're mothers. We raised them for 18 years. It's their turn to raise themselves and make their own mistakes.

Am I missing something in your story? What exactly you did wrong? Do you have the support from your daughter now she is staying with you? It's your house so who lives in it has to live by your rules. Also does your daughter know how you feel, that you are in pain so she and her fiance should mind about that. At this moment the situation is that your daughter is threatening you and manipulating you and so is her fiance. They both are abusing you and your son. You can choose to let them go on with this and be unhappy and feel more and more sick or kick them out (which is the same as leaving). If your daughter thinks living in a homeless shelter is way better as living under your roof she should do that. At the same time she can get some life experience. Your daughter sounds like a very spoiled nasty person to me. In my eyes you did nothing wrong. You helped her and her fiance out in every way. You know they are not happy or grateful or whatever with it and you also know that she doesn't like to help you out. I would go alone to surgery and tell them to leave if they can't live by your rules. It's easy to make that list up together (when yes or no to call, helping out with the the housekeeping, paying for what they use, need, take, borrow). If they don't like that let them go. The situation you are in will only get worse, they won't give in and they only will try to give you a bad feeling each time again. Ever asked yourself why the family/relatives/friends of your daughters fiance are not helping them out (anymore)?

If you are talking on a phone in a room or house with other people you really have no expectation of privacy. The surest way to make her more on his side, though, is to criticize him. He does sound pretty immature. If calling wakes you up you cannot help but listen, I think, but maybe she could put the phone on vibrate.

Ok, I'm going to be the odd man out here and disagree with everyone.. sorry! I think it was a huge invasion of privacy to listen in on a phone conversation that was frankly none of your business. If they wanted you to know what they were talking about they would have told you or included you. You had no right to butt in without permission. I also don't see how they're treating you badly. You offered him your phone and told him he had to put minutes on it. He offered to buy it, but you gave it to him.. that means it's his to do with as he pleases, so you have no right to tell him how or when to use it. How was he to know that calling your house to speak to his fiance was going to wake you up? You are the one who requested they come to stay with you, that makes them guests and should be treated with respect. You should not expect them to live by your rules, and do things how you want them to do them when you're the one who asked them to come stay with you. You should have expected that they were still going to live their lives their way. If your biggest complaint is that he calls your house too early in the morning and he is rather childish (and I don't see how that phone call is childish, my husband calls me regularly about contests he hears on the radio!), then you should be thankful because there are worse things you could be dealing with from a future son in law!

HI BON, Sounds like to me they are both taking advantage of u. I think he knew u would lend him your phone or whatever. As for your daughter threatening u, i wouldn't like that at all.I think u are too good for your own good when it comes to your kids as so many of us are.

Well...sometimes you can't help but to hear things. If it were that private, maybe she could have gone outside or something while you were trying to sleep. I think that our children are the worst as far as taking us for granted. It doesn't last forever but the thing is that it seems so long for them to realize that we are the ones that are there when NOONE else is. It also takes time to get over a bunch of nonsense for some where relationships are concerned. She thinks she is being loyal and loving him unconditionally. One she realizes it's a one way street..I think she'll ditch him. Take care and try not to worry too much.

Bon people who speak on the cell phone do not realize that others in the same room can hear. I often wonder why people feel that their cell calls are private when the caller can be clearly heard. He does sound like he has a lot of immaturity and sadly the more you and your daughter argue about this she will defend him. She's in Love! I say that she could have said something but to be upset, oh gosh no this is not only your home and it really is not right for him to be calling during his work hours unless it is an emergency. Can't she see it is a waste of money as well. As for helping people and finding that it bites me in the a@@ all the time my dear and well, unless it was one of my kids, let's say there is not a second opportunity to extend the help.

It is hard to deal with people that don't seem to care about other peoples feelings and to deal with people that our kids love because they love them and don't want there feelings hurt no matter how bad they hurt ours. He should be thinking to not call that it would be too early to call anywhere at that time just to show respect.Hopefully things get better or your daugther wakes up because it looks like her life is going to be rough with that guy since he doesn't want to help his self. He always wants help.