Waiting for the opportune time to speak.

We definitely have to put forth our grievances at the first given opportunity. But weightage need to be given for the type of grievance that is to be talked about. Certain things need to be talked only at the right moment else the whole thing might take a different route. I generally analyse the situation and the type of grievance then I discuss things with my spouse.

I think the sooner the better as my case goes. I think we should talk and get things sorted out. Similarly, my husband too can come to me but of course before saying he makes sure that I am not busy at work or i can listen him carefully. Well every time it can not be a complaint but certain issues pop up and we just have to wait for the right time to open our mouth. There has been many occasions that I can't tell something in front of the kids or anyone.

A good topic for discussion! As far as partners go, I feel it is the dominant partner who has "his"/"her" way many a time, though we idealistically use the word "equal" partners. It becomes a case of "be dominated " or "dominate" in many cases and I have seen one or two particular cases where there has been a failure to do what you have suggested and a flare up of bottled feelings after a good time. I have a liberal , noninvasive but "no-nonsense" partner; he will guard his personal space diligently but he is an extremely fair minded , straight person ; however ,I cannot complain if he loses temper at any point of time; that is the way he is made. SO I have come to terms with it; he will air out his opinion and dissatisfaction immediately whenever I did something to his displeasure. THis is valid not only for partners but in all relationships. THis has been my observation after all these years and it is also an area where I have continuously failed due to my patience and lenience with certain people right from my young days Now I have become older and have realised that being too sweet, emotionally attached are all construed as weaknesses and I have failed in some areas due to lack of clarity in communication and a forgiving nature; this has caused me some irrevocable heartache.

Hello Deepak, It really depends on the mood and situation. If I am so angry I will burst it out, as you know, an angry person’ can’t think wisely or the brain won’t work. Usually I won’t burst, for a peaceful atmosphere at home, I keep silent. If there is a funny mood or situation then I may tell the matter frankly and directly else I have to wait for a right opportunity. Over the years, I learnt, when to say, what to say and vice versa.

Deepak, Ideally it should as you say ~! But I can tell you that such a thing happens rarely or at least occasionally.It is no doubt better to clear out the differences or grievances if any at the first available opportunity....having said that my own opinion is that it never works all the time simply because we are all not made the same way !

I actually think that there needs to be a balance, and each situation should be evaluated to see whether or not it is appropriate to discuss at that time and place. For instance, if it bothers you that your partner leaves the toothpaste lying on the counter without putting the top back on, then it is most likely appropriate to address that situation when it happens. If they do not know that it bothers you, then they can't correct it, and it will only keep bothering you and the annoyance will keep building until you can talk about it. If you are out in public, on the other hand, and your partner makes a comment that you feel is inappropriate, then it is probably better to wait until you are in private to discuss the issue. If it continues, though, then you might want to pull your partner aside into a more private location and address it right away to avoid offending anybody. If it can wait, though, then it would avoid embarrassment to your partner to put it off until a more appropriate time.

Talking of old days, I was a spoiler. I admit it guilt free. just could not hide my emotions and the outburst used to be quite a moment for both of us. I have matured since. Now, I know, when to vent out, when to whine, when to be complaining. Having said that, I don't have a person to do all of that now.

I cannot wait till the opportunity comes, I have to blow up immediately if I am fused up about something. But I wont do that if he is not in a good mood and needs my attention, I will wait till he pents out and then wait for a time to tell him about my frustration. Its not a good idea to keep 30 things in your mind, wait for the correct moment and tell all the 30 things you dont like about your partner. I think that is unfair to him/her. Instead if you keep telling him/her every now and then, it should ease out the pain and the burden will also be less. My husband also does the same thing. If he doesnt I force him to tell me what is bothering him.

Hi.dpk sorry i am late the notifications just arrived today well i use to say openly whenever we are in home...no matter what his mood is... But when in the outside area,i use to keep my grievance shut. I try to keep his image in front of public

Hi Deepak! Great discussion! I think that it is very important to be able to express ourselves to our partners. Maybe not over every little thing because no one is perfect, but if it is something that really bothers me or is ongoing...yes..I think it should be addressed right away. The only exception I would make would be in the company of others. If it were in front of other people...I would wait until we were alone and then express my feelings. I would want my partner to respect me in the same manner. I think that I might also consider my own mood versus theirs. The thing is if I am in a bad mood...I know I might communicate in a way that might be hurtful or different than if I were just expressing the feeling. I might wait until I am calm and have my head together before I approach it. Sometimes the way we present a complaint can have a huge effect on the way they handle it. Take care!

Hello, Deepak, dear. I have to respond to this first before putting my comment on your respond to my post. I might forget to check again later because I have been all over the place lately. You know what I mean. I do agree with you that IF THERE'S AN OPPORTUNITY one must grab it in order to voiuce out the grievances. That's perfect timing then, dear. You have to wait for that moment, not pushing the issue right away because you only want to settle it immediately. Forcing it on your partner will not do you any good, it will not solve anything, only more frustrations from your end. It will make things worse. But, you just can't let yourself be silent for a long time or else your spouse will forget what the issue is all about. He might not take you seriously for not saying it soon enough. An opportunity will come even if you don't choose when. It is better to keep calm first especially if you knew that your spouse is not someone you can't easily talk to or open minded to understand how you feel and what you think, an in my case. lol It is better to wait for yourself to calm down too and not be overwhelmed by what you fell. In this way, you can carefully choose the words in bringing up the topic without offending him/her. It'll give you enough time to process your thoughts, too. Meaning, if it is really an issue or not. Sometimes, we just react based on what we feel without really thinking if there's really something to react or we can just let is pass away and forget about it , after all, it is no gib deal. You see when heart and mind is calmer, we get to process things clearly. Saving us from getting stressed as well as sparing our partners for feeling the same burden, too. *hugs*

Hello,yes we all have our own problems ,do have the feeling of caring aswell as enemies in and around us through out our entire life. It is good to share everything with a spouse not everything in every time,should have a limit and should do it with lot of love and care. It is a good thing ,to talk on some thing which is to be sorted out and get a solutions.Couples should have love between each other for this. They should have lot of understanding and caring ,they should be responsible. at the first available opportunity ,not always,becasue should always check whether it is the right time to say,in all aspects. waiting for the right moment sometimes can do wonders.

Oh yes communication is very important in relationships and something we value a great deal at home. Waiting and or sweeping issues under the carpet so to speak can destroy a relationship as each time we avoid issues they keep mounting and mounting causing for destruction. I don't hold back and do take time to discuss anything that is not sounding and or feeling right with my partner. I am grateful that he too is very understanding and always willing to discuss. We are good about agreeing to disagree and continuing to compromise in such ways that both of us are satisfied. As for timing, we don't wait until one is in a better mood, we respectfully discuss right then and there as both of us have been with other partners in the past and know that unless we speak we shall not be heard.

Hello Dee! When i have some problems with my husband i try to bring it up immediately if it wouldn't cause a big argument. I try to be patient all the time and as much as possible i don't want to fight at all. So when i have something to complain about, i keep it to myself rather than bringing it up and cause an argument.

I am ashamed to admit that I just reveal my feelings as soon as they come up, to the point of embarrassing myself and even my husband. I really need to control my mouth. My husband does not respond, which I guess makes me angrier and make more of a scene. If my husband is bugged about something he waits until, well, the issue is brought up. He will ignore something rather than have a confrontation with me. I should take some pages out of his book. He is cool, calm and collected and I can be a hot head when I get pissed off. I guess I feel that if I wait until later I will forget what I want to say. Or maybe I feel being aggressive will get my point across more. I don't know. I should keep my mouth shut.

I am so lucky! My guy listens to me. I feel comfortable enough to discuss Anything! So When I have a grievance I mention it And he listens and helps me makes things right. but then again we were friends Way before we fell for each other. So it is so easy to just talk things out!

Dont you think that everytime we keep complaining to your partner the partner will also get fed up. I think one should wait for the right time. That does not mean wait for days together but wait and see that the partner is in a good mood to listen and understand what you have to say.

I always speak what's on my mind. I am not demanding, but yes, I do complain when I am treated bad or being ignored. It's not grievance, it's speaking out your thoughts and expressing feelings and emotions. It is better to speak soon as possible than keeping it inside for a longer time. Keeping what you feel and keeping in silence will lead to hatred or anger. This is my view on this matter. have a good day

hi dpk, I say whatever I want to say specially if I think I need to vent it out Saying what you truly feels is good besides we can't always have a patience to everyone happy mylotting