Cutting (Wedding) Corners

I have been to weddings where the guys all wore jeans and the girls dressed casually as well. I think it probably worked out alright for Hillary.

My first husband had his two older brothers usher. I am not sure about his and my younger brothers, that was a long time ago. I need to go look at the pictures. I know two friends who stood up with him off the top of my head. At my daughter's wedding one of the groomsmen got the wrong month, and we had a last minute scramble to fix everything right, but they did have a friend who fit the tux, and that friend then moved up from usher to groomsman, and another friend (female) stepped in as another usher. Just white shirts and dark pants.

Most men wouldn't care, but Hillary's brothers are 16 and 18. I'm not sure how the younger of the two handled it, but her 18-year-old brother was pretty upset that they weren't in the wedding. They're a really close family, so I'm not surprised at the reaction to the situation. It's very interesting, though, because you're right - I don't think most men would mind not being in the wedding. Usually it's the women who get their feelings hurt when their friends don't ask them to stand up in their wedding. Changing the attire might've been a good solution for Hillary and the groom to make things more affordable to have the whole family in their wedding. The important thing is that Hillary got what she wanted (or what she thought she wanted at the time) lol. I think her brothers were still in some of the wedding pictures because from what I saw from my sister-in-law, they both still wore suits and dressed up really nice.

You're right - the bride and groom make the ultimate decision, and that is that. As I said in the discussion, I have four sisters and one brother. My perspective coming into this was that my brother and his wife were the only family on my side who attended my wedding, other than my grandpa (who walked me down the aisle), and my grandma, his wife, was there as well. I would've given up $1,500 in a heartbeat to have my four sisters in the wedding along with my parents. If they were at the wedding, they would be in the wedding pictures with us, etc. Since I can't change the past in my situation, those were my thoughts when I heard what Hillary and the groom decided. Hillary's brothers are 18 and 16, and her oldest brother was actually quite upset about the whole ordeal according to what I heard. I'm not sure how her 16-year-old brother took it, but they're such a tight-knight family, that I'm not surprised in the least that the one brother was upset. Hillary's parents completely left the decision up to her and her fiance, so I think that was good of them not to step in. You're right - the brothers still wore suits and were in the wedding pictures; they just didn't stand up in the wedding. What's done is done, though. They're still married either way!

I will never marry but.. I love weddings. Girl, your mother in law planned the wedding for you. You are blessed to be able to have a great relationship with her! I'm so sorry the rest of your family didn't make it. But it sounds like you enjoyed your day.I'm glad.

Huge weddings nowadays mean tens upon thousands of dollars usually. I didn't really want that either. Our wedding was around $5,000 for 300 guests at a church with a reception in the same building. I don't know that we actually had 300 guests (probably more like 150-200), but no one from my family showed up except for my brother and his wife (they were in the wedding), and my grandma and grandpa since my grandpa was the one who walked me down the aisle, gave me away, etc. It was still very special to me, but I would give up $1,500 to have the rest of my family there. All my friends and husband's family were there, but there was still that empty part of it all. Anyhow, if you want simple, that's what you should get! The bride certainly deserves to decide what goes on at her wedding (or who will plan it for her, in your case). I think that's a great idea to have someone plan your wedding if you don't elope because that takes the stress and worry out of it all, and you can just enjoy it the day of! My mother-in-law and wedding coordinator planned most of my wedding. They were a great team - they'd ask me things here and there that I wanted and the end result was wonderful. It was such a fun day. Who knows, maybe you will get married someday...perhaps sooner than you think!

Now you have me curious! Why do you not intend to marry? If I'm prying, don't answer. I don't want to make you uncomfortable if you don't prefer to share that. I completely understand either way. Just piqued my curiosity is all. You do whatever makes you happy! Yes, I have the most wonderful mother-in-law. She's such a sweetheart, and she was more of a "mom" to me than my birth mother when I was going through the wedding planning. It was great having her there when I tried on my wedding dress. Those memories with her will never go away. Yes, I'm bummed my family wasn't there, but my wedding day was a blast and one of the best days of my life. I think my family is definitely rebuilding some bridges that they burned down in the past, but some things just won't quite be the same. However, it's the wonderful memories of that day that keeps me smiling about it. And after all, I got the guy of my dreams, so it doesn't get any better than that!

You're right - most of the time, the wedding party covers their own expenses for weddings. However, in this case, the bride's family members were the ones going to be in the wedding, and her family would've have to cover the expenses if it didn't come out of her wedding money. Her parents gave her the money for the wedding, so really, it's all the same money anyway. I don't know that her brothers have jobs and could've afforded to rent their own tuxes anyway. It's really sad that I wonderful day like this had to be about money, but that's the way things go nowadays, I guess! Thanks for your response.

You are exactly right. This was an all-American wedding, so the traditions still stand. As I told Lady M, her brothers were from her immediate family, so technically her immediate family would've had to pay for the tuxes as I don't think her brothers hold jobs to be able to pay for their own. Her parents gave her the money for the wedding, and if she wanted her brothers in the wedding, the expense would come out of the money her parents gave her. Either way, the family would've still been paying for the tuxes. It's just that she didn't want the incur the extra expenses from their wedding money to have her brothers stand up with her. I think it's kind of sad, but it is what it is! The choice was hers and her now husband's. Thanks for responding!

Thanks for your honest opinion. I think weddings can be a huge overspending spree if the bride and groom aren't careful. My husband and I didn't go crazy on our wedding, even though we weren't the ones paying for it. We budgeted as if we were the ones who were fronting the money for all the different things. We didn't go cheap where it would've showed, but the corners we could cut, we certainly did just that. I agree with you - I think weddings shouldn't be horribly expensive things, but the $200 or so that Hillary would've spent to have her brothers in the wedding in addition to or instead of friends who stood up would've been a better idea that what actually happened, especially since they were really upset by it. I just saw on Facebook that Hillary and her new husband just got back from their honeymoon. It sounds like they'll live pretty close to both of their families in Tennessee, so hopefully what she decided for the wedding won't hurt her relationship with her brother now that she's married. I hope they can pick up where they left off, so to speak, and not let her choice ruin their family bond and friendship. What would be sad after all this is if her choice harms any of that. Thanks again for your response!

Without being there with them, it's hard for me to know the dynamic. I will see my sister-in-law (the bride's sister) around Christmastime this year, so maybe I can get some updates from her. I like how you put it...not risking her new family to hurt her old one. I hope her brothers can forgive her. Maybe they'll understand a little better the situation when they get married in a couple years!

That would really be sad. That in starting her own family, she'd harm her old one. Hope not!

Hey there! Family is so special. Hillary's 16- and 18-year old brothers were pretty hurt by her decision. Ultimately, she's still the one who has to decide, so you're absolutely right - I'm sure the decision was the right one in her eyes. Someone had to figure out the hard stuff, so she certainly did! If that's what she wanted, then that's what she deserved. As for me, I would've decided differently. I would've spent $1,500 in a heartbeat to have my family there. My parents and four sisters (and their families) didn't attend my wedding. Because of it, none of my other family came other than my grandparents on my mom's side, my brother and his wife. Crazy, isn't it? Which is why this situation hit home to me. Money isn't an issue when spending time with family is involved. I would do anything for my family or my husband's family. Thanks for your response! I'm glad your family is so special to you too.

Yes, the brothers were still guests at the wedding and reception. They wore suits and were in some of the wedding pictures still, I'm sure. Her brothers are 16 and 18, and her 18-year-old brother wasn't happy about not being in the wedding. Keeping the wedding party small probably wouldn't have made much of a difference in Hillary's case because those who weren't siblings who were chosen for the wedding party had to purchase their own suits and dresses. Because Hillary's parents provided the wedding budget, it's understandable that Hillary would've had to use the budget she was given to rent her brother's tuxes if that's what she decided to do. I don't think she had to pay for her sister's dress because her sister is married (to my brother), and they probably paid for her dress. That's my guess, although I don't know what actually happened since I wasn't there. In this economy, I think modest weddings are a must. No one has a huge budget for them usually. I'm not surprised when I hear about friends not being able to stand up in their friend's wedding because they can't afford it. Ultimately, Hillary and her groom had to make the decision here, so I hope she doesn't regret it later. I surely hope her brothers didn't make her feel bad about it. All she probably saw at the time she was planning was the extra money she and her husband would have. I guess I can't really blame her. Thanks for your response!

I think you're right. Hillary may end up regretting her decision in the future. However, at the time, I'm sure the wedding emotions and jitters were going crazy, so it seemed like a good idea to her at the time...saving money was more important to bride and groom. I like how you put it, "Memories last longer than money or anything it can buy." That pretty much sums it all up! For me, I would've spent the $1,500 in a heartbeat to have my family at my wedding. I can't change the past, but those "what if's" still come up every once in a while. I'm glad you were able to have a very budget-friendly ceremony and reception. What a great idea! Thanks for your response!!

I couldn't agree with you more! Life is short, so it's the memories that really need to count. We can't go back and redo things in life, so we need to make them last. I don't think Hillary made the right decision, and if it were me I would've chosen differently. However, I think she needed to figure out what was the right decision for her and the groom. Part of me admires her for not being afraid of what others thought of her decision, but I also think that family needs to be the most important where special events like this are concerned. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!