Question for the Guys? (Gals too)
By Amfyre
@Amfyre (512)
Canada
October 11, 2011 11:06pm CST
My X and I have been split for 6 yrs, however we have a beautiful daughter together. The way I look at relationships is that "once it's all said and done, move on" but we have a kid together so "that's the glue that binds".
For the most part I really don't care what he does when he isn't around having "Daddy Day".
He was in a bad, very bad accident a couple of years ago. Since then his immune system isn't what it use to be and he's in pain still from the accident. Showing some concern I said maybe you should go into see the doc. ((we still have the same doctor for our child's sake, that way the doctor can cross reference our charts for her health))
His response was "Are you nagging?" Our daughter spits out "mom doesn't nag she harps when I don't do what I'm suppose to do" I said "see Im harping, besides you just said you haven't seen our doc in a year plus..."
He can't run and kick balls ect anymore without severe pain, he's got enough metal in his one leg to give airport security a heart attack. Luckily his girl loves video games, playing with cars, movies, board games. She wants a rc helcopter! So there's good bond there, she still likes the girly girl stuff too. So it's easy for him to amuze her.
I just care because he's got a little girl who thinks he's the best! I try to stay out of his life and his affairs and keep my opinions to myself. We are not together and it's his life to do what he wants with it.
QUESTION:
As far as men go, was I out of line to ask the X to see a doctor? I thought I was showing concern for his welfare, he's missed a few "Daddy Days " with his daugther and has cancelled because he was sick...
2 people like this
8 responses
@stary1 (6612)
• United States
12 Oct 11
No I don't think you were out of line..I think you were showing concern. Now if you keep going on and on about it to him, then you will be overdoing it. I think you are just a caring person and want whats best for those in yor life. Best wishes
2 people like this
@katcarneo (1433)
• Philippines
12 Oct 11
Not at all! I mean when we see someone ill it's a normal response to suggest seeing a doctor, especially if that person is obviously suffering. That's what you would say to a friend, a neighbor,a relative, your mom, or any other person in your life who looks sick. And yes, he's a "person in your life" although you are not together in romantic relationship.
1 person likes this
@katcarneo (1433)
• Philippines
13 Oct 11
Since you said he used to tell you that you were nagging him, I'd like to ask you what you think about it. Do you think you were a nagger back then? Maybe he's just being cautious because of not-so-fond memories. After all, what's worse than a nagging wife, but a nagging ex-wife! Just kidding. Is he really that defensive? You suggest one thing and he thinks it's nagging? Did you tell him to go see a doctor nicely or authoritatively? It's either you say things in a nagging way without meaning to, or he's just too darn sensitive.
1 person likes this
@Amfyre (512)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
I suggested it when he came the one time to see his daughter and he looked pale and said he wasn't feeling well. He then said he hadn't see our family doctor for a year and half.
A week later he called to cancel his visit and went into a bad coughing fit, it sounded wet to me and phlegmy. I waited for him to get his breath back and then asked if he has gone to see the doctor. He then asked if I was nagging and I said no but that he didn't sound good and that our daughter would be upset him missing thier Daddy Day.
@eurekafemme (5876)
• Philippines
12 Oct 11
No, you were not. Even if you are no longer together, just like you said there is still 'something' that binds you together which is very strong.
It doesn't mean that if you are his ex you can no longer show concern especially if he needed to be nudge a little to do things that should be done.
Tell him you are not doing this because you were used to be lovers but because you just human and even to a friend you'd do the same if you need to.
You did the right thing, dear. 
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
14 Oct 11
I realize that there are some people that can just move on and never look back, but that is pretty difficult when you have a child together, especially if he is involved in your child's life. I still care about many of my exes whether we had children together or not, and if I was worried about their health, then I would say something to them. The fact that you have a child together only makes it that much more important, because you are acting in the best interests of your child to try to make sure that she grows up with both parents.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22091)
• United States
15 Oct 11
It is great that you are able to put aside your personal feelings for the sake of your daughter. It is also good that you discussed it with her at length ... being honest but not nasty and spiteful about his addictions, actions and life-style choices ... so that she could be prepared and make an informed decision. I am very glad that it has worked out for the best so far.
I do hope that he understands that his decisions and choices, especially about his health, affect your daughter, even when she is not with him, and I do hope that he goes to see the doctor and get whatever treatment is necessary for both of them to be able to continue enjoying "Daddy Days" for a very long time.
I do hope that he understands that his decisions and choices, especially about his health, affect your daughter, even when she is not with him, and I do hope that he goes to see the doctor and get whatever treatment is necessary for both of them to be able to continue enjoying "Daddy Days" for a very long time.1 person likes this
@eljayo (1105)
• Philippines
13 Oct 11
Hi! I think it is not easy for you to have this situation. You can actually move on while still being concern for him because he is still your daughter's father. You can care for him but if you really want to move on , you have to set the boundaries and don't make him feel that you are initiating something that will bring you back together.
1 person likes this
@Amfyre (512)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
Exactly! I try to stay my distance and not become involved with his personal life. I do care for him because his health effects and has impact in our childs life. Our daughter wants him to be part of her life, which is natural to want this, I did talk to her explaining that we will not be a family and that our lives are divided, she understand and I made sure she understood the boundries that mommy and daddy will not get back together. It's still tough though.
@clearwater18 (695)
• Philippines
12 Oct 11
No, I don't think so. You were just showing your concern for him. I guess you were just thinking about your daughter. I think you should talk to him and let him understand why you want him to go see a doctor and also tell him that it's for his daughter's sake.
1 person likes this
@swirlz (3136)
• Philippines
12 Oct 11
That's perfectly okay to ask him to visit the doctor. It only shows you care about him and his well-being.
You should try to know why he doesn't want to visit the doctor. Why would he get angry at you for asking him to pay a visit right? I think saying that it's none of your business is just an excuse for not actually going.
@Amfyre (512)
• Canada
13 Oct 11
Our doctor sometimes will be in your face, he pointed out that I was a whopping 20 pounds over weight, yeah I didn't like it but it's true. I was wondering if he said something to him about say his smoking or whatever.
However I didn't want to stick my neck out on the chopping block because I was curious. He the X does admit we do have a caring doctor who is on the ball and not a pill pusher.
@tomford (135)
• Richmond, Virginia
7 Feb 16
I think you were showing concern, i dont know the circumstances of your split but i would hope if i had a child with someone that they still care somewhat about me and not just think of me as a sperm donor.
