I Have Given Up, I Guess...

I'm glad my post made you think things over. I hope you will be happy either way. I'm doing fine.Let me know how everything goes.

Hello, Sarah. It has been a while since the last time I saw. I hope all things are well with you. I'm glad to see you here again. I have started this discussion a week ago and there has been a lot of things going on. My husband is not able to go home the whole week because of his work. He has to stay out there, running from one place to another because of an assignment, boss of the org is here that's why they need to double their efforts to get results... He hardly text, once a day and if he does, he would only give a short update of his whereabout and activities hardly even giving attention to his punctuation marks, (we text the right way, grammar and correct punctuation marks with correct spelling). So I can sense that he is truly busy. He often tells in his text how much he is missing us and today he texted he love us three so much... I don't know how to feel. I'm not so sure if I am going to believe him or not. But, meanwhile I am pretending I want to believe his words. This ain't a case of apathy, I guess. Somehow, somewhere deep in my heart I still love him and he loves me (well, again, I'd like to believe that). But, I'm giving this relationship a deadline. The year is almost over a new one is about to start soon. I am determined to see some good changes the next year. Well see... Thank you so much for giving me a very sensible advice. It made me look through the situation deeper. Yeah, you are right, I have to analyze if it is only apathy that binds us or still love. Thank you so much, Ruth. All the best to you.

And I thanked God you are not in my shoes, dear. . It is difficult to be me. You have no idea what I have been through... My indifference to my husband has originated from the long lines of pains he has given me that started years ago. I constantly struggle to keep my head high above the water and to make the relationship works for the sake of our kids, but I think, I am becoming numb and care less about him and what he is doing. I am supposed to feel happy about it because I am finally free of the bandage of heartaches but , of course, as a wife and mother, this is not what I want for all of us... We're not in a long distance relationship. We get to see each other every week but when he is out of town for an assignment that's when the time he is texting or not, but I do not care that much anymore..

Well I am i your shoes and can relate very well to where you are in your feelings. I feel I have hung in there for years and have tried everything I can and I just have nothing left to give. I did not even intend to start feeling indifferent, it just started happening. I use to fret about mine being out and tried to find out where he was and what he was doing and when he would be back. Now I look forward to the nights when he stays gone....I have so much peace and I am able to concentrate more on what I want for my life. I think I have come to the conclusion that it's time to depart, I just have to work out the details. I also have a child involved and she has seen so much of his abusive behavior (not hitting but very verbally abusive) that she is ready to go. The only thing I do now is try to not press his buttons and not react when he presses mine.

Hi Euruka! It is better in a way if your become a bit stoic and do not feel hurt. You should now allow his behaviour to affect your psyche. Hope you will be able to find the lost love sooner than later. My best wishes are with you.

Hi, dear. I am doing reverse psychology to myself. And every time I his acts hurt me, I'd think and dig down there to feel something good for him. I feel like I am digging up all the good stuff about him that I have stored in my memory bank and use them in case of necessity , however, I am running out of supply... I am hoping and crossing my fingers that soon will be soon enough before I lost all of my strength and courage to hold on... Thank you, dear for the well wishes...

Hello, dear. You can say that... I really did not intend to give up so easily but years of being in pain made me find a way to help /protect myself from feeling hurt further. I taught myself to feel distant and not to care that much to the person who had caused all the unimaginable sufferings that I have been through.. But, yes, you are right, I can not totally and completely run from them because part of me will always care and love them even if they have hurt me so bad and the wound is just too deep. Note: Them here means him... I am praying, my dear, that I'll be able to find that love inside again so I can continue to love him ,not just for the sake of our daughters but for him...

Hi Virgie. It seems to me that you and your husband didn't spend much time together before. You see, lack of time for each other can make someone feel rejected. Maybe, your husband was thinking you did not care and is no longer interested to be with him. Why bother to inform you or bother to even ask you when he knew that your answer would be 'no'? I',m glad that this is a thing of the past to you now and happy to hear that you and your husband is having a great marital relationship. In my case with my husband, it is very different because he always find time to have a day out with us whenever he is home. We still do things together as a couple and as a family. But there were things in the past that have hurt me and he keeps on doing them. It is just so hard for him to change his principles even if they are not right anymore... So, I feel numb and dejected. I feel that he doesn't trylu care for me... And like you, a big fight would always end up being 'us seems fine' but after a couple of days or weeks, things will be back to usual stuff where lying and a lot of issues cam running back and catching up with him... Ah... men are different. You are lucky to have tamed yours.

Hello, Bingskee. :-) It is very true . Repeated lies and pains can make any heart turn into stone. Well, it is not an overnight thing but gradually... This makes me very sad because for years I have been holding on and really trying to stretch my patience not just for my husband's sakes but most of all for our kids. But what can I do? I can't keep on getting hurt and it seems he is adamant in hearing and understanding how I feel. The best thing for me to do is to keep myself numb for all the things he did and keep on doing in order for me not to get hurt anymore. Years of practice finally made it happened...Nw, I am numb and care less about and for him... But, in my heart, I am praying that we can still mend things especially now that he is showing some changes, not that much, but at least he is now trying.I'm keeping my fingers cross...

Hello, Brannray. I hate being in this situation, too. If only I have a choice, i'd like to be in a different ands exactly the opposite situation. Though am feeling nub about what he is doing, I am still hurting inside because of this. Why? Because it means that I am able to say goodbye to this nad that if it is really not going to work, I'll have to leave... This is waht makes it sad: We have kids...What future do they have if they grew up in a broken family? Yes, I know that I deserve someone better, someone who'd love me and not neglect me. Someone who truly cares. But as long as we are still in this marriage, i can not find that someone because in my heart, mind as soul I'll still be a wife to him, a faithful one for this matter... Thank you so much for your well wishes, dear.

In one of your responses here, you also broke my heart, talking about your 4 year old daughter wanting a "real family." I sometimes, don't think we give our children enough creedence! Imagine, this little four year old, picking up on her "radar" that the whole family is not happy and how it is affecting her! She knows, in her little world, something is out of "sync." Just need to tell you, that I went to a "family councillor" for many, many visits and my EX refused to attend! The family councillor insisted upon seeing my 5 year old son (at that time) ALONE! I was totally amazed at his prognosis...and I got a severe talking too...! I was trying to be the "glue" that held the family unit together..but I was doing it in a unhealthy (emotional) environment, and my little "tyke" (even tho' not expressing it) was picking up on every "vibe" causing him consternation and upset. Not, something, someone could put a finger on...like stop "doing this or that!" But expect some backlash, unless you take your feelings out of the mix...and get on with your life and "raise this child" in an emotionally stable environment! I did NOT realize, I was making it all about me...how much I had loved my husband, how much emphasis I was putting on a family unit! I had to get me out of the mix, and focus on my son..and his world! Please know, I am NOT advising you, of any move you SHOULD or SHOULDN'T make...just wanted to share how, a lot of times, we cannot see "the tree" for the forest. It really is the big picture, and it truly stops being about us, when we have other "little lives" in our charge! I am sending you a friend request....so I can be here, if you just need to talk..or vent! ALSO, big, big, HUGZ!

You were heart broken by what I said about my daughter, dear, how much more hearing it from her and seeing the expression in her eyes while saying such words to me, and God! she is my daughter... I can only hug her and often assure her that everything will be all right and no matter what her Pop and I will always love her and her sibling... Like you, i'm trying so hard to keep this family together. I can very well see myself in your situation before. I'm always telling myself that I need not give up, I need not leave them because I am scared they might end up hurt... But upon reading your latest response here, I am beginning to doubt if I am still doing the right thing by still staying here. ` Maybe, it is time for me to go... thank you for the friend's request, dear. I am honored and humbled to be your friend here.

Hello, Pergammano.Thank you for sharing your life story with me, with us all here... I feel sad that I am not the only one who has suffered or is suffering from this...This is the sad reality of life. Sometimes , I wonder why some good things never last. Sounds like a line from a song. Seriously speaking now, dear. You are right. Though I am saying that I am already numb from all of these things but hey I can not deny that there is still so much pain inside... Why? Because , it is not easy for me to think and now realize that I am slowly drifting away from the only man I love... I can only hope that one day (I hope it'll be soon) that God will lead me into the path that leads to the end of all the sufferings.. I appreciate truly your efforts to comfort me ,dear, even if you are a stranger. You have no idea how much this means to me.

[i][b]Nobody is perfect, but hope lies in crafting a seeming-perfect marriage and like dough, love is not constant - it has to be remade and remoulded all the time. You got to work on your communication for many years to come. Take baby steps in achieving the big picture. Albeit that might not result in your ideal goal, but you have to look forward and strive to improve your relationship. You don't have to resign to a 'less-than-happy-marriage' - you certainly have a choice.[/b][/i] These words struck me hard. Because everything make sense in what you said. Yes, I am scared I might complicate things further,but i have to do something to make things work. i Hve to take chances and risk... Thank you, Sky, for this. As always, you have given me a wonderful insight.I hope all things are well with you. Have a great day always.

Ybong, dear, why would I not want to keep the marriage? There is no question about that. I would have not held on to this relationship this long if I don't want to make it last a lifetime (wishful thinking). A marriage counseling seems sensible but I do not think that hubby would agree to that. He thinks that it is just me who is making a lot of big deal to a lot of things especially when it concerns him. He knows we have a problem but the thing is that he won't admit to himself that he is the one causing the problem. I guess in his mind, it is me who is causing the problem, too. I am not scared of the separation, but, as I have often said in my previous discussions, I'm not ready to subject my kids to this torturous situation. I don't think I can handle seeing them hurt. They love us both... I love your last line, though...When a marriage end, a new life begins. I'll remember this.

Yes, it is, indeed , a great challenge on my part. Sigh... we are living a big lie and we are both in denial... But, how to do it, I have to figure that out yet... There's nothing I can do much for now but to move on with my life and still carry this burden on my shoulder. I really, really do not know what to do with this relationship now... He is out there working, telling me that he is so busy because the president of the company arrived plus there are also foreign visitors flanking the center where he works. He could hardly text and communicate with us. Well, I do believe that he is busy and he can only text once per day now. And just tonight after I texted him, this message came from him. "Super busy pa,hon. Field pa. Driving. Love you. Sorry for not texting" I do not know what to feel... Maybe, I'm just expecting too much from him... My bad isn't it? Dreaded words they may seem but there's is hope to it that's why I'm loving it...

The more I am convinced that you two need a marriage counsellor...convincing your husband is the primary challenge. My last line "When a marriage end, a new life begins" sounds good and inspiring but in reality it's a dreaded word and it should only be the last resort.

Hello, Bounce. How are you, dear. It has been ages since the last time I see you comment on my post. Thank you for dropping a line to this one. Glad to see you again. Everybody deserves to be happy, dear, this is what I keep telling to myself. I'm not an exemption to this, I know. But , it is not just so easy when my happiness depends on things and people that contradicts each other. I have to make a choice and making it is not easy so it seems... But, slowly, I am doing something about it. I told myself that I already had enough. Next year will be a different path and life for me. This situation has to end... I have to move on...

I will look forward to this changes that you're setting yourself. And I will be expecting discussions then with a different tone, maybe about an exciting new life. Or better yet, not see you here, because you're so having fun!

Hello, Sweetie. Thank you again for sharing your precious thoughts. I wonder why someone like you is beautiful both from the inside and out could be rejected and hurt? You are right, dear, love has been tainted, trust has been broken and respect no longer exist. I often think about it. How come I have been able to last this long? Then, I saw tmy daughters' face... As I have often told and said here, they are the only reasons why I keep on holding on... Why I have not fully given up on the relationship... Oh, sweetie, it is difficult for me because I feel so distant from him and now I can sense that he is trying to reach out. It is just too complicated and so confusing...

Hello, Saphy. Honestly, I really do not know what to think anymore. I don't even want to think if he is reaching out for real or just another bait and make believe. I know, sweetie, that if ever I'll be a fool again because of him, I won't take it this time, I can never stand playing the fool all the time... I am so scared, for the past years of my life since I met him, I've been using my heart. Not minding much about the consequence because my heart believes in him, trusts him... Now, it is so scared and yet, it is telling a different story than what my mind wants... I am in damn $hit, sweetie...

Sweetie, if he is reaching out, make sure its for the best intention. To get hurt again and go thru all this crap again, sorry to say, you won't be able to take it. Think with your heart this time, sweetie, not your mind. Minds make mistakes, the heart won't ever make a mistake. Luck and keep your head high.

I know what you mean, dear. And I am thinking you for your logical point of view re my situation. Yup, if you are unfamiliar of my situation it is very hard to tell exactly what must I do. I have been trying to discuss this thing to my husband, not just this one but a lot of issues surrounding the relationship. After discussing about this to him, it seems that he is mending his ways and is trying to change but once I'm back to my relax self and slowly beginning to want to hope, then, he'd come back to his old usual insensitive , irresponsible way. I have been holding on for so long that I don't think I still have the energy to hold on further... It is sad that I have come to feel this way, but , I am doing my best to not to really give up. THank you for your well wishes.

Hello, Pointless. (Can I just call you that?) The thing about my situation is that we have kids, plus, I have done the i'm-leaving-you-for-good- thing before and it did not do good for my children. I do not want to go through that same ordeal again. Not at the expense of my kids. It is just too much for them... I never considered myself as someone who would settle for less, let alone someone disrespect and ignore me. I know my right and I know what I want. But, it is not just about me this time. There are other people whom I may get hurt if I chase my happiness. I'm just so confused. In fairness to my husband, he is not that evil. He has good side, too. I can sometimes feel that he is trying to do his best to mend his ways but there is also something in him that he keeps on doing the things that hurt me... I tried to understand but then, I got tired of understanding... Other than my kids, I must admit that the love I have for him makes me want to hope that there could be happy ending for our love story. I guess, I'm going to need a miracle to have that...

Hi Eurekafemme, I wish there was an easy fix for your situation. I wonder if marriage counseling might help you all. I think sometimes men have this need to feel virile and go through this male menopause thing and treat their wives like furniture, while they treat a girl they are seeing like a queen. I went through that with my husband. I did show my husband the door because of his disrespecting our marriage. We became roommates only, and he even suggested he go to another bedroom.. before that happened it blew up in our faces and I asked him to leave. He wasn't my daughter's father anyway.. I had been married before. I wonder if you can speak to your husband the way you spoke to me and the rest of us? I think he should know how much it hurts you to turn off your feelings and go numb over all of his treatment of you. If he put as much energy into your relationship as he puts into other things, you would be feeling much better right now. I feel bad for you. I wish i could help.. I feel powerless to help.. but this is what i love about Mylot... so many people are here to listen and offer support when needed.

Hello, Cricket.:-) It is OK, dear. This is how life is sometimes. We can't have the best of both worlds , sometimes we fail, sometimes we succeed. I do not have to run away from him, nor hide from him. I do know exactly what to do. Mid-life crisis , huh. I wonder at what age a man should feel such way. :-) We all deserve a life worth living for, peaceful and happy.At least, this is what I think and believe. I'll get through this crisis, dear. Thank you.

Hello, Cricket. :-) Oh, dear me, my husband wouldn't like it if he reads your response. He doesn't want to be considered that old, and mid-life crisis is seem old for him . But, there's truth to what you have said. Somehow, there are certain things in my husband that he has not fulfilled yet and those things are driving him nuts. I hope he'll outgrown whatever they are...

Hi! Good to hear from you and yes that is how life can be sometimes. My GUESS is men sometimes feel this way in their late 30's early 40's when youth is over and some don't feel that they've accomplished all that they want to accomplish and feel as though they failed. Yes we all do deserve a life worth living and I am sure you will get through it. I do hope that you will be all right and that life will treat you well. :-) :-)

Hello, Tammytwo. Yup, I have been in a roller coaster kind of relationship with my husband for years. It is a very long story though... K feel numb, care less and I don't fret that much. It seems that years of not wanting to get hurt by teaching myself to be distant from him has finally come to its success. Whatever, this is or wherever this might lead to, there's no way for me to go but to move forward with my life. Hopefully, at the end of my journey, there'll be peace and happiness waiting for me.

Hello, Chiyosan.How have you been? It is so nice to see you here again. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Thanks for reminding me of that. I used to think that this relationship is nothing but a misunderstanding of what we feel we thought was love. But thanks for saying that. Well, he knew. He knew very well the reasons why I am acting this way. It has been ages after I discovered the many hang-ups he has and his lies. I tried so hard to give him countless chances, but it seems that he doesn't understand, always thinking that I can not or will not understand him. In order to protect myself from the pains he in inflicting me, I taught myself to care less and be numb of all the things he do. I have been successful... Love? Maybe, I do not know. But maybe yes, because I am still sad knowing that I am not so into him anymore... I am trying my best to bring back what was left in me... God may help me...

Oh, Cheenlly... I hope I can make you feel better. But yours is different from mine. You have a husband you love who is far from you. Maybe the distance between you is causing you to drift away from him.If there are o other bigger issues than the distance then, all you have to do is to reach out to him and increase the frequency of your communication. Open communication is the key to make a long distance relationship works. Maybe, it was just you who is thinking that he doesn't care that much. Men are not vocal and as mushy as we are when it comes to showing their emotions or what they truly feel for us. Give him a chance. Here's a word from a man who used to love me so much when we were living separately because of his work. "It is difficult to convey emotions through text and calls because they are just sad. And no matter how you say I miss you and I love you, still, there's that part of you that is missing because you do not only want to say it but you also want to have it felt by the person you love the most, and in my case, that is you". See, dear.Men are not good in this. So, try to understand. Unless he is fooling around and cheated on you, then, it is a different story. Talk to your hubby. Better if you will right him a mail, sort of a love letter telling him how you are missing and that you love him so much... If he doesn't know how to reach out, do the first move. Do this to save your relationship. God bless you always.

You are a man and I can tell that if your woman will treat you the way I am treating myhusband, you will consider your relationship a done deal, ei. that might work for me if I don't have kids to consider. And let me assure you, dear, that even I am treating my husband coldly and it seems that the love I have for him has waned, part of me will always love him. There, I might have completely given up the thought that he will change but I can't fully convince myself that my heart has fully given up on him...

Hello, Jaiho. Must I say I'm sorry to hear your story but I think it is better not to since you said you are now happy with your life even if living alone with your kids. Hmmmm.. you are not alone after all. Been-there-done-that, too, before . I wasable to move on and was happy but it did not do good for my kids. This is the reason why I do not want to do it again and I'm holding to this relationship for as long as I can . the only mistake, if it is a mistake. is that I taught myself to feel distant and care less about the man I married. Eventually, I succeeded in doing so, so I feel numb about what he does.... I'm not happy about it, though. It still hurts... There is always life even after a bad break up or after everything is over but there are consequences we have to face in exchange of a new life, that is something I'm not sure of if I have the guts to do it... I wonder, Jaiho, how did you do it. Moving on is easy but the process of separation is the one that is rough and tough. How did you get through it?

Hello, Thirdyballs. am truly sorry to hear your story. If only, I'd not want to hear stories like this, but, Sadly this is life's reality. Some of us are not bound to have our fairy tales come true, never going to have a happy ending with the person we chose to love and marry. Nevertheless, you are right. There are women, single mother who are able to raise their kids beautifully. It maybe hard at first but by God's grace, we will get through. I hope you and your husband will still be able to mend things. As for me, I have two daughters to consider. That's why whatever is left here for my husband, I am trying to use it in order to patch things up. I don't know if it will work, it may , it may not, but as long as I am here, I might as well do my best. If one day, I'm out of our house, then and only then, I can truly say this is over...