Is it normal to hate your own mother?
By enelym001
@enelym001 (8322)
Philippines
October 14, 2011 1:01pm CST
I have this friend who usually complains about her mother... I'm sometimes tired of listening and advised her to try to understand her mom. But it seems every time we talk there is always something wrong with their relationship.
Since she was a child she told me, she never felt her mom's concern for her. She would be shouted at in public and hair dragged when she was caught outside playing with her cousins, and call her names... When she got married and already got 3 kids, she rented out a house and took her mom with her (because she still respects and love her and her dad is already dead and she is the only daughter of her mom - she has nowhere to go). At one time, they had an argument about why she chose to move to a new house. Suddenlt my friend was asked by her mother to choose between her as her mom or her husband. Of course my friend was stunned but just tried to explain something to her. There were a lot of things and issues she has told me...
My question is... is it really normal to hate your mother? my friend admits she still respect her mom, even giving her money to spend for her habits of drinking and smoking, but I can feel my friends irritation towards her mom whenever she talks about her.
Unlike my friend, I love my mom so much although there were misunderstanding sometimes... but do you ever hated your mom for something? Is it reasonable to hate her? Can this hate be taken away?
4 people like this
24 responses
@jessa17 (5)
• Philippines
15 Oct 11
Let me share you my own story. I am 24 years old and a mother of a cute little girl now, she's already 4 years old. So that means i was pregnant when I am just 19 years old and gave birth when i was 20 years old. My Mom always told me that I shall finish my studies first before anything else, I used to really hate her when she's telling me things that I have to do. I finally realize that she's right when I end up loosing everything i have because I have to stop my school because I need to take care of my child, I need to give up all my hobby and party going, because my baby needs me and I can't do anything that I used to do when I was single. I was a mother at a very young age. And now that my Mom is with God now, I am missing the things that she used to say to me. You just really appreciate those things when they are already gone. So you tell your friend, instead of hating her or his Mom, why don't he or she just value the time while they are still together. Life is too short, so live your life everyday as if it is your last. Love your family.
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
15 Oct 11
As of these days where children did not mind about their parents sacrifices but only thinks about their own happiness...It is normal nowadays for children to hate their mother due to that thinking they have...
But if they understand that being a parents is not just easy as they think. They realize that their mothers really hard to manage life...
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
16 Oct 11
You are right aerous sometimes children don't understand the parent's sacrifices. But my friend is already a parent of 3 grown up kids, so basically she knows how to be parent too. And from what I have observed she has brought up her kids fairly good. The children knows whats good or not, the kids since they all are working already, helped the family financially too... and one of the kids who have a good compensation at work even gives my friends mom money to spend for her little vices.. and if this kid was not able to give her sometimes, she would ask him or sometimes tell her sister why is he not giving...
Normally grandma's saves money for their grandchildren... but why would she feel that way for her grandson?
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
18 Oct 11
I think your friend is an irresponsible parents. Because if she really a responsible parents. She should know how hard to be a parents. No parents want their children to suffer difficulties in life in the future. This is reason why parents always teach their children to be good...
@Anne18 (11029)
•
14 Oct 11
Well I don't wish to go into detail but I don't have a realtionship with my mum anymore other than the odd letter.
We fell out properly about 12 years ago.
I am more than happy about the situation. I am happy and if I'm happy than my hubby and children are going to be happy.
I also have other friends who don't get along with there mums and have little or no contact with them
@airkulet (2700)
• Philippines
15 Oct 11
I am so sorry for you looks like you had gone a traumatic experience with your mom. I wish that someday you too reconcile, because our mom is our flesh and blood too. Reconcile and make up and forget the fast, be happy that you are receiving a blessings today and share it to your mom.
@Anne18 (11029)
•
15 Oct 11
Thanks for yuor kind thoughts but I don't think it would work and all the problems I had would come back. In order for my children to be happy then I need to be happy and since I have had no or very little contact with her I have been happiness and in control of my life.
We can't choose our family and I do know some mothers and daughters are very close. I think in the past my mum and I were far to close and I dare not disagree with her etc.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
16 Oct 11
Having seen mother-daughter relationship such as my friend has, I came to understand why sometimes it is hard to force the children to be close with their mom when the mom herself pushes her daughter away.
Yes, we have to give credit to them because they are the reason why we are in this world. But why bring us to the world when they only want us to suffer?
Ooops I'm only speaking for those who can't live with their moms because of physical and emotional abuse. I love my mom =)
@rappeter13 (8608)
• Romania
15 Oct 11
In normal circumstances, it is not normal to hate your mother, but judging after what you just shared here, the mother never loved her daughter, so where could she have learned how to love?
I think she is not hating her, not even now, she is just upset that she has this terrible relationship with her mother, and she feels bad about it.
In a normal situation, a mother loves her child or children a lot, but this doesn't seem like be a normal situation. I don't know why a person decides to have children, if she feels that she cannot be a good parent?
I think everybody has problems at home, with the parents, but important is to keep a good record of the situation, to make a balance and make a conclusion. I am sure that the result will be positive in most of the cases, so there will be no hatred among the parties.
@rappeter13 (8608)
• Romania
18 Oct 11
Maybe she was not a planned baby, and that is why her mother never got to accustom with the idea that she is a mother. There are a few women who never get this maternal instinct and then they cannot care for their children as they should.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
18 Oct 11
I agree with you rappeter, she don't hate her mom but she's so upset about their relationship and how her mom treats her. She could not fathom how her mom is better to others but not hers. Even her dad who already passed away will chose her (daughter) over her mother. Because her mother is an irresponsible one.
@huilichan8 (1378)
• Singapore
15 Oct 11
I believe no one will ever hate someone for no reason. All of us may dislike a person for no reason, but it's definitely impossible to hate someone without a reason. So, I think it's normal to hate a person, even if that person is one's own parent.
@passion3924 (121)
• United States
14 Oct 11
there comes a time in your life where you grow apart from your mother and the fighting gets old because you get tired of that. your mother dont know everything and at times she may think that what she wants only matters but if your are grown you knowe what is best for you also with the continous fighting it can cause hate towatrds her and when that happens you may fee like talking is not possible because by this time you may not want anything to do with her because how the way she talks and makes you feel. just to make herslf feel better and make you feel small and like your nothing.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
16 Oct 11
absolutely right passion. mothers tend to feel they are the ones who must be right in everything. And if you argue with her then sometimes this is where all the fighting starts. Until both of you don't see good in every words or actions the mom or the daughter says or does.
@jaiho2009 (39141)
• Philippines
14 Oct 11
I understand your friend.
The way her mother treated her gives her the feeling of anger.
She still respect her mother and even took care of her,yet,her mother never changed her treatment towards your friends.
I guess it is normal for your friend to feel that anger and rebellion.
What she needs to do is ignore her mother's words.
let her mother talk and she just keep her ear shut.
She already had a long way to endure her mother's treatment,so, she needs to add more patience.
It is her mother anyway and no is there to take care of her.
I am sure her mother will realized her mistakes soon...let's hope so.
have a good day 
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
18 Oct 11
I guess you are right, and I think that is my friend is doing - she sometimes ignores her words. although there are times she can't stop defending herself when needed. I hope so her mom will realize her mistakes and appreciate her daughter's concern for her... ^^
@starrose_ara (784)
• Philippines
15 Oct 11
I cannot judge someone who hates his or her mother. There is a deeper reason for said hatred that we do not know. I love my mother and just like you we have our minor spats and differences but at the end of the day she is still my mother. I owe my life to her. All it takes is forgiveness to cure herself of that deep hatred towards her mom.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
18 Oct 11
I don't think she has a deep hatred towards her mom. She just complains and losing some love towards her mom, but never wished her ill or bad. She mostly wonder how come her mother acts like that to her - she is the only daughter and child. But she had never felt her concern or love for her. I still think that she loves her mom, the simple things of letting her mom enjoy herself by giving her money and things she wants is enough reason for me to believe that there is a spot in her heart that says she loves her mom.
@stary1 (6612)
• United States
15 Oct 11
I think your friend's Mom has some sad issues and emotional problems. That is doubly hard on your friend. I don't think there is anyone who can 'push our buttons' like a mother.
As kind and wonderful as my Mom was, there were times she was completely wrong and still I would feel guilty if I didn't have her approval
I try to remember that with my own kids...
I try to remember that with my own kids... @ferbjohn69 (1127)
• Philippines
15 Oct 11
I love my mom,but there were times I felt angry or hated her a bit.My mom talks a lot.I mean when I err she scolds me a lot and says too many words.That irritates me,and from there comes the little anger or hatred.But the hatred is just temporary.After a moment it is gone,and the relationship is back to normal.I know she talks a lot because she wants me to be good.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
15 Oct 11
Every mum should balance how the relationship they have with their children. But it shouldn't be that much sometimes because they never know if the children develop such hatred on her.
@rjkolth (27)
• Philippines
16 Oct 11
It's normal,but Mother knows best! and I agree with that. Tell your friend that her mom is just telling her what could be the best and good for her. She's so lucky having a great mom that very concern to her, unlike me. I grow up without my mom by my side to advice and support me. She left me since I was 6 years old. Tell her she must be thankful having a great mother like her mom.
@gayop2091 (68)
•
18 Oct 11
Its not good for you to fell that you hated your mother since your mother sacrifice you when giving birth.Even if shes not the perfect mother you wish for but we are bound in different situation oh how we handle things in a nice way without any painful acts or words you have been said to anyone.Anyways in this world its just a temporary since all of us are seen with our God on how we perform we act in this world.We need to pray and handle things in a right way.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
18 Oct 11
It is not me who hates my mom, it's my friend who hates or rather upset with her mom because of how she was treated. Her mother would favor others rather than her, and would ask to choose between her mom or husband, which is quite an unusual question to make for a mom who normally would want her daughter to be happy on her married life.
@monilove35 (45)
• United States
15 Oct 11
Let me start by saying this regardless of what is wrong your friend only gets one mom whether they get along or not. Your friend once she got older and got married she was to cling to her husband not her mom when she was a child she could act that way. Because you friends mom is alone and now she clings to her daughter she has to seperate herself from her mom. Its okay to take care of her but not taken advantage of. Maybe your friend needs to put her foot down but to remember to respect her mom because the Bible said to honor thy mother and thy father not to misuse them and I feel thats what her mom maybe doing. She has her own life now.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
15 Oct 11
It is not normal to hate one's mother by normal standards. However, not all women are alike and this mother of your friend has not really given her unconditional , selfless love; this is why it has happened. YOur friend is keeping her mother with her and it is unfair of the mother to ask her to choose between husband and herself. She is taking emotional advantage over your friend and that is why your friend is complaining. If she maintains a distance from her mother this won't happen. She is the only child and it is not at all possible for her to hate her mother.
I am extremely close to my mother but now I am far away from her place.
@grecychunny26 (9483)
• Philippines
15 Oct 11
Yes I think so, it is normal to hate your mom but you still love her for sure. There are misunderstanding that might happen between the course of relationship, you will have an arguments with her, fight her back and normally hate her but it doesn't mean you will hate her forever. You are not here on earth without your mom, so you should still respect her and of course a mother can normally hate her daughter or son, but for sure she loves them more than her life because she is their mother. I hated my mom when she is being hard headed. She do not like to drink her medicine, she have illness but it seems she is taking care of her illness rather than doing something to stop it. She always advice us to eat on time, but sometimes she is the one doing that and if she is being warned or reprimanded she still do not do what you said, how can we follow her if she is making a mistake too. These are just the things that I hate about her, but i still love her and this hate is just temporary. After a minute we are on speaking terms again and even on some heavy fights, we do not let the misunderstand to stay overnight.
@hestylim (1210)
• Indonesia
15 Oct 11
If a mom treats her child like that, I mean, like your friend being treated.. It is normal that to hate her own mother. But however, that woman is still her mom.
Honestly, it is very normal for her to hate her mom. She is being nice already to still give her mom some money to spend and give her place to stay. Some people don't even want to care about their mom, though their mom didn't treat them bad.
I never hate my mom. But sometimes I do have argument with her and don't agree of what she had said.
In my opinion it is reasonable to hate her. But still, she is her mother. I suggest, no matter how bad her mother treats her, how bad her mother is, she as the child, should do the obligation of a child. :)
@koneho12 (165)
• Philippines
15 Oct 11
I admit that there was a time that I had some bad feeling towards my mother. I don't know why whenever she talks too fast my blood flow spurts easily and I could feel some high blood pressure. I always share my feeling and sentiments towards my mother into my friends and I here almost the same suggestions and it was to accept the fact that you cannot change the way your mother react on things. I don't use the word hate because I love my mother very much. Whenever we had some fight and a day of not having any conversation my mother was the one who will initiates to start the conversation and the peace process. The love of mother towards her children is very unconditional and pure, she may have some bad traits, but still she is our very own mother.
@ardoy0731 (7308)
• Philippines
15 Oct 11
I love my mother too.They've done lots of sacrifices for us.Maybe we don't understand them but I know what they what is what is best or us.
They need to talk.May they have lots of issues and misunderstandings to clarify and resolve.So eventually they can understand each other.Open communication is needed in the family.
@tamirs (1807)
• Philippines
15 Oct 11
My mother and i sometimes have misunderstandings but never i felt hate for her,not even once..maybe there was an incident her mother did something not so good to her,like hit her badly, to make her feel that way for her mother,or maybe she don't like her mother interfering in her everyday life..but you see,even how bad your mother is,the fact that she let you live or gave you life means she somehow love you in her own simple way..that reason alone, should not make you feel hate for your mother.as for me,i always see to it that i spend more time with my mom,seeing what see is doing everyday,what she's going through everyday so ill know why sometimes she yells at me.and also you may want to get to know yourself better so you'll know if you sometimes do bad things that makes her interfere or confront you...remember,mother knows best..
