Could Your Friend Be Lying to You?
By winterose
@winterose (39887)
Canada
October 15, 2011 6:05pm CST
Have you ever had a feeling that your friend is lying to you.
In my situation, I reestablished a friendship with a childhood friend.
We became so close again just like we were children.
I met his partner and liked him immediately his partner seemed to like me too.
We would all joke around and have fun.
I would eat at their house every Thursday and my friend T and I would talk for hours. The partner, M would drive me to and from my home because I have problems walking.
I slept over one evening as the partner had fallen asleep, T doesn't drive. I slept on the couch and T and I talked and watched Tv for hours. M seemed to be sneaking out of his bedroom and listening to us but not joining in. It made me feel uncomfortable.
The following morning M was in a bad mood, criticizing T and being generally grumpy. In the car on the way home before T got into the car, I asked M if I had done something wrong, and he said no he wasn't mad at me he was mad at T.
Well nothing has been the same since that day.
I have not been back to their house, though T says M is working now and cannot drive me anymore,if I could come by bus I am welcome. I can't do it waiting on buses in the cold, it makes my pain worst.
The amount of telephone calls from T have diminished greatly as well.
I asked T if M was mad at me and he said no.
But I can't help getting the feeling that he is.
T said that day he was mad he was mad because T did not go into his room to sleep.
You see they are gay but they each have their own bedrooms.
When I asked T why he wasn;t calling or returning my calls that often he responded with different things he had been doing.
They were all legitimate,
Even though he has his excuses,I still get the feeling it is the partner that has changed everything.
We I do hear from T it seems to be mostly when the partner is at work.
Am I paranoid or could there really be something that went wrong between me and M?
4 people like this
10 responses
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
16 Oct 11
that certainly is true. I think T just does not want to tell me that M didn't like it when I stayed over.
2 people like this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
16 Oct 11
I am guessing that he felt a threat with you. Even though they are gay, maybe he trust T. It might not even be with you, maybe it is a past issue that has happened.
2 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
16 Oct 11
yes they are gay and T said he is not jealous of his female friends, only his male friends. but yet everything has changed since I slept over that one night.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
16 Oct 11
I see it this way. Even though there is no romantic feelings between you and T, M can't compete. T has a relationship with you and it has interferered with M sleeping with T. M can't compete with a female for a male's affection. That may be the issue and M may have forced T to choose. If T chooses you weill lose. I'm sorry this has happened. I think you know without him saying so what the problem is. M should have been more secure in his relationship with T. It's not like you are there EVERY night.
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
16 Oct 11
You don't sound paranoid at all. I would be thinking the exact thing, based on what you have told me.
2 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
16 Oct 11
the thing is his excuses are real and can be verified, but it is just a feeling I have.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
16 Oct 11
It isn't you , it is between T and M. T didn't come to M's bed that night. It seemed like he preferred to chat with you. And it was about stuff pre M. I mean you two go way back and talk and talk. While M and T are not as close ... yet. So M got mad, I mean jealous. No you didn't do anything wrong. It is between the two of them. You may hear from T from time to time but unless M gets more secure about his relationship with T, you won't be going back for visits.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
16 Oct 11
that is what T said it was between them, and they had talked it out,
and I think you are right they talked it out and M doesn't want me around that often anymore.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
16 Oct 11
I can understand it if this is a new relationship.M Wants to be the key player in T's world. I think once they go through that phase , maybe you will get to be with T again.Hang in there.
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Oct 11
maybe its not only the sleeping over. he probably felt like T prefered time with you. also, have you asked them over to dinner? sometimes people feel it should be equal entertainments. 
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
16 Oct 11
no his partner is very funny he doesn't have friends and he doesn't want any.
We I am at T's house he won't even eat with us, he goes into his room, T told me he did that with everyone, long before this incident happened.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
16 Oct 11
So sorry to hear about this turn of events. It very well could be that 3 is a crowd. It might be that M is threatens by your relationship with T. T is up entertaining you and he might see you as horning in on his territory. Yes, you are friends with T but to M it might be something a lot mire serious. He may want T all to himself.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
16 Oct 11
it certainly appears that way, but then why won't T tell me the truth, he keeps insisting that I did nothing wrong and M does not have an issue with me.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
17 Oct 11
I saw it from the beginning Pointless, I just wanted to make sure it wasn't me being paranoid and ready the situation wrong because of my own insecurities
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
16 Oct 11
He is sparing your feelings. It's common to do that. You know you are the problem, because they have changed how they relate to you, but they try to convince you that you aren't the problem. The problem is, by the looks of it, that your friend had to make a choice and you lost. To be in a relationship with his partner he had to choose him over you, because to M, you were taking up his time with T.
Not everyone is as direct as you are. He would not be direct and tell you this if he thought it would hurt you... but he doesn't realize it leaves you wondering what you did wrong when you didn't do anything wrong. M may see you as a threat to T's affections, as illogical as that sounds.
It's just like the old break up line, "It's not you, it's me"... it doesn't mean a thing.. just something someone says to get rid of you. My last husband never bothered to tell me he was in love with another woman until I kept after him to tell me the truth and quit lying to me. He didn't want to hurt me with the truth, but didn't realize his lying to me was hurting me more. It's human nature to lie to the one getting rejected. You are being rejected because of the dynamics of that gay relationship... M can't compete with you... even though there is no competition he thinks there is... that is my take. It's M's problem, not yours... If this was happening to me, you would have already diagnosed the problem for what it is... but when it happens to you, you don't see it... just like I might not see it if it were me.
1 person likes this
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
16 Oct 11
The picture that I get is...."there was a perceived wrong," -- a conjuring up of something in one's mind! There is issues in their relationship, that really have no part of you....you were just the catalyst that put the wheels in motion! There is a struggle between them that they must work out, and you just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, so your turned out to be the scapegoat. I truly, believe it will work itself out...and blow over! Cheers!
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
17 Oct 11
you are so perspective, M resents T because T has a lot of friends but M doesn't have any. He doesn't want any either.
1 person likes this
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
17 Oct 11
The picture that I get is that "M" is wrought with insecurities, sorta like an overjealous wife! For you, I really can't see "M" welcoming you into their relationship..and he just doesn't wish to share! "M", you will just have to tolerate, as I don't see anything changing this...can you discuss this with "T" so that he knows that you understand! Possibly, this is an issue with him, too....and he just doesn't like to "rock the boat" , as he suffers from the anguish of "M"! Good Luck!
@celticeagle (167015)
• Boise, Idaho
16 Oct 11
From what I am reading I get the feeling that M is jealous. Gay folks have alot of insecurities. And to keep M happy T is going to resign himself to backing away from you and his relationship. Sad as it is T's feelings for M are more important that his are for you. No, I don't think you are paranoid. A person can just pick up on such things.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
16 Oct 11
yet T and M are men and T told me at the very beginning that M is not jealous of women only other men who are his friends.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (167015)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Oct 11
I don't think it is the women type of jealousy. It may be another friend in the mix type of jealously. M could have some insecurities about their friendship and feel you are better or nudging into what T and M have.
