When Truth Hurts, Would You Mind To Know It?

For me, it's better to be hurt because of the truth than to be hurt because of the lies. Sometimes, you have to know the truth so you can help yourself and set your self free. Be brave enough to handle pains and you'll see that you can be a better person because of this.

I honestly believe that the truth will always come to light we can postpone it or try to pretend we dont know but we can not hide from the truth all our lives. Eventually no matter how much it hurts your wife will have to deal with whatever is going on with your step daughter and weather she is ready to accept it or not I think you know it will be alot better coming from you someone who loves and cares about her feelings than her finding out some other way. The only other insight I can offer you is that it may be difficult for her to discuss this with you because you are not the daughters biological father, there are times when I have trouble talking about my childrens short comings with their step father because I some how feel he will blame me for their behavior, while my husband constantly reassures me that he loves them as his own and while they are not his children they are his children I still feel somewhere in the back of his mind he is saying well if that was my daughter she wouldnt be doing that and it wouldnt matter what I said because he wouldnt feel he needed my permission to proceed as he felt necessary with his own biological child. I guess its a form of insecurity but dealing with step parent relationships is def a tricky subject.

Hi Neil! What kind of bad thing is your stepdaughter doing? I think if it's an important bad thing, like something that will ruin her life, her body, her future or whatever, even if the truth hurts you should still tell your wife about it. It may hurt her but it's a must that she knows about it because the outcome of it will depend on both of you. If she would know then she still can stop your stepdaughter from continuing that bad thing she's doing. So yeah, that's my stand if that kind of truth is something that might ruin a life or a future. I would like to know about it so I can do something about it. It doesn't matter if it will hurt me if it means changing somebody's life for the better.

Hi, Neil.:-) I have kids and I have a husband and you already knew that we have issues about telling the truth. i hate being lied upon and I'd rather hear the bitter truth. But in your wife's case, I guess, you should understand where she's coming. You already told her about your step-daughter's case (I have not read your post about it) and because she does trust you it is no longer necessary for her to see the evidences. Your word is already enough for her to know the truth and it is already hurting her. Seeing the evidences would hurt her more. Presentation of evidences is only necessary if she is questioning your integrity to tell the truth. Spare her for feeling deeply hurt, Neil. It is enough that she trust your words for it. I hope everything will be OK with you and family. God bless you all.

I understand how she feels but there is phrase that says "the truth hurt" and even thought it hurt we have to listen it. Maybe she can save her daughter from a dangerous situation that her daughert ignore but the knows by experience. I prefer to know the true, I don't like to be the last one to know what is goping on with my son or family. Yes the truth hurt but we have to know it.

If it's necessary to know (I mean absolutely necessary) then it wouldn't matter if it hurts. But if it's something that will do nothing but hurt by being known then I wouldn't want to know. I would only want to know if there was something I could do to help. Otherwise, the outcome is all negative with no positive.

Personally, I would always want to know the truth. If it is hurtful then at least I would know. If it wasn't important, then no harm would be done. As a Zen practitioner, I guess you could say that I seek truth on a spiritual level, but our spirit permeates everything we are right down to out bodies and those people we interact with. I think that everybody wants to know absolute truth, but many are just not ready for it yet. _Derek

this is so true, or sometimes...it all has to do with who is doing the truth telling. maybe she would be able to accept what you were saying if it came from someone else. maybe she subconsciouly feels like she has to be protective of her. step parenting is the next hardest thing to parenting.

The truth does hurt sometime but your wife needs to face up to what's going on w/her daughter.

hello neil, I am so sorry to hear what is happening between you and your step-daughter. I know you were trying everything to make things better esp that you never think she is just your step-daughter. But, no matter how we tried to make things better, still problem persists. About your topic. I am very aggressive and I prefer to know the truth than being blind all my life. I am still shocked and hurt when truth prevails, but,I don't mind how it hurts and pain it is...still I preferred truth than lies. Be strong my dear brother and hugs to the little bully

The truth may hurt, but the unknown is worse. If there are any facts that I feel that are not completely are out on the table, it is going to be something that is going to rattle me more. Because I am rather just thinking about a lot of worst case scenarios in the back of my head. Where I am imagining what could be true and what could be there and really it just comes across as far worse than it really is, but it is there. So yeah the truth could sting a whole lot. Beyond most beliefs. However, there are going to be a lot of times where we really do need to know. Even if it is going to be something that we won't want to hear, we are going to need to hear it. It is rather important to put each and every card out on the table. To really make sure that everything is on even ground. In a way, the truth is going to set us free and give us clarity.

Hi neil I read a couple of your past discussions but didnt respond as I never knew what to respond. They seemed so very personal and I have had practically no idea of what the response should be. Hope you would not mind that. There was a statement by Anjelina Jolie in a movie - there are somethings that should be left undiscovered. I think, that is quite right - especially in some relationships that cannot be left behind. I am glad that the things werent brought out as they would have definitely hurt the feelings and sentiments of the young girl and they could have distanced her more from you. I pray that the problems at your end get resolved sooner for the better of you and your family.

No matter how the truth hurts, its still the truth. You may want to live with a world full of lies just to save yourself from hurting. But you wouldn't want to live like that forever. At one point, it will be better to know and face it. Because you really wont be able to move on thinking of what really is the truth that you have avoided.

The truth can be a harsh thing. But I do feel that everyone needs to hear it. I don't think what you say is as bad as how you say it. People handle the truth differently. Some take it with a grain of salt and others take it to heart. When it comes to peoples children that is a tricky thing because they could tend to take it offensively even though you did not mean it that way. I think the best way to handle this is to just tell her what you have to say but let her know you are not trying to cause any trouble or harm.

Yeah it hurts but what can we do? Accepting is the best way and deal with it if it needed one. Does your wife do something to discipline her daughter?

When it comes to a child, hearing the truth can be hard because it colors the way that you view your child, who you want your child to be, who you think your child is. However, in a case where the child is acting out and it is hurting themself, I think you need to push your wife to look at the whole picture. I think that by saying "I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you, however we need to talk about *Susie* and why she is behaving the way that she is. I really feel that if we don't step in, it could lead to a pretty bad place for her. What I have found out will hurt you, but I believe it will be what is best for *Susie* in the long run." Good luck talking with your wife, I hope that you are able to get through to her and to your step-daughter.

In most cases truth really hurts but I don't really mind if it will hurt me for as long as I would know the truth and I could take steps to solve whatever problems that come with that truth. I think that is the best way rather than refusing to know the truth and avoiding to get bothered at all even if it concerns one of the most important persons in my life. I don't avoid or run away from truths just to protect my feelings. As a parent when it concerns my son it is not my feelings or my own benefit that I take into consideration. I am not a selfish and unconcerned mother. I am not the type of mother who could care less for anything about my son. I want everything about my son, whether be it good or bad to be known to me. I can't be with him 24 hours a day. I can't guard him all day long to know all the facts about him so I would be happy if somebody come to me and say " I would like to tell you something about your son that you don't know." I would of course be even thankful to that person if I know he is a reliable source and would be very interested to know any truth he would tell. I am always concerned to know so that I could correct whatever mistakes or sin my son is doing behind me. Of course if the truth is about a wrong thing done by my son, I'd be very hurt but I'd be very interested to know whatever wrong things my son is doing so that I could correct him. I can't just close my eyes over his wrong-doings just because I don't want to get hurt at all. A good mother would sacrifice just about anything concerning herself if only to mold her child into the best child God wanted him to be.

Personally I would always want to know the absolute truth regardless of the pain because there is no freedom in denial and in the long run chances are we may be hurt more than if we had known the truth I the first place. Your wife may as well face what her daughter has been up to for her and her offspring’s benefit. Some people have a real aversion for listening to what they don’t want to hear. Truth hurts but needs to be aired.

That is so sad. I too get hurt from the truth but i'd rather hear it rather than be blinded. She is in some kind of a denial. If I have to move on and live peacefully, i'd rather hear the truth.

When someone is only going to be hurt by the truth, it's most likely because he or she already knows the truth and just does not want to face it. She seems to just be having a rough time with realizing her own daughter is acting in such a negative way. You also have to remember that no matter how great of a person you may be, that's her blood daughter, and your stepdaughter, so she may get a bit more defensive and feel a bit more attached to her than you are. I have no clue, cause you two could be as close as anything, but I'm just saying in a lot of situations, she may feel as though it's hard for you to relate to her on how she feels about her daughter acting this way, when it's her own flesh and blood. It's a hard thing to grasp when a family member is treating you so crudely.