should a child be allowed to call a step parent mom or dad

This is something between your son and your husband and it really doesn't involve you. You can't allow your fears to rule every decision that you make. If you do, you will never be happy. I can say this from experience. I am now remarried. I have 2 children from my previous marriage. My ex is a total slacker. He hates paying child support. He has agreed to a step parent adoption so that he can stop paying. He doesn't see the kids and he hardly speaks with them on the phone. They call my husband dad. My husband IS dad to my kids. He is there every day taking care of them as a dad should do. I am assuming that is the case with your husband as well. Obviously your son feels secure enough with the relationship that he wants that dad role to be filled by your husband. I say stand back and let their relationship develop as it will. You may end up doing more harm than good by allowing your worries and fears to get between the two of them.

If your son is asking, then the damage is already done. What I mean is, if you are mainly worried about how it will affect your son if the marriage doesn't work out, then it won't hurt for your son to call him dad as he is already viewing him as such. The attachment is already there, so he will be hurt either way. I think calling him dad will do wonders for him as far as feeling abandoned by his other dad, this makes him feel wanted. I don't see any harm in it, really. Like I said, if he's asking, then he's already viewing him as dad, so why not call him that? Hope that made sense!

I think there's really nothing wrong with it. I find it even cute that the kid wants to call this guy in your life his dad. I mean, isn't that rare for people who have separated with biological partners? The mere fact that your partner agreed or allowed him to be called 'dad' is something great. It seems to me that he's a swell guy for wanting or accepting the responsibility of being a father to the toddler. As long as he gives good support to the growth of the child, then he's more of a father than the biological father is. Perhaps this time around you could at least try to be positive or hopeful that this indeed is the guy for you. Have a great MyLot experience ahead!

I don't see why not. Of course it should be something you both agree with, but given your situation, it doesn't sound like there would be a problem. If the biological parent is either not part of the child's life AT ALL or the child chooses not to acknowledge the biological parent (because they chose not to be a mom or dad to that child), it's really the child's choice. I am an adoptee and my adoptive parents are my parents. They are not my 'adoptive' parents. they are not my 'step' parents. They are my PARENTS. Period. I know I am not the only person who feels that way. I also have step kids. My daughter always called me mom. My son didn't. Their mother was not close or really part of their lives for years, so it made sense. I appreciated it too.

Well you have been with that man for 4 yeas so I hink you know him enough to know if he wants to stay or just try the marrige life some time and then leave. If he wants to be the father of your son means that he feels love for your son,and your son have the necessity to have a father, then if you think he doesn't have the intention to leave soon, you may allow him to the father that your son needs as much, everybody wants to have a father and the love and appreciation of him, and your son desire that.

Curmont I've went through this and I am pass this stage I just married for the first time last year in Nov yeah for me getting ready to enjoy our anniversary in a few weeks. The first year is always the hardest. I thought I was going to do some crazy things to my husband but it was all me due to the past relationships that left me torn. I have two older daughters one 14 and the other 9. My oldest girl dad was abusive and did this to me for 5 years yeah for me I got out but he killed 2 people over maybe 8 months ago and now serving life without parole sad for the family but he deserved it. My oldest daughter started out calling my husband which now she calls him dad which use to call him step dad. Now the middle one is a time she is stubborn, jealously inconsiderate and the whole nine yards she gives him a run for his money. After me and my husband shared in our first child together his first she learned to call him dad to make a long story short. Allow them both the right, this is now your husband again they tell me the first 1-3 years are hard but we conquered it and yes it was hard with brand new baby that's now fixing to be 9 months. Allow him or them to embark in this he is not your ex he is your husband enjoy him. I spend so much time making up for my stupidity and now its time to spend the rest of your life doing do to so let them let all of yall enjoy in the unity. Good luck

Yes I think they should especially if the real dad left him and I am going threw something like that now my son calls my fiance dad and the reason is that his real dad went to jail and he has lived with us longer then before he went to jail now. I think youre son needed sombody to look up to a daddy figure and youre husband provided that for him.

Some ladies have an ex which they see and they have a different husband now. Such a man might still see his children but in your situation your ex went out the picture 2 years ago. Your husband sounds like a lovely man so it is sweet your son wishes to call him dad. I believe that step parent adoption might be a very good idea. I hope that your marriage continues very well and that your sad is happy. Good luck.

Since you son was the one asking I do not see why not. You are married and it is not like this is a boyfriend. It would seem to me that if your husband was the one asking your son to call him dad without discussing that with you then I can see where that could be a concern. But the thing is, is that your son sees something in your husband that allows his heart to feel as if he were the Dad. This is special and since it was your son who asked I would say you have nothing to be concerned with. With regards if something happens in the future between your husband and you, this in no way should change what your son is feeling. For now I would say not to worry about it and embrace the fact that your child finds your husband loving and feels deeply about call him Dad. As far as the adoption that is something you and your husband need to have a serious discussion over as adoption regardless if the marriage lasts or not is for keeps. If you find that your husband loves your son as his then I would not oppose it, unless there is something you are concerned about with regards to his behavior towards your son. If you are uneasy with it allow a little more time and maybe you can decide without the emotions of the what ifs. Best of luck to you and your family.

I think if the child starts calling the step parent mom or dad on his/her own, then it's appropriate. The only time I don't think it's appropriate is when the parent forces it on the child. I have a friend who forces her son to call his step dad "dad" when I don't think he's that comfortable doing so. It should be the child's choice. In my opinion, if he feels comfortable enough calling your husband dad, then let him. :) It just means he feels love and security around your husband. Which also means you did a great job in picking a man to marry! I think it's great that you're cautious though, more mothers need to read into these things more like you have.

Mom and dad is something you have to deserve, it's different from father and mother. The mom, dad are the one who are taking care of the kid it's different from being a biological parent and not showing up. If a kid asks if you allow him to say dad (or mom) he knows you are not the biological one so whay making a problem out of it? What else should he say? Is it so hard to understand he just wants to belong to the family and say the same as his younger sibling? I don't understand what kind of help you need. Seems to me you found a great husband, have a new family and you should be happy with that. Don't make problems out of something that is not a problem at all and don't take your son away the change/opportunity to find out how great a dad can be. If you really think only a blood-line can make one a dad you are wrong.