When will you marry/ have children? Why Do you Need to know?

I cant agree with you more Sarah. Why do others need to have their say on your marital status. I think women have it a harder than us men. My partner and I are engaged but have don't really have plans to marry anytime soon and we are happy. She gets the bad end of the stick when we attend wedding and such when she is a bridesmaid. She will get the comments like, "Always the Bridesmaid, never The Bride" Insults from people she does not even really know lol. I guess it bothers others more than it does us lol. We do want kids. some have commented on it but like yourself out parents are cool but then I would rather have family to talk to then little digs from strangers. Thanks for this discussion

I also think about this question. Why do people to get married or have kids? But before no answer, I got married and had kids.I want to know the answer. Perhaps it's the rule of life.

I think people project onto others what is important to them, and this may be ONE reason why virtual strangers and acquaintances tend to ask others when are they getting married or having kids. This is one of those things that I consider 'slightly less' presumptuous and fishing for info than 'where are you from'. THAT one would have to top my list of rude questions strangers and acquaintances like to ask. Since I'm married and have kids I don't think the other questions are AS bad, but they are still kinda nosy and tasteless since it's not a stranger or acquaintance's business really. Those are all things which should require some sort of friendship first before you go off asking. If you know someone well enough, you will know how appropriate it is to even ask to begin with - like you pointed out, all your friends know you will never marry or have kids. From the point of view of someone who has both been asked those questions and have asked them of others, sometimes we worry about our family members and friends. If you ARE married, it's hard to understand someone's desire to be alone, live alone, and have nobody to share their life with in an intimate way - ie marriage or longterm close relationship. It's the same with children - those of us who have always wanted to be parents have a hard time understanding those who have no desire. We don't ask to purposely be rude or unthinking, it's like I said at the beginning, we are incorrectly assuming that your life and motivations are something like our own, which is untrue. I have a few friends who have no interest in marrying and I don't give them grief over it. I know nothing is ever one size fits all. I also have some married friends who won't ever have kids. My only suggestion to people who aren't sure about either one is to make sure before deciding. It is really hard to unravel things if you marry someone who doesn't want kids and later you decide you want kids. If you live your whole life alone and are happy and then suddenly decide when you're 70 that you missed out on being married.... would you regret it? I know that sounds weird but those are some of the reasons behind the reactions you may get.

If I think I will make the person offended through my asking I won't do it. I'm sensitive to what others may feel through "sensitive issue". But I can make it through a joke if that person is somewhat close to me like my sister and even my closest friend only. But just the case of me offending someone, of course i'll say sorry and won't do it again. And that would be a lesson for me to mind my own business *lol. There's people who are not so-so with regards to social kinship. They tend to say something without thinking it's hurting or rather say it's annoying to others... and more, it's none of their business! But thanks again, sensible people are still just around the corner to make friends with.

My parents don't push me to marry or have kids either, but I know I want children by twenty-five. My parents had me when they were pretty old. My mother was thirty-eight, and my father was thirty-seven. Now my mom is sixty, and my father is getting there too. I'm twenty-one. I want kids by twenty-five so I know they'll be able to spend as much time with their grandkids as possible. I want them to be able to see them grow old. I don't know when I want to get married, preferably when I have the children, but I don't have a set age for that yet!

I think that is a very personal question that not body have to be asking, is comprenhesible if it is your mom or dad and you are living in their haouse. But neighbors, friends, co workers which are he most common people who use to ask that kind of question shouldn't be interested on that. My husband family each time they see us ask us when are we going to have babies, and I always say when you make the compromise of feeding the baby. Because I think is not their bussines when are we going to have children or if we are going to have or not, at the end of the day I am the one who is going to have to get up at two in the morning and stay awake until the baby decide to go back to sleep. So I am not one of those people who ask personal questions to the others I think there are questions that not body have to ask like, "how old are you?" "How much money do you make?","when are you going to ge marry?" "do you receive food stamps?" "What is your social secuity number?" Well have a nice lotter day!

I read a "Dear Abby" about this, recently. She said the best way to respond to these questions is "why do you need to know?" or if you're in the mood to be a little more blunt, "Why is that any of your business?" That way you put them on the spot, and they're stuck sputtering around for a legitimate reason for asking such a dumb question.

Ahaha my friends always ask me about that too. I am soooo over their questions already, they are married and they want us single to be married like them.

I find those sort of questions very intrusive.

Those questions are so annoying. I hate when people ask that question. I am already married, so now the question that seems to arise is when are you gonna have kids. Sometimes I just want to say none of your business and I'll let you know when it happens.

Hi sweetie. I see that a lot these days. I feel if you want to get married and have kids do it when you are ready for that. All my siblings are married and have kids, but me. One thing i can say about monm, she won't ever ask or nag about me getting married. One cool mom and one flighty daughter. I won't mind getting married as i do want children one day. But, we will wait and see if that will ever happen.

I was always asked that years ago. When are you going to get married? By everyone in my family. But that did not sway me at all. When I got married that was my decision entirely. Did I make a mistake? Yes I did. But I have to live with that. Then when we made the decision to have kids, I heard the same thing, when are the kids coming? I get the annoying factor of it. Look, if those people want to get married and have kids, don't ask someone else, just do it yourself. I always gave a basic response to both questions, that was, "I don't know." I thought that was simple enough.

My husband is the nosy one in our family. I have given up trying to train him not to ask personal questions when he meets people. I think sometimes people ask these questions because they don't know what else to start a conversation with so they ask something they think will get the ball rolling. If my husband (who has a accent) meets someone else with an accent, he will ask where they are from. People ask that of my husband quite often, too. It doesn't offend him. He's proud of his Serbian heritage. The hard question for me is"How many children do you have?' If I say I have two, then people sometimes want to know if they are married or where they live or how old they are -- all awkward, since they aren't married, don't live, and never got to be very old. Yet, these are still my children, and I'm not going to say I have no children. One question I will never ask is when someone will have children. It's very hurtful for those who have been trying unsuccessfully to have children and may never be able to have them. What kind of questions to you think newly acquainted people should ask to ge the conversational ball rolling?

I don't know why people care so much about whether or not other people get married and have kids. I think it's because they can't imagine how life would be if that wasn't the goal, so they feel bad for other people who haven't achieved it, even if they didn't want to. They just can't see from your point of view. I've never been asked these questions because I'm still pretty young but I would never ask them of someone else (unless they were already talking about it or something).

hi sarshruthbeth oh I think a lot of it is people, most often so called Christians who think its their prime duty to ask those very personal and most often judgmental questions. While I do believe in marriage and having children thats only my opinion. I also believe we all have our perfectly valid reasons for marrying or for living together. We do not have the right to pester others who have different opinions than ours.I do not judge people who do not want to marry or have children. In fact I applaud those who know they do not want children as there are so many women who probably felt that same way but were coerced into having children and now regent the whole thing. Those children are usually not very happy as they are not wanted.Its a huge responsibility to bring children into this world and one who does it should be one who loves children and wants a family, I never ask those questions as it frankly is none of my business.

I never ask anybody stuff like that. To be honest I really don't think about that stuff. It is none of my business what choices someone makes in their lives. I'm not crazy about answering questions like that either. I know I don't live in the normal context but it is my choice to do so. I am happy so it really doesn't matter. I guess we all just want to be happy and the means that we get there are supposed to be our own.

So it is strangers here that seem to worry about me. It is all my fault. I missed the above sentence. You are talking about myLot users that are probing. But can you not just ignore such curiosity and just move on. I do it all the time. If I do not like some comment or whatever I just don't bother and ignore that user completely. I have actually seen you doing it here as some responses of some users I see you ignore. You could do that to those who annoy you. Just a suggestion.