How do you make friends now
By Joni
@joni1215 (394)
United States
October 28, 2011 7:34am CST
I am finding myself in a friendless situation practically. Most of my friends were work friends. I worked so much that I had little social life. My job took me to another state for a while and when I came back most of my work friends had gone on with other jobs or no where to be found. I have also lost a few through death. I am the only one left in my family now. No kids and husband works all the time. I tried taking some classes for fun to meet people. I wonder is it me or is it just harder to make friends as one gets older?
5 people like this
31 responses
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
30 Dec 11
I also wondered sometimes if it's me who had problem why I don't have so many friends like other people do. As we get older I can feel how lonely it is having only a few friends... who actually lives so far from me. And why I have two bestfriends but since they have other friends too I can't ask them to come on special occasions when they have appointments with their other friends... Kinda depressing sometimes but I think we just have to still get on with our life and hopefully meet a few that will be with us as we get older.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
6 Nov 11
I know where you are coming from. I call myself a recluse because I have no friends, live alone and prefer my own company and that of my animals.
I've joined groups, invited people over (they don't come) I'm a volunteer and so on. I just can't find anyone I can connect with. There was one person I thought of as a friend but I found she was excluding me in some really important areas of her life. It didn't really worry me but I felt like a bit of an idiot because I had thought we were closer than that.
It seems that people don't care about anyone to any extent. I'm happy to be by myself because people just let me down.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
6 Nov 11
I don't know what has me more taken aback...the baby shower for a 3rd child or a gift list for the baby shower. That's just greedy. If it's a third baby they should have that stuff already. That's unbelievable.
I'm a few years older than you and I find people are either shallow, social misfits or plastic. A few examples:
Near neighbour; went out of my way to befriend her when she moved in. She kept finding fault with her other neighbour and then kept wanting me to do odd jobs for her, run errands and take her shopping. She became abusive, hurt my cat, made friends with the other neighbours and turned on me. Now she is in the middle and constantly complains about us.
Woman down the road; very intelligent but a drunk. Came over one day, drank a whole bottle of my sherry, vomited all over my patio and started to punch me.
Many others as I said previously are great to talk to when you bump into them and I have invited these people to "pop in for a coffee" but no-one ever comes.
I use my time to enjoy life and work on my own problems.
1 person likes this
@joni1215 (394)
• United States
6 Nov 11
Boy, can I relate. I used to go out and socialize
a lot more. However, after being done over by a couple
of people I thought were good friends I sorta backed off it
all. I too prefer my home time and my kitty as to all the
drama. I am going through the same thing right now with
my sister in law. She is always telling me she wants to
be closer and all of this but I never get invited to any
of the important events or anything. And really, the type of
person she is it's best. Here is an example, she goes right past
our place to go visit her mom. She could say hey, you wanna
go with me or at least ask. Now, she has invited me to her
daughters baby shower and everything on the gift list is expensive,
plus I have anxiety attacks and I fear a large group like that
in a small area. But, if I don't go then she will be able to say see
I invited you and you did not come. My husband does not want me to go
because he says they are just inviting me to get some expensive
gift. And I do mean it. They asked for a crib, stroller, high chair etc..
I didn't think people had baby showers after the first baby. This is her 3rd.
So, I know where you are coming from.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31366)
• Denmark
30 Oct 11
You wrote that you took some classes to meet people, I think is a good idea and I would try that again if I were you. If you like sports you could join a sports club and meet new people there. Another way to find new friends is the internet. If you are a member of a social networking site where you can start your own groups, you can start a group from your local area and write that you are looking for people who want to meet in real life. I met some nice people that way when I moved to another part of the country and didn't have many friends.
@globaldoc (858)
• Philippines
5 Nov 11
Being nice to people will always make friends. Smile a lot, and do not hesitate in talking to people, as long as you have the right morals, you will become a magnet to good people who will end up as friends. I do not think you are friendless. I just think maybe perhaps you do not go out much with people you know. I am sure somewhere out there, there are lots of people who consider you as friends. You just have to reach out.
@joni1215 (394)
• United States
5 Nov 11
I have a few friends but not pals to run around with
really. People are so busy with their own lives and I
understand that. i have become a bit reclusive and
perhaps i do put off an energy that does not compel
people to approach me. I have lots of online friends
and they have helped me through a lot. I don't know,
I get hurt so easily and have been so much that I
sorta adopted the attitude of I's rather be alone
than to be used and abused. But. as I look around
I see it everywhere. It's an exchange I guess. I just
don't seem to attract the best sort of people. And I
am of good character. I don't lie,cheat, steal or
use others and it's hard to find those types because
they are working! I have often thought that I am in
this position so I can learn to be my own friend. And learn
to care about and take care of me. I have always put
others first and it left me alone, lonely, sad and angry at
myself.
@fantabulus (4000)
• India
29 Oct 11
Joni now true friend is not exist in the World so our true friend is only book and I love books. No find true friend or friend only work work and work. If you want to make funny friend then fantabulus is always here only funny discussion full week same interest.
@eunique317 (347)
• Philippines
5 Nov 11
I was told that as one gets older friends become fewer. When we are young, we practically have lots of them. This is especially true if you are the sociable type. Social life is very important when one is young. Then, as one grows older, the focus starts to turn inward. One gets married and have a family. Focus now is on the family. Most of the people you hang out with will have their own families to mind too. But then, there will be a few of them who will stay in contact with.
Then, when you become older, say perhaps a granny, friends become scarce. I was told that around three friends will stay with us and these are what we can truly call friends.
On another note, one's intelligence type can come into play. I for one is an intrapersonal kind of person. I work best alone. I have only a few people in my circle of friends. But I do have friends. I even have friends that come way back in my elementary years. However, lately, we only meet once or twice a year but I am not bothered. I know that if ever I need a helping hand, I can rely on them.
@joni1215 (394)
• United States
6 Nov 11
Yes, I agree with you. I am not looking for tons
of friends as could not personally handle all of that
either.But, it would be nice to make friends with
common interests. I am rare because I don't have kids
and so that limits my possibilities. Then I usually
meet people who don't craft or do the things I do.
And many of them smoke. I am allergic to smoke. And I
have asthma. So, that limits me even further. I try to
be around my friends that do smoke but I end up sick
nearly every time. My inlaws do try to not smoke around
me or open doors or other things to make me feel more
at home. So. that is kinda what I am up against.
@jugsjugs (12967)
•
29 Oct 11
Perhaps you are looking tohard tomake friends.I belong to a few things now and these are people that are also the same in health as me, who have children and some that do not have children.When i first joined it was hard, as i did noy know anyone there at all, but after a few times going then i got chatting and we all get on well.I think that it is better to get to know people, so you know what they are really like before you make them a friend, as somepeople in the past i have regretted meeting and classing them as friends.
@rameshchow (4426)
• India
30 Oct 11
Making friendship how?, really its simple and typical one. a simple smile is a better way to make friendship. From that point only the friendship journey will starts.
@sunli123 (538)
• China
2 Nov 11
It is also a bit different for me to make new friends becuase of my character and social circle. Most of my friends are classmates, from primary shcool, high school and college etc. I also met some good friends when I attended the language training center.
@aghiuta (525)
• Canada
29 Oct 11
It is true ! When we get older ,is harder to make friends.I think that is a matter of truest,(we are not as open and trusting like children,to let anybody in our lives),people are set in their ways,not as open to change,or something new! You could try to find people that share your interests,hobbies,join a gym that has classes,a walking club,anything available in your community.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
30 Oct 11
Times changed, we make friends now by the internet. We talk to them and share our sorrows and happiness with them.
Internet is also a way to get the modern penpall and meet sooner or later or to find someone to travel with or go out once in a while to a restaurant with or find people to share hobbies with.
You can also volunteer doing some work for 1 hour or more and meet other people that way. But if you really will make friends depends on what you are looking for and are willing to invest.
I think it's harder to make friends, it has nothing to do with age but with the period/time we live in. Everybody is busy and people are less social if it comes to real life.
@deliar (609)
• Indonesia
30 Oct 11
Dont be so sad okay..
Here,maybe you can get more friends..
I know your situation and what do you feel.
But you also need to know that people also have their life,waht do you need now is be patient..
i know, one day you will get friends that really fit with you.
What you have done wtih taking some classes is right.
you can socialize to the other and gmaybe one of them can be your best friend, even maybe your wife.
so cheers up.
:D
@ferbjohn69 (1127)
• Philippines
29 Oct 11
It is not very hard to make friends.I understand your situation.You made friends,but most of them are them are no more within your reach or are gone.It's not your fault so you should not feel bad about it.Because they are always in work and do not meet you always,it does not mean you are no more friends with them.They are still your friends.
The same happened to me already.I felt I had no friend,but I didn't let that feeling last.I looked for new friends.You can look for new friends too.If no one is around,you can look for friends online and chat with them.Just be careful.I can be your friend here in mylot.:)
@khare_1005 (1310)
• India
29 Oct 11
my dear you are in the right place f you are searching for friends.i just added you up here.
as the days will pass on,you will get to find many wonderful friends here and you will come to know that making friends have never been this easy.
but in real life,i too have only a few countable friends as am not much of a social person and i mix up with people rarely.
its not about the age,but about the mind set.
@LaraTecson (726)
• Philippines
29 Oct 11
hmm, im only eighteen years old and i do not have much friends either. im not good at making friends. even i would want to be your friend, i would not talk to you unless you make the first move. i am as socially awkward as you can get. my bestfriend is my pc, how fun is that?
its good a good thing that you are making a move on moving out of your shell. i think its brave to move out of your comfort zone. i also think that age is not a factor in making new friends. just continue on trying to rrach out to other people and im sure your perseverance will be rewarded.
@chary2011 (26)
• China
29 Oct 11
I have this problem, too. I am a trade saleswoman, always working, have no spare time to get appointment, and my boyfriend leave me, now i find that work is not the main reason but we can make friends online and then in fact, now i have many online friends and i have meet with them too. Now, i work, make friend, go travel and do many other interesting things, how i love the life. It's great!
@krishawinner (41)
• India
29 Oct 11
making friends is not difficult.. but to make a friend who will stand at your bad times is not that easy.. its better to have one good friend than to have hundred friends for name sake.
don't make friends by giving heart warming words and impressing them cause this won't last longer... i meant the whole of your life will go waste in impressing them.
make a friend who understands u,. GO FOR THE PERSON WHO LIKES YOU THAN THE PERSON WHOM U LIKE..
@aquacan (216)
• China
29 Oct 11
Sorry to hear about your situation. I am still in college so maybe it's a little bit hard for me to understand your feelings. But it's true that as people get older, some of them may find it harder to make friends or maintain their friendship. Because they all have their own jobs and career. It's almost unavoidable that they spend less time with friends. My mom once told me that she doesn't even have one close friend. I felt so heart-broken to hear that. In that case, I think they have to learn to get used to being alone, and find ways to cheer up.
But life must be so dull if we don't have any friend. With friends around, we would feel much more better, especially in times of gloomy days. I never think making friends would get harder as we grow older. Sometimes we feel it harder because of the external factors. But making friends is about your inner feelings. If you really cherish someone, just let her(him) know about your feelings. That's how I make friends. Hope it can help you.
