Will it be your family or Him/Her?
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
United States
November 1, 2011 10:13pm CST
What would you do if you had to choose between your family or your love? If you pick love , you lose the support of your family. But if you pick your family , you lose your love.On a talk show I just saw a woman who is ready to divorce her sister and her mom because All they talk about is how bad her man is for her!I also heard the perfect statement about this.An audience member said we can't pick our family but we can pick who we love and if our family can't support your choice then they are not acting like a real family! She had a point. But sadly there are more people Having to choose. Me/ i wouldn't choose. I wouldn't bring my guy around my family. I would keep them separate. And sadly it would mean lying , a lot of lying! What would you do?
4 people like this
18 responses
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
2 Nov 11
I wouldn't give up either. I am glad I won't have to worry about that. If I did find someone after all these years then I think my family would be very supportive except for my older sister. I don't see her that much anymore anyway so I wouldn't have to deal with that either.
2 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
3 Nov 11
I'm prying. Why would your sister not be supportive?
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
6 Nov 11
Wow. I'm so sorry. I guess her attitude drives good guya away , far , far away!
1 person likes this
![](/Content/images/ajax-loader.gif)
@inertia4 (27960)
• United States
2 Nov 11
Well, I never had that problem. But I would be up front and blunt with my family. I would tell them that this is the person I love and want to be with and they have no choice but to accept it. My family would not make waves like that. They didn't do it when I got married and they do not interfere now with T. Look, it's not the family that would be in love or going out the the person you choose, so they should be there anyway for support just in case you need them. I would not lie and keep them separate. The would just have to understand. And they would, because I have a way of making people's lives miserable, I have no problem starting a war.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
3 Nov 11
And that is why I'm sooo glad we are friends!
2 people like this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
2 Nov 11
if it was a case of my man abusing me I would hope I would have sense enough to listen to my family but if it was not then after getting a divorce because my family didn't think my husband was good for me taught me to let my family know only general things about what is happening in my relationship. I vowed I would never let them interfere again.
2 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
2 Nov 11
In this story there was a rumor of Abuse but the woman said it wasn't true. And she said she was happy. The real sad part is if she does leave , she may not go to her family. The bridge is burned1
1 person likes this
@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
3 Nov 11
Hello Sarah... Need I really tell my answer? I had chosen my Love over my Family... I did... The family did all they could to keep me here, from flying to my Love's country. And the result is I am just a piece of a broken-good-guy-in-love... My Love has left me... And my family is happy to blame me for anything and everything...
It is the Love that I'll choose as I haven't had a real good time with my family in these long 28 years.. :(
2 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
3 Nov 11
Write me at gmail! I need to know what Exactly happened!
I'm so sorry. Yet again I started a post that could Really hurt a friend and I didn't warn you! Forgive me. I wasn't thinking about you when I started this post. I had seen an American woman choose her guy over her family. Yes it Does happen here too. All I can say is You Were right. And please ,please don't close up your heart. you deserve to be happy and Never give up on the dream to come here. You are an American at heart. I hope you can get here. and don't listen to those who say " I told you so" about your love. These people have Never been in love or they wouldn't say these things. Just keep being you are.It isn't you who needs to change.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
7 Nov 11
I think I was a spy or a double agent in a past life. I'm always comfortable living multiple lives.
So, I think I'm with you sarah. If it were my case, nobody could stop me from doing what I want. Even my family. And even if it meant a lot of lying!![](/Content/images/emotes/devil.gif)
![](/Content/images/emotes/devil.gif)
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
4 Nov 11
It is always okay for family to have an opinion about who we choose to date, or who we choose to love. I am sure they will find faults, and will always try to make us change our minds and ultimately dump the person we love eventually.
But I think the other woman's comment is true that families should be able to understand too. It is a person's feelings and it is their choice to love that particular person. No body is perfect and they aren't perfect so i think even if they want the best for us, we should not really be told who and who not to date or love by our families.
If we fall and fail in the relationship, they should be there to accept and offer comfort. We would learn the next time and know that our family is just concerned about us and wants us not to be hurt.. but we ought to be hhurt to learn from mistakes, right?!
I would also not choose if it was me. I do not want to lose my family because they are the only ones i have, my mom especially. I would also not want to let go of a love for a family that could not wish me happiness.
I would not let my brothers choose between me or the love of his life. no way. I do not want to see them suffering, etc because of the choice they had to make.
2 people like this
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
2 Nov 11
i think this will only be difficult if the one who will decide is very close to both her family and her loved one. otherwise, it will be easy to choose. one will probably choose the unit that will support her all throughout, or will give her needs. this is very subjective though. at times, as audience, we feel that a person is being abused and that person does not even realize it.![](/Content/images/emotes/happy.gif)
![](/Content/images/emotes/happy.gif)
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
2 Nov 11
And sadly what we think is abuse , she may see as normal. I agree in many cases there isn't a hard choice. they stay with whoever loves them most.
@saphrina (31551)
• South Africa
2 Nov 11
Hi sweetie.
I have to say, my family knew what was going on as i had to leave them for almost 18 years.
I never saw them and the only contact we had was either phone or mail.
I missed birthdays, family get togethers and just spending time with them.
It made me feel like a ninny for not standing up and demand seeing my family.
Sometimes we make the wrong mistakes in life for love.
But i learned the hard way, nothing and no one can ever take your families place.
We are not suppose to choose. That is just stupid.
Your family should be accepted by your loved one, no matter if they get along or not.
But now, i am with my family as one can only take so much crap from any man. No offense to those who ain't like this.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
3 Nov 11
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I'm glad you are with your family.And I hope your next love will fit into your family.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
3 Nov 11
I don't think it should be necessary to have to choose. My family would have to respect my decision. And it would greatly depend on the circumstances. Like why my family doesn't like the person I'm seeing. If it's because of concern for me then I have to think about these things. If they are being unreasonable then they would have to just deal with my decision as I would have to do with their life choices.
2 people like this
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
3 Nov 11
I always did what was best for me. So I dumped my family. Why? Because if family is thinking you lost your mind and you are not capable to make your own decisions and live your own life I find that insulting.
I mean to say that I did not actually saw it as a choice between my family and the man but between the family and me/what I want/think.
Also I don't let any family or friend make me choose between them and a new friend/partner.
I can understand you would not bring your guy around your family I guess he will understand that too but lying about it? Sorry I think that is one of the worst things you can do and it also does mean you are not really going for him.
You make a lie out of him. I think then he is better of without you.
2 people like this
@baanadetto_yuki01 (71)
• Philippines
2 Nov 11
That's a stiff decision to make but I would rather not choose instead i will make the best for the both I love.
I love my family and forever they will be. I also love the one I truly love and we will make a family. So there is no reason to choose. If my family don't like my man then they must try to respect me as their family, how can a family hate the man you like. What they must do is it support you to make you more happy. right?
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
2 Nov 11
You would think so but in the story all they do is tell her how bad the guy is and that this relationship will Never last , even though it has been 8 years! They are doing their best to split them up. But it id backfiring. She said she is willing Not to talk or see her mother or her sister. And that she is staying with her guy.And wat mom and sis want Not to happen , Is happening , The couple is stronger and more united!
@bb_gabs (205)
• Philippines
2 Nov 11
It depends on the situation for me, if the man is worth fighting for, I will chose him, because time will let my family realize that this man is really worth my love and trust. And in time I know they will also love the person I chose to love because they will see that he is worth the love I am giving him.
@minaz_latif (8)
• India
2 Nov 11
I agree with the audience lady. If a person thinks someone is the right choice for their life, family should have faith in his/her decision and accept it, providing proper support. Starting a lifetime relationship many times need moral support of family. Not that its not possible without them. But its always good to know that your family supports your decision and will be there for you.
Keeping your guy and family separate is a good idea. But it like balancing on rope. And it has to end sometime. A time will come when you will have to choose. And that would be a tough call.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
2 Nov 11
For me it wouldn't be tough. I would choose my guy. But by keeping them separate I don't have to choose.
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
1 Dec 11
I would choose love, but only if it was REAL love. My mother would be pretty good at spotting warning signs, but then again I get my gift to do the same from her, so I don't have to worry about Mom.
Now, I know people who dated jerks, and I've tried to warn them, they ahven't listened, and the crap hit the fan, but if it's REAL LOVE, and the family doesn't like the guy, then the family is way out of line.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
2 Nov 11
Hi behen
for me Her of coruse. You know my life and your bahu. Fortunately, my parents never objected and unfortunately her parents did and even today we arent together. In many families (in Indian Context), things go a little different and so one can take a risk to choose the Partner over the Family. We all are aware that our parents will love our children more than us. So one can think and take a risk that once they have a child, they stand a chance to re-unite with the parents. However this is only in a few select families and states. For many, caste and other factors do play a bigger role than family and here, the chances of getting reuinited are lesser.
![](/Content/images/emotes/hugs.gif)
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
2 Nov 11
Hi Bhai. forgive me, I didn't even think to warn you about this post. Your story is of pure love and on her part sacrifice. I find it sad that a grandchild is the Only way to reunite.Tell Bahu that I'm so proud of her. She followed her heart. I'm sooo happy you two are together.
@eljayo (1105)
• Philippines
2 Nov 11
Hi! I think this is a situation I don't want to be.My family's opinion is very important to me. If I would be in this situation I will choose my parents base from my experience my parents are often times right and they serve as my counselor and adviser.
@mhelsdelacruz (160)
• Philippines
2 Nov 11
Good day
For me, its depends on the situation and on the kind of man i will choose. .If this guy is worth fighting me and for my love. .later on my family will realize that this guy is worthy and they can accept the guy and they will be happy for my decision. .but if not then i will choose my family instead for this man. .I know they will accept the guy if he is worthy. .
1 person likes this
![](/Content/images/loading.gif)