To go or not to go?
By bb_gabs
@bb_gabs (205)
Philippines
November 2, 2011 12:54am CST
It is really a very hard decision for me. Until now, I can't decide whether to go or not to go. My husband is working abroad, I was left with my three kids,they are now growing up, and I believe having a parent that is looking after them while they are growing up will lead them into a better future. But my husband and I have talked about the future of our children, he wants me to work abroad with him, so that we can help each other in the financial needs of our children, he is thinking about the future of our kids, he wants to send them all to good school and have a better education, and today, it is really costly to send a child in a good school, and we can just do that if we will both work abroad where we can earn bigger than we are earning here in our country. I am also working here and have a stable job, I know, my husband have a point to think about our children's future,but I am also thinking that they will get the future they want if we can guide them along, I don't want to work far from my children because I want to guide them while they are growing up. There are a lot of children nowadays that stop schooling because they lack parental guidance, and I dont want that to happen to my children, I tried to explain this to my husband but he don't understand me, what will I do?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@gagagaohlala (294)
• Philippines
2 Nov 11
Follow what you think is right. If I were in your place, I would rather stay and care for my children because physical presence is different. You can always attest that from families who are intact. Children will feel more love if someone is there to support their plans, studies, and follow the important events in their life with them. I guess your husband's job is good enough to support and provide for your family's needs. Even parents who are working here are able to financially assist their kids.
@julianmac (396)
• Malaysia
2 Nov 11
Hi bb_gabs,
I think you should stick to your current job and be with your children. You are right when you said that kids need the parents guidance when they are growing up. No matter how smart and well organized a child can be, still they are only innocent kids.
If you going to work abroad than you have to leave your kids in someone else's care. I assure you that no one else in this world can look after a child better than the mother.
Your husband wants a better life for the whole family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I would want that for my family too but the important thing is you need to be there and stand by your children in sickness and health
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
2 Nov 11
welcome to mylot bb_gabs. me and my wife works together but when she gave birth she decided to leave her career and become a hands on mom. who am i to complain. it is hard at first for before there is a double income that is flowing but now it is only me. when our son turned one she started to have some internet selling and some craft works that she sells also on the net. she is earning but she is at home to be with our son. son is now five and i will soon be leaving for abroad to work although of course i want her to be with me for she used to work with us but i would rather let her leave her career and be a hands mom to our boy. i agree on what you said that it is better that there is guidance with your kid and that is coming from you. it is also important that the children go to a good school but if you are not there to guide them then plans of good school will just go to waste. if ever you want to work abroad, who will take care of the children? if its your parents or his parents then i guess it is okay. i will never entrust my child to anybody but only to my mother or my mother in law.
@bb_gabs (205)
• Philippines
13 Dec 11
Yeah, I am glad that you and your wife agreed with one decision and that is you wife will stay. My in-laws will take care of my kids when I go work abroad, but i don't think they can do that for they are also in their old age, and I don't want to give them the burden to look after my kids,even if they want to. And if you will look at it, it is not their obligation anyway.
@Professor2010 (20162)
• India
4 Feb 13
Thanks for sharing.
This discussion is one year old, so where are you now, did you go to him?
please share.
@Rick1950 (1576)
• Lima, Peru
3 Nov 11
In my opinion you should go if the whole family will go to be together again. Maybe your husband has got a proper job for you abroad. Thus it's better if you go where your husband is living now so that you can held a united family. I hope you take the right choice.
@JulyKing (110)
• China
2 Nov 11
Good afternoon,bb_gabs!
Oh,your question is really a very hard question that no one else could help you to resolve,as a mother,you should stay with your children and raise them as soon as possible because it's your responsibility,and as a wife,you also should stay with your husband because sometimes he could have needed you,it's also your responsibility,but now your children and your husband are in the distance,where shoud you go?
Both you and your husband's thought are for your own children,hope them chould accept better education,but sometimes the children would rather their parents stay with them and it's more important for them to grow up than just give them much more money to have access to better school!So I advise you stay with your children and take care of them since you have a stable work!And your husband could also visit you once a year or usually call you!
Maybe you have just had your own view,have a good day and everything will go well!
@eljayo (1105)
• Philippines
2 Nov 11
Hi! Your situation is not easy at all.You are torn between helping your husband in the financial aspect and being with your children. I think think hard as a mother because having a family is not all about being able to provide financially, it is also about nurturing the fruits that the two of you produced. Money can be earned but time cannot be turned or given back. If you leave your children , it will be difficult for you and them especially in the emotional aspect. They need you as a mother and as much as possible one of you should be their fro your children not just emotional or in thoughts but also physically. Pray that God will help you decide what is best fro your family.Money matters but time weighs more.
@sandacocos (64)
• Romania
2 Nov 11
Hello bb_gabs!
I know it is a hard decision, I am also a mother, and I also considered working abroad for the same reasons you have. But I can't leave my girl, I have seen what happens with children whose parents leave for work in another country.
They need you there, it is enough that their father is not there.
Going to a good school....that doesn't make up for a lonely childhood.
But the way the world is now...one can't lead a nice life, I don't mean having it all, but having enough to feel well, the peace of mind you need, knowing tommorow will not be a worse day....
I wish I could explain it better, but I sometimes lose hope in the future.
@kaeirole (668)
• Philippines
2 Nov 11
i do feel your dilemma..'m not yet a parent..but my father had the same dilemma as you do..
when i was still a kid, i always want my father to work abroad or even far from us..because i know through that, he'll be able to save more money for me and my siblings' education..and it's really hard to support 5 children, especially if your not from a wealthy family..but my father chose not to work far from us..because he wanted to guide us..my mother is also with us, but my father can't just trust everything to my mom..because my father is the strict one..
and now, i'm thankful that my father didn't work away from us..because i can tell that it's really different to have a parent guiding us while we're growing..
attitude and personality of your children will be mostly affected if not guided properly..some parents working abroad may not really know their children because of their absence during the children's growth..i know there are many ways in communicating nowadays..but it's still different to feel the presence of the parents..
@gagagaohlala (294)
• Philippines
2 Nov 11
Follow what you think is right. If I were in your place, I would rather stay and care for my children because physical presence is different. You can always attest that from families who are intact. Children will feel more love if someone is there to support their plans, dreams, studies and follow the important events in their life with them. I guess your husband's job is good enough to support and provide for your family's needs. Even parents who are working here are able to financially assist their kids.
