Generosity or Foolishness
By ddaguno
@ddaguno (3107)
Philippines
November 8, 2011 11:38pm CST
I have previously posted about a friend who is financially challenged and for the past few days I have been scolding her about how she spends her money.
Her situation is quite sad because she usually doesnt even have any money for food. this is because she sends it to her relatives back home. she has made salary advances and now, she only gets almost only 50% of her salary and then she has to pay her bills.
the other day, we saw a mobile phone on sale and she said, she wants to buy that for her brother. she also told me that there are 3 phones lying with her now which she has bought for her parents and other sibling. 
What the ____?! For me that's not generosity anymore. It's foolish extravagance.
of course we want the 'good life' for our loved ones but not to the point that you starve yourself to give them stuff that are not really that important.
Now they have a medical emergency and she has made another salary advance to pay for the hospital fees. I don't know when she'll be able to pay up, but if she doesnt change her perspective about buying gifts... I think it'll take a long time. 
What the ____?! For me that's not generosity anymore. It's foolish extravagance.
of course we want the 'good life' for our loved ones but not to the point that you starve yourself to give them stuff that are not really that important.
Now they have a medical emergency and she has made another salary advance to pay for the hospital fees. I don't know when she'll be able to pay up, but if she doesnt change her perspective about buying gifts... I think it'll take a long time. 1 person likes this
8 responses
@geekemgirl (270)
• United States
10 Nov 11
I wonder if she feels guilty about something like leaving home, having more opportunities than her family members or not being able to spend time with them and because of this guilt she feels the need to atone by buying gifts. I also think it is foolish. If she could afford it or was buying things that were necessities that'd be different.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
10 Nov 11
Sometimes I do that. Because I want my family to be happy. But I made sure I wasn't left without money. I know that I had to change my bills too and have to buy my food. Your friend will have to realize soon that she has to think of herself too. Until her family, and I hope it's only her family not her other relatives, have those things I hope she stopped it.
@veejay19 (3589)
• India
9 Nov 11
Your friend is certainly foolish.It is good to help others monetarily but one should have enough funds in ones own kitty and any surplus should be used for helping them.However constantly being in the red and then helping others is a mark of immaturity and utter stupidity. Your friend should realize that helping others at the cost of oneself is simply being crazy and childish.You are trying your best to clear her misconception but if she fails to understand then it is like banging your head against a stonewall.If she can`t understand this then better don`t waste your precious time and energy on her and let her reap whatever she has sown.
@ddaguno (3107)
• Philippines
10 Nov 11
well, she is listening to advice and i think now, she is avoiding buying those unnecessary things. but the problem is now they have legit problems and her family can rely on nobody else.
i hope she learns her lesson and save her money for important matters
@julianmac (396)
• Malaysia
9 Nov 11
Hi ddaguno,
A few years back I had this friend. She runs a restaurant and managed to have a good living out of it. The problem is she is such a spendthrift. Every time she visits her mother and her two sisters, she would shower them with branded and expensive gifts.
Even though her sisters are doing well, one is a lawyer and the other one is an air hostess, she still insist on buying things for them. The reason is she is such a show off. She wanted to show her siblings that she is doing so well-off compared to them.
Obviously this is not an act of generosity. She is displaying her altruistic behavior. At the end of the month she borrows from her friends to pay her bills. But in your friend's case, I think she loves her family very much and is willing to sacrifice anything so that they can enjoy what life has to offer. It may look foolish in our eyes, but I have observed this kind of attitude among closely-knit family members with good moral values.
@ddaguno (3107)
• Philippines
10 Nov 11
i think her actions are also because of a bit of desire to show off. since we work abroad i think she doesnt want her family to think that she doesnt have money. although i do hear her tell them that the money she sends are from loans.
i just hope she doesnt spoil them too much
@lilblondiemjd (857)
• United States
9 Nov 11
I totally agree with you...Helping out family is one thing, but making yourself go without necessities just so they can have the luxury of cell phones and other electronics is insanity. People don't even really 'need' cell phones. I know she probably wants to keep contact with them, but she could give one of them a cell phone and just keep in touch with all of them that way. There's no need to buy one for all of them especially if she's starving. I admire her helpful heart, but it's going a bit too far. Sometimes in life you need to be selfish and take care of your own needs.
@sandacocos (64)
• Romania
9 Nov 11
What can I say, it's a bit too much.We also have problems, most of the time money isn't enough to pay all the bills of the month, but even if I know I don't have to much money, I sometimes buy my daughter a little something, even if it's not necessary, but I know it would make her happy.But cell phones? Sorry, that's foolish.Does her family know about her financial situation?
@ddaguno (3107)
• Philippines
10 Nov 11
i have asked her this also.
i think her family knows that she doenst have much money but they dont know the severity of it. They dont know that she only asks for food daily and that she only eats noodles at home because that's only what she can afford.
it's really sad but i hope they get over this situation
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
9 Nov 11
Oh I agree with you on this. Sounds like she is from a very different culture than you or I??? I am very family oriented. My brother comes to me for help and I help him in anyway I can and likewise, he helps me. If he borrows 20.00 from me, he is very good about paying me back. We all struggle and we work together and we have each others backs. I would not be buying my brother a cell phone when I can't afford one myself. I would not support my brother if he were not at least trying to support himself. My brother wouldn't even expect me to because he cares as much about me as I care about him. Sounds like this girl's family is just using her and sadly she is allowing them to.
@ddaguno (3107)
• Philippines
9 Nov 11
her siblings are not asking for these gifts. she just want them to have it. it's a selfless act but a little bit overboard. I told her that if she really wants her sibling to enjoy life then buy something that would give them a regular income. not these things that wont earn them anything but bragging rights.
@megamatt (14292)
• United States
10 Nov 11
I think that there are many times where people are nice and generous to a supreme degree. However there is a time where there are going to be a time where people who are really going to be a bit too nice and a bit too generous. I mean, it is a good thing to help people. Don't get me wrong, it is a wonderful thing to want to help others, especially there are going to be a lot of times where people are suffering and you feel the need to help them.
But how helpful are you when you suffer because of it. I don't want to say its foolish but the generosity is a bit misplaced to say the very least. There are just going to really be times where if you suffer, then there is really no point in helping people. There are times where no matter what, you have to put yourself first. Many people don't want to admit that, but when we get to a certain point, it has to be about you and others have to take a backseat.
