Can a woman raise a man?
By geekemgirl
@geekemgirl (270)
United States
November 12, 2011 11:20am CST
I know so many single mothers. NONE of them went into the relationship thinking they'd end up raising their children alone but that has become their reality. My sister has two children (boy and girl) that she is mostly raising on her own because their dad is rarely around. But she does all she can to make it easy for their dad to be in their lives. When his car is broke, she'll pay for his taxi or busfare for him to see his kids. She stays on him to call them. Her friends think this is foolish but she does it for her kids. Her daughter used to get really upset and cry when he'd promise to come around but not show up. And she really wants her son to have a male influence in his life because our family is darn near all women so that is all he is around. I agree with her that all children deserve both parents in their lives. The single moms I know are doing the best they can and are amazing moms. But it is difficult for a woman to raise a man. We think differently from guys and look at situations differently. A boy should have a man in his life to get that different perspective. They should also have the opportunity to approach their dad with questions that they may be too uncomfortable to approach their mom with. A woman can raise a man...single moms have been doing it for decades but how hard is it and how is it working? If it is possible to keep a child's father in his life, shouldnt we do all we can to encourage that? What do you think?
3 people like this
7 responses
@bjc66bjc (6730)
• United States
12 Nov 11
I really agree with you geek but it is sometimes eaiser said than
done...we all wish family could be really families but it dosen't
always work out that way....I am a single parent with 2 grown children
a 43 year old son and a 41 year old daughter and 2 grandsons.. 18 and
12...now of course there are thing I could not explain to my son
as a man would but I did my best and I don't think it was much he
inquired about that I could not answer or at least send him to
somewone else to get the explantation...I really think that children
need a parent in their life to show and teach them LOVE AND MORALS.
be it a mother or father they can teach respect of others..I know
children who were raised by mother ans father and the children are
not great people in society...really problems..so you tell what
happen there?
1 person likes this
@geekemgirl (270)
• United States
12 Nov 11
I think families take all shapes and forms. Single parent homes are still families. I just think that children benefit from having both female and male positive influences. As several of the posters above mentioned and I now agree that influence doesnt necessarily have to come from the biological mom or dad. They could get that positive influence from a teacher, pastor, coach etc. You're 100% correct that all we can do is the best we can and teach them love, morals and respect. Life doesnt always go as planned. We can do everything "right"....have a two parent household, teach our kids values and they can still turn out to be criminals or morally inept. All we can do is our best and hope for the best.
1 person likes this
@cherriefic (10399)
• Philippines
13 Nov 11
As a single mother, I believe that she can raise her child to be a better man than to get associated with an irresponsible father. It doesn't matter if the father is around as long as you openly communicate and make him feel that you love the child despite the fact that his father is not available. There will be more people that will influence the child further in his life. Forcing the father to see his child may just cause frustrations in his part. Better just deal with it as it is than to keep hurting the boy's feelings if his father cannot be consistent in visiting him or supporting him all the way.
1 person likes this
@geekemgirl (270)
• United States
13 Nov 11
Cherriefic thanks for giving another perspective. As you stated, it is best to have a consistent, fully supportive dad opposed to an irresponsible, undependable one. But this makes me wonder if he isnt supporting all the way, is it really better for him to be non-existent versus undependable? I really dont know. I guess it is situational. I'd rather have that presence than nothing at all. But then again I'm probably basing this off of my personal life since I didnt meet my dad until I was 22.
1 person likes this
@fortunebee (509)
• Philippines
12 Nov 11
I can just imagine that a single mom raising a man is difficult! The mom will have to be strong willed and also disciplined in order to raise a responsible man. I am not married yet nor do I have children/son(s), but maybe I can give an input on what it's like to raise a father...It's kind of weird saying this but since my mother passed away, it seemed like I was raising my father, I can tell you that it is difficult! Of course, he is an adult, older, and my living parent, so it is expected that he is opinionated and it is not for me to take away his pride as a man if I was the one helping out the rest of the family and raise them without the presence of my mother in terms of financial support and other major decision making in the family.
But going back to what you're asking, I would really say that the man should stand firm to his obligations in being present throughout his children's lives. It is their responsibility to share their time with the children even if not living together with the mother of the children. There's always an advantage on having a father figure in a son's life.
@fortunebee (509)
• Philippines
13 Nov 11
Ditto to having the distinction of a 'POSITIVE INFLUENCE' this is the most important thing for children and it will be one of the major basis of how a child is molded throughout their childhood based on a positive influence. If I was the mother, I wouldn't want a husband or a father of my children who's into illegal activities or with a bad attitude be around them as they grow. It would be great if there were no situations like this in the world, but it is best to say that everyone, a mother and a father, should have a conscientious mind before bringing a child into this world. It takes a lot of responsibilities to raise a child!
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
12 Nov 11
Hi Geekemgirl,
I think both girls and boys need both male and female influences in their lives. They really need both of their parents to be involved. Still, there are a lot of absentee parents and kids from both sexes that get raised to be wonderful people. Your nephew will get male influence from teachers, fathers of his friends, etc. I do think your sister is right in encouraging the children's father to be involved in their lives.
1 person likes this
@geekemgirl (270)
• United States
12 Nov 11
Thankyou Sid556. My nephew is active in lot of sports and after school activities. He's had some really good male coaches and I think/hope they have provided the positive male influence he needs.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
13 Nov 11
I think men in these positions as well as just his friend's fathers recognize a young boy that has no dad in his life and try to help guide them and whatnot. I've seen it with other kids who have no father or father figure. I've seen some of these kids turn out to be wonderful adults. As long as your sister raises him with strong values and from the sounds of it, she is then I have no doubt that he will turn out just fine.
1 person likes this
@Cutie18f (9546)
• Philippines
13 Nov 11
That is a difficult situation for the family because in our culture, it is the man who is supposed to be the breadwinner and head of the family. When the reverse happens, I think it is not only the woman who suffers but also the man's self-esteem. However, if a man is never able to find some work, I think he should do his best to be able to bring in some money by going into any small business using what he knows.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
12 Nov 11
There is no reason why a single mom can't raise a man. It depends on the character of the woman how she raises him.
And if it comes to raising most women do it alone already for ages.
Men are mostly too busy to take care of the children or have a job elsewhere/abroad. On a ship, as a truck driver, a soldier, a businessman always travelling around, police man seldom at home.. the fact you are married doesn't mean you are raising kids together.
Women who are alone most of the time are more handy, better organizers, thougher as the ones who are always waiting to be rescued or helped out by their man. So they will raise their kid the same way. Try it, practise, do it yourself and you will see you can manage. It's good for the self esteem as well.
I don't think the question is: is it possible to keep the child's father in his life, since this is a decision the father has to make. Many want to start over and don't want to be in that life, perhaps later on if the kid is way older.
What might be more important is, if there are other men in a kid's life. And those other men you can find everywhere and can be anyone.
1 person likes this
@geekemgirl (270)
• United States
12 Nov 11
Excellent point that just because you're married doesnt mean you arent raising your children alone. I do think that it makes a difference knowing you have a dad that will be there in a time of need rather he is away at work or living somewhere else opposed to having one who is non-existent and undependable.
1 person likes this
@jtj_hello (627)
• Philippines
13 Nov 11
Every mother wants the best for their children. If that's how she sees what's best for her children then I see no reason for her to be called foolish. Her friends should understand that she is only thinking about the welfare of her kids. Instead of telling her foolish why don't they just support her, after all that's what friends are for. For the husband though, be man enough to take your responsibility yourself and not make your wife pay for minor things like your taxi fare.
@sijabatnaburjut (2171)
• Indonesia
13 Nov 11
All important moment in our life is truly depended on a mother's care, no matter she is female or male. Raising a man by a man is a small part of responsibility of woman. First, we need to understand or know the condition that where the boy is raised by her mother. If it's only her mother, I really believe that a woman or a mother can raise his son, why. And mostly, they man who are raised by his mother from percentage they are a success man. I saw there were a lot of widow, no husband, they don't have any difficulties in raising their children and the children psychologically tend to understand that they had to work with their mother to get what they want. From my perspective, it is really possible for a woman to raise a man. There are a lot of proof out there which I could not mention one by one.
